is it just me...

is it just me or is there's something unwholesome about this picture...?
like a total perv, i already inspected this under magnification but it's too grainy to tell... i mean, it can't be showing what i think it's showing, can it? this is what we have editors for, right?

anyway, if you're at all interested in the accompanying article, here it is:

"Kiwi troupe reinvents itself"
Black Grace's lively modern stomps and swirls draw on traditional Polynesian dance movements

interesting...

while searching for a frowny face picture for that last post i got a serach result that just couldn't go un-shared - it was just too awkwardly awesome! you know how sometimes you have this bit of information to share and it's literally busting out of your mouth but you're worried that it'd be inappropriate? well good for you - you have a filter on those type of things in the way of something telling you it might be inappropriate. me, i just share no matter what!

the original link that popped up in my search is here but you should definitely go on to where the post originated so you can see a list of the 10 funniest pillows + 3 even less appropriate "bonus" pillows on page 3.

say what?!?

"Cheap beer may not last much longer"
The rising price of hops, malt barley and aluminum, aling with higher energy and fuel costs, are pressuring breweries to increase the cost of suds.

i think the only appropriate response to this is a frowny smiley face but sadly i do not have the capacity for that on this site... instead, i'm going with a picture of a frowny smiley face.

TOTALLY substance free...

i'm SO sure...
this batty bimbo is high as a kite! ALL THE TIME! either that or the stage lights are literally melting her brain.

"Abdul red-faced in 'Idol' blunder"

even if you're not a fan and you just rolled your eyes so hard you fell backwards out of your chair, just read it. it'll feel like you're accepting a mensa membership!

i'll bet britney is more sober and in control than paula.

another wedding to remember

"Newlyweds jailed after brawl at Pittsburgh-area hotel"
A newlywed couple spent the night in separate jail cells - she in her wedding gown - after police said they brawled with each other, then members of another wedding party, at a suburban Pittsburgh hotel.

i would say this was just like any other down-south wedding night but it wasn't down south! it's not worth me explaining how ridiculous this is; it's best you just read it for yourself.

a wedding to remember...

bitch is 81!
and yet, this is only her 8th marriage... a marriage a decade? that's nothing!

this is sabah, lebanese actress/singer (not singer/actress) who's (supposedly) famous for plastic surgery and weddings! stick with what you're good at, eh?

[source]

word of the day

gimcrack
noun
1. a showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw.
2. tastelessly showy; cheap; gaudy.

and in case you're confused by the defining a strange word with another word you don't know, here's a bonus word of the day:

gewgaw
noun
something gaudy and useless; trinket; bauble.

for serious?

frost?
on MY car?
april 29?

yeah... that actually happened!

charming english gentlemen

i'm beginning to think more and more that the UK is a very unpleasent place to live! and maybe also that our drinking age restrictions have some sense to them... if shit like this happens in toronto, then we're definitely not hearing about it.

"WPC kicked unconscious by 30-strong drunken teenage gang for asking them not to throw popcorn on a tram"
With blood streaming from her injuries and 50 pounds stolen from her handbag, she was thrown off the tram at the next stop.

WTF? people over there must have some seriously pent-up rage... perhaps it's the perpetually nasty weather that's driving people insane? maybe there are certain psychotic effects from drinking THAT much tea?

related stories: kids these days...

white & spicy

in case you didn't notice... generally, when you bring "white" people to chinese restaurants, before you can even sit down, you are presented with forks and hot sauce... occasionally you get asked if you want a coke.

being a mixed family, naturally, the chinese restaurant employees sometimes get a little confused when they see us coming. sometimes we get forks (and even knives!), sometimes we have to ask for chopsticks... sometimes we get seated in the very front to the restaurant as if to say "hey, that's right! we got white people!" and other times we're hidden away in the back corner like we're something to be ashamed of. it happens. we're used to it.

so when we went out to dim sum (lunch) this weekend, all we could do was laugh when we asked for tea and got this:

starBUCK$

"An alternative to your costly Starbucks habit"
Coffee - that intoxicating, urban life sustaining, designed drug of the 2000s - has so thoroughly worked its way into our lifestyles that no amount of money is too extravagant for a cuppa joe.

personally, i don't like coffee... not even the smell of it. even so, i'm always shocked by how much it costs! i want some beans in hot water... ok, that'll be $6 please!

but i know there are bunches and bunches of people out there who can't even start the day with out a fix... give it to me, man! i need it to function! i got the shakes!

i just don't get it...

i promise to clean up after him and walk him EVERY day!

so couldn't i puleeeeeeze have a sloth???

[source]

eeeeee!!!

moley moley moley...
mooooole!
he's so cute!
he's a naked mole rat... without the rat part!

[source]

a real man's man

unlike SOME men i know, there are those out there willing to subject themselves to the pain of waxing. waxing my legs is NOTHING compared to what harrison "that's doctor to you" ford did to help showcase th pain involved in deforestation. dude waxed his chest!

how cheeky... deforesting his chest as metaphor for deforesting the planet! this is a movement i could get behind!

no longer hairy-son (lamest joke ever) did his little stunt for his part as vice chair of the global environmental group Conservation International. you should really go check it out... the picture of harrison on there proves that men can stay sexy as they get older - this one's for you arran!

