it's all in the phrasing

Best Trivial Pursuit Question Ever

as hilariously (and possibly unintentionally) lewd as that is, i was almost as amused with the comments section:

being viral makes viral thing go viral.

other 11' inch things at hogwarts here.

WARNING: definitely nsfw. and also nsfawdwtst - not safe for anyone who doesn't want to sleep tonight... the bravest of you who read it, i dare you to tell me you didn't cry a little bit in horror.

koalaz is hoz

did you know...?

Three quarters of all captive female koalas suffer from a strain of Chlamydia that can result in sterility.

mmm... spicy.

luckily there's still one quarter that can turn out adorable baby koalas like this:

check out more cute baby zoo animals here:
20 Cutest ZooBorns On Earth

WANT!

you may or may not remember my earlier post about the grammar-loving alot (you should totally remember it because it was awesome!) but in case you forgot, here's a little reminder:

It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what i imagine:

The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak, and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

a few examples to clear up any confusion:

so yeah, now you're all caught up on what alots are all about...
now on to the WANT part!
i WANT this crocheted alot!!!

i KNOW there are some crochet-savvy people (unlike me who is failing miserably at learning to crochet) who could totally make this!!! a shiny nickel to whoever makes me one!

let them eat cake meat

The World's Most Carnivorous Countries

1. Denmark (321 lbs)

According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, the average Dane devours 321 lbs. of meat a year.

2. New Zealand (313 lbs)
3. Luxembourg (312 lbs)
4. Cyprus (289 lbs)