[source]

apocalypse ponies!

be afraid... be very afraid.
princess sparkle is a demanding mistress...

i dunno... if i was a kid, i think the sight of that thing might have me leaving a little present in my pants for mommy to clean up. who thought this was possibly a good idea? why not something even more fantastical from my childhood? like trolls on ice?

[source]

speaking of...

speaking of the rising cost of gas... those bastards!

but you can take a little cut out of their profits and keep a little change in your pocket using these gas milage tricks... mostly common sense but every little bit helps.

get a plan - trips to the grocery store, dry cleaners, mall, etc. should be planned so you are not retracing your route; if you have more than one car, use the one that has better gas milage

check the gas cap - damaged, loose, or missing caps cause gallons of gas to vaporize

avoid long idles - longer than a minute, not in traffic? turn it off! it takes less gas to restart than what is being used idling (however, do not be like a certain person i know that turns the lights off and shuts the car down completely when we get to a stop light...)

use the recommended oil - using the oil grade recommended by the manufacturer can improve gas mileage by up to 2%

keep tires properly inflated - you can save up to 3.3% in gas milage

drop the weight - avoid keeping unnecessary heavy items in your vehicle; affect smaller cars mroe than larger ones (diet fatties! HA!)

maintain the speed limit - gas mileage decreases rapidly over 60 mph... cruise control for highway driving will also help

bypass high-octane gas - high-octanes probably won't improve your car's performance and the higher the octane, the higher the price

replace dirty air filter - replacing a clogged air filter can improve your gas milage by as much as 10%

drive sensibly - speeding, rapid acceleration, and constant braking are all symptoms of aggresive driving that waste gas (yeah but if we didn't do these things, what fun would driving be? and you try to tell frustrated rush hour drivers to lay off the brakes!)

[source]

you see?!?

"Food companies warn of rising prices"
Canadians can expect to pay more at grocery stores as higher feed costs advance through the food chain

so to get our worried minds off the price of gas, a new crisis has popped up! global food shortage. it's like a new fad... you just catch wind of it and then BLAM-O! it's everywhere. like POGS! remember POGS? i think i still have mine hanging around somewhere... but i digress...

yesterday it was just the U.S. who were beginning to limit purchases of things like rice and canadian consumer expert people were saying things about how they hadn't witnessed any stockpiling behaviour and that they weren't going to start limiting purchases. so it looks like they're just going to make the price of food prohibitively high instead... that'll curb buying all by itself. it's like, "you can have as much as you want... just see if you can afford it! HA!"

of course by writing about this, i'm only adding to the growing furor... that little seed of worry we planted yesterday? yeah, it just germinated.

ration-al thinking

"Sam's Club rationing rice"
Many stores in the U.S. are limiting bulk sales of some kinds of the grain as supply fears leap

so now, instead of being able to buy as many as you can lay your hands on, you can only get 4 bags of jasmine, basmati and other white long-grain rices... oh yeah and only one pallet of flour at a time.

all this on fears that worried consumers were stocking up on rice & flour amidst global food shortages... wait... there are global food shortages?? why wasn't i told?? i would have panicked and gone berserk on food hoarding long ago if i knew there was a global food shortage!!!

guaranteed, reporting on a global food shortage is no way to stem the panic! it'll just make it worse. do you think tomorrow all the major grocery stores and bulk food places will show increased sales... everyone who reads this article or a similar one will have a seed of worry planted in the backs of their minds. even if you don't believe the hype, you don't want to be out in the cold just in case they were right...

no worries over at my house though. we have a stockpile of sidekicks creamy bacon carbonara that could feed the world for at least 5 years. and i hear that shit can survive a nuclear blast!

all bottled up

"Board bans sale of bottled water at its schools"
Tap water 'just as high quality' says Waterloo board; expects to eliminate all sales on property by 2009

first off, let me tell you that i drank waterloo tap water for more than 5 years and it definitely has a "tang" to it that you don't get from bottled water... some people claim that waterloo water is more "flavourful" because most of the region's water comes from groundwater which is infused with hard minerals in the area's aquifers. that's right - i know my shit.

i had a bit of a nasty thought after reading this particular part: "At board meeting, trustees will likely be given jugs of water and drinking glasses." wouldn't that make it just oh so much easier for a disgruntled citizen to say (and by no means am i suggesting or condoning anythnig of this nature) poison them all in one go? just a drop of something into each of the water jugs?? i'm just saying.

when they were looking at cutting programs duing budget discussions, "blue boxes overflowing with empty bottle of water" spurred one trustee to suggest this idea... people being good and recycling made you want to eliminate plastic bottles? i think i might be concerned if the bottle were in the trash or strewn in the street... but they were in the recycling bins!

i'm not sure how i feel about this... i mean i use a reuseable water container unless i absolutely have to but... does getting rid of bottled water make up for the extra phosphates and junk produced from the wash water from sinks and dishwashers? you might be able to ban bottled water but you can't make everyone get mr. galen weston's eco-friendly (and expensive!) dish washing products...

speed dating...

movies.com also has a quiz about celebrity dating!

Which Celeb Should YOU Date?

guy-wise, i got Owen & Luke Wilson
There's nothing like two shaggy-haired, womanizing brothers for the price of one. Get ready: Your abs have never had a comedy workout like this before. And on a good day, they're Southern gentlemen.

driving on the other side of the road, i ended up with Penelope Cruz... wow, didn't see that one coming!
She's a sultry Spanish siren who uses her feminine wiles to give great performances and get attention from all the right men. With her sexy bedroom eyes and European style, she'll have you rolling your R's in no time.

mild mannered office worker

over at movies.com they have an interesting quiz up right now...

Which Superhero are YOU?

me?
i'm the HUMAN TORCH
You're on fire, baby! Literally and in spirit. You're the fun-loving, thrill-seeking, life-of-the-party superhero. Some people say you need to grow up. You think those un-super losers should get a life and kiss your flaming comet. It's hard for you to be a team player, but when the spit hits the fan, your fantastic friends know they can count on you.

wish list...

not that you don't all already know but...

my birthday is right around the corner and i thought i'd share with you, for no particular reason at all, some items that i found today that amuse me to no end.


ALLIGATOR WALLET!
every girl should have one attractive AND practical! i promise, i'd walk it every single day! and feed it and take care of it!

GROCERY BAG!
a bag. for carrying groceries. with groceries on it? insane.

ELEPHANT BAG!
an elephant never forgets. and you'll never forget this bag if you see it! lame endorsements all around!

i'm not saying that i don't like presents... and i'm not saying that i wouldn't be absolutely delight to get multiples of the above mentioned products but if you happen to come upon an occassion where you need a gift for me, you really need to co-ordinate on this people...

kids these days...

if you think living in the t.dot is bad... check out what trouble the kiddies over in the UK are getting into!

"Gang of teenage hoodies kicked former soldier to death for $5 they wanted to spend on booze and drugs"
A former soldier was beaten to death in a drink and drug-fulled attack by a gang of teenagers who wanted cash to buy more alcohol and cannabis.

"Drunk boys, 13 and 16, raped and murdered woman before dumping body in a river"
Two drunken teenagers raped and murdered a mother-of-two before finally dumping her body in a river, a court heard.

it almost makes me want to say something crazy like, "i'll take my jane & finch over that any day!" but let's not go quite that far.

McCouture

"Burger and chic: McDonald's uniforms get glamorous revamp from Diana's designer"

mcdonald's employees in the UK get an fashion upgrage...

i don't think the change would go over so well on this side of the pond... the flannel & trucker hat clad folk that frequent the burger joint most consistantly would not be impressed.

never-never land

i've never looked like this ever in my whole life so the chances of me looking like Iman at 53 freaking years old are on the slim side... but a girl can dream can't she?

it's all the sex with david bowie... it's gotta be like the fountain of youth!

[source]

water on the knee... operation!

did you know...?

* if all the world's water were fit into a gallon jug, the avaible fresh water would only be about a tablespoon

* humans are 66% water, elephants are 70% water, and chickens are 75% water

* a small drip from a faucet can waster as much as 75 litres of water a day

* water leaves the stomach 5 monutes after consumption

* brushing your teeth uses 7.5 litres (2 gallons) of water... while brushing your teeth, instead of leaving the tap running, fill up a glass to rinse your mouth instead - seriously, do people do this? leave the water on while brushing their teeth? i've never seen this...

and finally and possibly most importantly...

* it takes 5680 litres (1500 gallons) of water to process one barrel of beer

[source]

did you know...?

in the movie Monsters, Inc., Sulley's fur has over 2,320,413 hairs!

no vacation is complete without...

speaking of Daily Mail craziness... if this headline doesn't grab you, you might want to go see a doctor about something we like to refer to as a heartbeat.

"Sun, sand, sex and stupidity: Why thousands of middle-aged women are obsessed with holiday gigolos"

and chalk full of statements like "The chance of a harmless sexual fling, or something more sinister?" and "The ultimate risk is death." how can you not be further intrigued?

hair-raising

wow... that was a lame title for this post... but let's just run with it, shall we?

first off, i love The Daily Mail. it always reports on the craziest shit. the british are awesome. and where else (except possibly japan?) would you find something like this???

if you want the story behind the picture you can follow the link below but i find it much better to make up my own headline... something like: "human-mouse hybrid created in london lab" or "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

but if you're a buzzkill, here's the real one:
"Singer Adele takes inspiration from Minnie Mouse with bizarre new hairstyle"

trash compactor

april 22 is EARTH DAY!

so to inspire you to clean up your act for at least one day, here are some things you may or may not have known:

~ american swimming pools contain enough water to cover the city of san francisco with a layer of water 7 feet deep.

~ in 1987, americans made enough trash to fill a 24-lane highway 1 foot deep from boston to los angeles...

~ oh yeah... and the official april 22 date for earth day was first used in 1970 and proposed by wisconsin senator gaylord nelson. seriously, why would you ever name your kid that?

~ april 22, 1970 (the first earth day celebrated on a set date) was the 10th birthday of vladimir lenin.

~ equinotical earth day is celebrated on the march equinox... blah, blah, blah... go here to find out why.

up, up, up and away!

here's a world record that i bet you've never heard of...
the record for most hours flying with balloons is set at 19 hours. like my previous post about records, how would you figure out that THIS was the record you wanted to set?

well for one brazilian priest (because you know, that's what brazilian priests are known for - flying with balloons... didn't you know?), breaking that record might be a career-culminating feat.

"Brazilian priest carried away by balloons; missing"

dude was trying to raise money for a spiritual rest-stop for truckers in paranagua... i mean, i'm all for showy displays of grandeur but don't you think like a bake sale would have been a better idea?

melt your heart... literally!

do you remember way back when i warned you about the dangers of mixing cinnabon with your health? well apparently, mcdonald's wanted to jump on the cinnamon-flavoured, heart attack-inducing bandwagon as well!

"Cinnamon Melts push the limits"

here are all the overly nutritious details per 114g serving: 460 calories, 19g sugar, 400mg of sodium and 20g of fat (8g saturated, 0.2g trans) along with a host of other ingredients that you probably don't want to know about.

so if you're doing your fine dining at golden arches, you'll have the big mac & fires entree, with a coke of course... and a cinnamon melt for dessert! that's a whopping 1570 calories! like 80% of your daily calories in one sitting! and don't forget you still have to cram breakfast and lunch under that calorie salary cap too!

good news: if you can do without your cinnamon fix, you could have an apple pie AND an "ice milk" cone with fewer calories!

but there is good news for the cinnamon melts... there are worst mcoffenders out there - mcflurries can have anywhere between 500 and 890 calories! sweet, sweet, oreo-blended jesus! i don't think i could bring myself to eat one of those ever again! (interesting note: did you know that a small DQ "Health Blizzard" is 610 calories?? doesn't sound very healthy to me... in contrast, a small pineapple blizzard is only 390 calories and a large "Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard" is a whopping 1490 calories!)

as bad as they are for you doesn't it's attractiveness and care of preparation make you want to run out and grab a cinnamon melt right this instant?

mary jane

in honour of 4/20 yesterday and also in honour of the release of Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay later this week, Sun Media has lovingly put together a little list of the Top Stoner Duos:

Cheech & Chong

Jay & Silent Bob

Bill & Ted

Wayne & Garth

Method Man & Redman

Bob & Doug McKenzie

praise jesus!

in case you didn't know, my family, we're not so much the church-going type. it's just not high on our list of priorities... i mean, my mom and dad both do a lot for their church but just not during that sunday morning time slot. myself, i'm just not a religion person... the whole concept is strange and a tad creepy to me but we shant get into that right now.

anyhoo... this weekend my sister decided that she wanted to go to church... possibly because of the biblical happenings (re: flood) at our house recently, who knows. i secured my seat in hell next to all my friends by remaining steadfastly in bed whilst everyone else went off to church.

it so happens that we are close family friends with the minister of the church and there is this on-going joke about how we never actually attend church anymore and he keeps joking that if we did, he'd have to introduce the family as "new members"... another thing you need to know about this church before we continue is that the congregation is predominantly... caucasian.

so they're going to church... and because it's out family, they're running out the door at the very last minute...

so as i'm blissfully (and sinfully) sleeping away, i get this little scene in my head...
my parents trying to sneak in the door and sit down while the minister is preaching away but their sneaking does not go unnoticed. the minister stops mid-sermon and proclaims:

"Dear sweet Jesus! THE BLACKS are at church!"

witless exchange

a series of texts between me and the boyfriend...

the boyfriend: i could really go for a long nap in a shady hammock...

me: but we don't have a shady hammock. we don't even have a upstanding, moral hammock!

the boyfriend: the couch in front of the tv will suffice.

me: while at least you aren't in a basement...

filling up emptying my pockets...

"Oil prices slip below $115 a barrel"

interesting, interesting...
then why this morning did the gas station have a posted price of $1.20/litre?? that's 3 cents more than yesterday and almost 8 cents more than earlier this week...

usually, a spike in the price of oil per barrel drives up the price of gas but there seems to be a little bit of a reversal this week. does this mean that gas prices will go down when oil goes up? hardly. these money grubbers/gougers certainly know their craft. when oil goes back up again, gas prices are going to skyrocket!

this is all part of the plan to get gas to past the projected mark of $1.50/litre this summer... the gas companies think that if they f*ck (keeping it clean for the kids) with us now, they can go even further when summer rolls around.

but i better stop talking about it... when people raise a fuss or proclaim something crazy like "gas - $2.00/litre this summer!" the gas companies feel obliged to live up to the hype.

betrayal

in case you didn't know... mmm... i love turtles!

but not quite like that. they are an awesome and different (ugh... dogs and cats? so boring!) pet that are SO cute as evidenced by my little hank:

BUT... there may be another pet out there to draw me away from my loyalty to turtle! *~GASP!~* shock and awe! shock. and. awe.

what pet could it be you ask?

ladies and gentlemen, if you will, please take a gander at THIS:

it's an African Pygmy Hedgehog!

isn't he precious?

as cute as a turtle? maybe. but let's not tell hank, ok?

child services

so today the office is full! well, fuller than normal...

we've got the new guy, the co-op (new NEW guy) kid, AND the "young lad" from kingston came to our office today. so THIS is what it feels like to work in an actual office! not so bad...

but anyway, we're all freshly graduated and our senior CAD guy is wrangling us while we flit about doing our projects... a question here, a "please help me" there...

i can only imagine that for him it's like running a daycare centre...

thoughts...

do i really want to know why my laura secord french mint eggs give me 6% of my recommended daily intake of iron?

you are what you eat?

did you know...?

between 1970 and 2004, chicken consumption in america more than doubled to almost 60 pounds per person each year.

cluck, cluck!

[source]

america's got talent

who says kids these days ain't got no ambition???

"13-year-old boy inflates 213 balloons with nose in attempt to break record"

oh good. i was hoping someone would set this record. i'm sure it'll promote world peace or cure cancer or something...

my question is (well, maybe not my only question but an intriguing one none the less) how does one find out they have such a talent???

milestone... maybe

so Blogger tells me this is my 500th post! hurray!!
but by my count, this is only post 498...

including this post, here's the run down:
you do the math... close enough, eh?

so in lieu of certainty...

happy 500th-ish post to me!

remember oh so long ago when we celebrated 200 posts? yeah... that was fun.
we'll celebrate again at some other arbitrary milestone... say like post #842?

(disclaimer: there's no way is hell i'm going to remember that arbitrary number so when we get there and i forget to celebrate, don't bug me about it.)

easy casting

did you know...?

at the end of original Star Wars, most of the crowd watching Luke and Han recieve their medallions were cardboard cutouts.

filing a WSIB complaint

so we (sidebar: generally when i say "we" i'm usually just talking about me and the discussion about the voices in my head can be saved for another time with a hired professional) got another great preview of what the "new office" is going to be like in terms of acoustics this morning... a 10,000 decibel conversation about something-or-other (technical term) was going on INSIDE MY HEAD... or at least that's what it felt like. these people, they are not quiet.

i'm thinking that if i reported this to the health and safety people we'd each be given a box of ear plugs and the door of the "new office" (yes, i'm pairing it with "rabbit ears" now) would be adorned with this:

thoughts...

how do people do this working thingy for their whole lives?
i'm not even at it for a whole year and i'm so done with it, it's not even funny.

thoughts...

i wonder if there's any truth to the myth that evil witches can be dispatched with plain, ordinary water...

what a nasty way to start a weekend

seeing as no interesting news happened yesterday that people are choosing to report about i just thought i'd inform you that we are having some serious WEATHER here in p-ville. all blowy and rainy... very unpleasent if you ask me.

so when i was leaving the house this morning in the WEATHER i asked my dad if he left the driver's side door open last night... the keyhole on the driver's side door is busted and will not open from the outside and the automatic lock system is also all busted-ass so if the car is all locked up, you have to first open the passenger door then reach across and unlock the driver's door. anyway, he says he locked it. so i gather all my stuff and run out into the WEATHER. turns out ALL the doors are open. so as i'm thinking i'm unlocking the passenger door i'm actually locking it!

i called him when i got to work to tell him he was the worst person even and he didn't deny it. he said he was laughing at me watching me from the front door.

spoiled brats

today i've listened to nothing but moaning and complaining about our new office...

for some reason, the plans/layout for this new office are being kept very hush-hush but someone got a look at the new layout (well, me too but i didn't share because let's be honest, what's the point?) and now talk of it is all anyone can converse about.

the big babies are crying over the fact that they are losing their offices. with walls! wah, wah... it's going to be loud! there won't be any privacy! they have to share a "workspace"... etc.

in actual fact, they've been pampered in the office department for the last 20+ years. most offices now are these open concpet dealies where it's just all cubicles. it's a cheaper solution and it encourages more interaction between co-workers. around here right now, essentially no one speaks to one another unless it's abosolutely necessary or if they accidentally bump into each other in the coffee room.

i'm not against these open offices having never had an actual walled-in office of my own but i am slightly against the exact setup planned for the new office. here's a reminder of what the new office will be like:
yay cubicles! but boo having them all aligned... and boo for only 2 walls per person. it's like you've been bad and so now you have to go sit in the corner! and not only that, 4 for you have been bad and you're each sitting in a different corner of the room! sneaking looks over your shoulder to make sure no of the others being punished are continuing to be bad, perhaps hoping to buy yourself some parole for good behaviour...

and there is my main reason for disliking the new setup... you've got 3 pairs of eyes (albeit possibly eyes in the backs of heads) on you at all times! so i'm not the most fastideous worker... but if i had to do real work all day long, for 8 hours straight, i'd surely go insane! a) i don't actually have that much work! and b) it's SO booorrring! maybe, if we're lucky, they'll turn the work stations around so we're all facing the middle of the "room" and we lose the bad kid feel of sitting facing the corner...

anyway, all this complaining that's going on isn't happening in the privacy of the soon-to-be-gone offices, it's happening out in the middle of the cubicled area where i am! so it's like a free preview of what it's going to be like! i don't think the complainers are quite grasping the irony of the situation...

celebrity fruit salad

ugh...

i just found out that former spice girl geri halliwell named her daughter bluebell...

i hope she didn't just name her bluebell halliwell i hope is was like bluebell agnes halliwell or something so when the kid gets older she can go by her middle name. (although frank zappa's kids seem to be handling life rather well despite their names... but then again, their dad is frank freaking zappa!)

at first i read that the spice spawn was named blueberry and my initial thought was oh great! let's throw her in a bowl with apple paltrow-martin and we can have fruit salad! and then i started fantasizing about naming my kids in line with this new celebrity trend... i'd name them banana and grapefruit. what do you think?

infinity... and beyond!

introducing the Nubrella - an umbrella you wear

no seriously, i'm not kidding.

the company that's hoping you'll buy this ridiculousness is billing it as the ultimate hands-free weather protector. and this eyesore that'll make you easily identifiable in a crowd will only set you back about $60.

why not go with this onld standby that you can easily purchase at the dollar store???

actually, you know what this nubrella thingy reminds me of?

yeah... it'll be perfect for my halloween costume for next year! who wants to be the woody to my buzz?

i took it!

and there ain't nuffing you bitches can dos about it! except maybe share it with me... koo-koo-kachu! because i lufffff you SOO much! you hear me?!? i lufff you! but you just wait right here over there cause i gotta go to the pee now...

"$24,000 worth of beer stolen in Wis."

moby's my hero

"The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her. I found her moderately appealing in the late '90s, but now I would marry her in a heartbeat."

~ Moby talking about Britney "I'm a trainwreck and you love it!" Spears

[source]

letter writing - apr. 9 2008

dear poseidon,

maybe you didn't get my note from yesterday? the one where i asked you to please, stop with the water already?

while i'm delighted beyond description that it's not actually raining inside my house (although, i'll have to wait until lunch to confirm that), all this percipitation is really putting a damper (HA!) on the warmest day of the spring so far.

hippo & hay bales,
jenn

ringin' my bells

i don't know if anyone noticed (or cared) but it's raining ark-style in the great city of pickering this morning...

on my way down the stairs i stopped on the landing to peer out the window at things getting wet and wondering why i parked my car so far away this morning even though the clouds were threatening rain for like the last 2 days. leaning closer to the window a had a lapse in depth perception and my forehead and the wall came into full contact with the speed i wasn't even aware i was leaning into the window with. thawk!

thank god no one was around to witness that spectacular feat of intelligence.
the mark on my forehead may prompt questions later however...

when animals attack...

well... sorta...

"NZ man accused of using hedgehog as weapon"

???
what is this?
this, my friends, is crazy.

assult with a weapons carries a maximum charge of 5 years in prison... and you used a headgehog? i would have used a white african endangered rhino!

energy diet

on the radio today i happened upon an amusing ad for The Great Refridgerator Roundup sponsered by everykilowattcounts.ca

and in a case of advertising actually working, i went to the site to see what it was all about.
it's pretty cool (pun not intended but it IS giggle-worthy) - they come and pick up your old refridgerator for free! they'll even haul it out of your basement for you if need be!

and there bunches of other interesting things to look at while your there.

i took their Electric Personality Quiz (sorry no link... but you'll find it easily if you go to the main site) and it turns out i'm a "pragmatic conserver" just like 1/3 of most people in ontario. i'm not on a envrio mission but i do care.

check it out.

letter writing - apr. 8 2008

dear poseidon,

what did we do to piss you off?

please, stop with the water already!

giraffes & grenades,
jenn

word of the day

neurosis
noun
1. also called psychoneurosis. a functional disorder in which feelings of anxiety, obsessional thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical complaints without objective evidence of disease, in various degrees and patterns, dominate the personality.
2. a relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment.

twitch, twitch...

houseboat

so you know what my house is really good at? leaking.
you can read all about our previous (and might i add quite recent) aquatic adventures here, here and here...

and yesterday our house decided to go for the gold medal in being wet and deal us another disastrous hand (too many metaphors?) in the form of a seriously leaking laundry room sink.

you see, it all started with a mop. (the last mop we'd ever buy according to the lady who sold it to us...) when i came home for lunch yesterday my mom was just getting ready to use her new mop on the kitchen floor. i around the corner to get the mail while she was filling the mopping bucket. i come back and the floor of the laundry room is a wading pool. ok, i exaggerate but there was like a quarter inch of water on the floor in like a metre radius around the sink! and water is coming out of the cabinet the sink is attached to.

our new mop might be the last one we'd ever buy but it's definitely not the last mop we'd ever need. the hunt for the mop that sops up water ensues. i phoned my dad to see if he remembered where he'd put it after our last water incident and no he can't help me on that but wants to know if any water was in the basement because you never know and you just might want to check...

good thing too! as the saying goes... water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink...

anyone who has seen our basements knows it's less of a basement and more of a large, fatally unorganized storage unit. it's mostly unfinished and just completely FULL. more so now that we've been packing stuff away in preparation for replacing the ruined floors from before (i know, i keep mentioning that but the more frustrating it gets for you hearing about it, the more you'll understand what i'm going through) and putting the stuff that's not going into off-site storage in the basement! like duh where else would we put it?!? so there is one corner of the basement that is partially finished and we've been putting a lot of stuff there mostly because the area was clear. guess, just go ahead and guess what that area is right beneath...

if you said a) the family room where there couldn't possibly be any water at any time, i'm sorry that's wrong.
if you said b) the bathroom where water might be but it's not leaking right this second, i'm sorry that's also wrong.
if you said c) duhh!!! the laundry room!, you're absolutely correct! if shit could go wrong it probably will!

my mom and i spent like an hour and a half mopping up upstairs and hauling wet stuff out of the "danger area"... this partially finished area was the play area when my sisters and i were kids and some of our old books and a bunch of our old games and play things were still down there... so those things got to suntan all afternoon in an attempt to dry them out.

then it's like oh shit! i have to go back to work! here's me in flip flops with my pants rolled up to to knees and my hair in a knobby ponytail... i run (not literally of course... i drove!) back to work grab all my stuff and tell my boss (possibly in a sting of incoherent words) that i need to go back home and he seemed to understand so i left.

for the rest of the afternoon we tried to dry stuff out and got busy rearranging stuff in the basement so that we could see how far the water got... it got the whole carpet in the partially finished area (thankfully it was just laid on the concrete - easy to fix) and the walls/insulation in that area, and the sink cabinet and floors in the laundry room... last night the insurance people came in again and took more walls, and took more carpet, and left the fans and dehumidifiers again! total deja vu.

here's our newly de-renovated basement and laundry room in all their glory:

oh yeah, and just for fun, the battery in one of the cars died yesterday too.

but on the plus side, i made a pretty bitchin' beef ragu for dinner last night...

hickville, USA

warning: celebrity sibling post follows

the only reason she's in the media is because her big sister is famous... or because she's preggers AND her big sister is a media wreck...

anyhoo jamie lynn spears was out and about for her 17th birthday this weekend and it was good, ol' fashioned, down south, family fun! her baby daddy splurged for the occassion and took her to walmart and then out for dinner at the classy neighbourhood ruby tuesday...

i know she's just a kid and she's from the south and i know that i probably did something similar for my 17th birthday but is just seems so weird that this is actually reportable news! i'm sitting here thinking to myself yeah, and...? it's like reporting that my little sister went to school today and she wore shoes. why aren't news serials paying for my exclusive pictures of my sister wearing shoes and going to school? crazy...

meanwhile, in other hickville news:
"Turkey breaks into house"

photogenic wars!

this morning, both the news serials that i normally read ran stories about canadian songbird (and a favourite of mine) feist and her brand new shiny junos...

canoe.ca --> "Feist sweeps Juno Awards"
thestar.com --> "Feist is the Junos homecoming queen"

and my congratulations are going out to the canoe.ca entertainment staff for selecting the worst picture ever to run with their story. i've noticed that canoe.ca is quite good at using the worst pictures ever... as evidenced by this post from last week.

here are the pictures:

doesn't it look like they could be 2 different people?

every vote counts!

my sister has entered a picture of her chinchilla in a funny pet contest... you should all help her out and vote for little darwin!

there are like 10 billion photos but the one you're looking for is this one:

it should be on the first page - you can scroll through the pictures along the bottom. the photo title is "Greedy Little Chinchilla"

so VOTE NOW

gawd... i know lots of people love their dogs and cats but LOTS of people love them... there are so many dog & cat pictures! so boring! when most people think of pets, all they think of are cats and dogs! there are so many much more interesting pets out there!

you know what's really god-damned annoying? when people call themselves mommy & daddy in reference to their pets. like dog's with "mommy's little angel" sweaters... it's freaking unhealthy.

meanwhile, at the MENSA convention

"5th-grader finds 27-year-old Smithsonian mistake"

ha ha... all are you smarter than a 5th grader jokes aside...

"On a winter break trip [...] the 11-year-old southwestern Michigan boy noticed that a notation, in bold lettering, mistakenly identified the Precambrian as an era."

and just so you know, in academic circles, mistakenly indentifing something as an era is just as bad if not worse than showing up to an event in the same dress as someone else.

the boy and his father noted the mistake on a comment card on the way out and last week they recieved a letter saying he was "spot on."

the smithsonian tried to downplay their blunder saying that department staff had noticed it back in the day and it bugged them but i guess they were just to lazy to paint over the word "era" which is the current solution being employed now.

in another move of shear brilliance, the museum addressed the kid's letter to "Kenton Slufflebeam"... that's MR. sTufflebeam to you!

yabba dabba doo!!

"Artist beats ticket for 'driving' pedal car"
Spectators giggle as prosecutor points out dangers of operating fake Buick

dangers like tea light headlights... "What would happen of a lit candle hit another car?" well? WHAT? what would happen? i guess we'll never find out because he withdrew the question after the courtroom got a fit of the giggles...

i would SO get this car before i climbed into one of those ridiculous smart cars.

a week late

a buck short...
whatever.

it's still an adorable bun bun! and he says happy easter.

[source]

slave revolt

the peons are grumbling... they are not happy!

if you'll recall, earlier i mentioned that my office was on the move! it's officially moving from "down the street" to "hell far away" from my house... for almost the last year, i've been pampered with the fact that i can drive to work in oh say 5-8 minutes. now, i'm going to have to fight my way through the worst traffic east of the city to get to work - the new office is located at hwys 404 & 7... so there are approximately 4 of the shittiest option in history for me getting to work:

1. fight along the 401 to the 404 and head north - yeah right! like that's going to happen. meadowvale to kennedy is a god-awful mess and let's not even begin to discuss the 401/404 interchange.
2. take the 407 - a) tool (typo but i'm sticking with it) highway... the open road is like somebody's soul, man! you can't charge for it! and b) just because you have to pay to get on it does not guarantee in any way shape or form that it will be devoid of inexplicable traffic snarls during rush hour.
3. steeles - one-lane, traffic lights a plenty, and guess what? about a billion other people had the same idea.
4. hwy 7 - only one-lane for some stretches buuutttttt... think of all the frigging traffic lights! and the chinese drivers!

and i don't even really want to think about it because it's always worse than the morning commute but coming home at night is going to be oh so much worse... why is that? why is traffic coming home always more intense than traffic going to work? it's like people all leave at a different time in the morning but they all opt to come home at the exact same time! stupid.

and that's not even what the grumblings at the office are about... at the new place, we'll all be delegated a "workspace" in an "open concept" type office... and you don't even get to be walled off on 3 sides! you get a nice little area THAT YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH ANOTHER PERSON!

people are up in arms over this... the people here are not accustom to not having an office with walls and a door nor are they accustom to having to interact with others on a continual basis. and now they're stuck wonder what they're going to do with all the shit that's packed into their offices and how they're going to keep private calls private. whoever gets the exciting job of assigning the seating arrangements is going to have a heck of a time trying to figure out pairs of people that will be able to stand each other for more than a couple of hours...

and the noise! these people are NOT quite talkers. forget about the frequent arguments, the normal discussions are about 200,00 decibels. i swear, worse than a chinese resturaunt. and then we're all out in the open and say more than 2 people are talking? concentration is not going to be easy.

le sigh... let the adventure begin!

you think YOUR job sucks?

well, it probably does... and probably nothing's going to make you feel better about that except maybe winning the lottery and torching your office building to the ground in celebration.

but just for fun...

Worst Celebrity Photos EVER!

kidding... it's atually a list of jobs celebrities had before becoming famous. but DAMN! those are bad pictures! some of them are so crisp and stark that you wonder how anyone would every want to put these people on film! what happened to the airbrushers?? also, there are a whole bunch of awkward angles and "candid" shots that aren't going any good things. watch out when you click the link cause the first thing is madonna's crazy mug slapping you in the face...

job-wise, it's not horrendous stuff (mostly jobs they probably had when they were in high school, like rachel mcadams worked summers at mcdonalds... boo hoo...) but there is some intersting things... like did you know that neve campbell used to work in the canadian department of indian and northern affairs? and did you know that whoopi coldberg used to be a bricklayer AND a bank teller??

"from the looks of the hoods, we didn't think we'd survive..."

and possibly they shouldn't have but nevertheless...
the new kids on the block are reuniting! blah, blah, blah... first picture together in 15 years... whatever.

my question is: back in the day, weren't these guys supposed to be hot or something? driving the pre-teens crazy? what was up with that?

pffft... they didn't do it for me then and they certainly aren't doing it for me now.

what the world needs now...

is mullets, sweet mullets... ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Celebrity Mullets!

check out this bad boy... how could you possibly resist?? the power of the mullet just draws you in! you are powerless against the mullet!

this was the absolute best way to start my day! i highly recommend it. much better and possibly more nutrious than oh i don't know carnation instant breakfast and only just edging out this breakfast.

elegant spring fashions

well, at least it's not an inappropriately placed belt that appears to be giving mariah carey a waist in this picture... although, i'm not quite sure i like the alternative much better.

and this isn't even the first instance of waist cinching via a bomber jacket! she has multiple jackets (see here and here), each in a different colour! one in every colour of the rainbow! the new mariah spring collection - ill-fitting mini dresses and waist-cinching bomber jackets. coming to a mall near you!

thoughts...

can inept co-workers give you brain cancer?
i think so.

the breakfast club

people, i present to you the official breakfast of champions.

fruit and cupcakes. it's what's for breakfast.

how many times do you think i can use the word breakfast in this post without sounding to repetitive? 3 was already too many you say?

and just in case you were worried about my health, i didn't actually eat the cupcakes for breakfast (4th time's the charm) - i'm saving those delicious morsels for second breakfast!

breakfast breakfast breakfast BREAKFAST!

probably more than you needed to know

"Octopuses are the kinky creatures of the sea, researchers find"


Marine biologists studying wild octopuses have found a kinky and violent society of jealous murders, gender subtrefuge and once-in-a-lifetime sex.

come on! how can you not read that article now? you interest is piqued!

[picture by artist Hajime Sorayama]

letter writing - apr. 1 2008

dear new new guy,

do you have any idea how hard it is to unproductive when someone is just sitting over there being all eager beaver? do you? any idea?
it's hard like freaking diamonds!

first you and other new guy come in here because apparently my department needs more help and you take all the work so that each of us has oh say about an hour's worth of work each day and now when i'm finished my work and have nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs you're over there all perky and "yessir, i can help you with that!"

and it's not like you're down the way where i can ignore you and go about my business in peace... you're RIGHT behind me. even if i have my back to you, i can see every move you make out of the corner of my eye and damn if that's not annoying and distracting!

here's hoping your piddly month-long co-op goes fast.

firecrackers & fiddlesticks,
jenn

what will they think of next???

"Nomophobia is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact - and it's the plague of our 24/7 age"

that's a rather foreboding headline isn't it? it's like cheeseburgers - they'll be the death of us all!!!

it's nomophobia or "no mobile phobia" and apparently it could affect as much as 53% of cell phone users! people who suffer from this *cough* affliction freak out if their phones are out of service or low on battery and let's not even talk about what happens when they ~gasp!~ LOSE their phones!

ah the british... not only are they crazy, they use the most delightful language. it was hard for me to get the gist of this article at first because i was all distracted by phrases like "moving house" and "switched off"... and you can just imagine some man with this elegant accent delivering this in a newscast...

word of the day

in honour of april fool's day...

prank
noun
a trick of an amusing, playful, or sometimes malicious nature.

synonyms: caper, escapade, antic, shenanigan

[source]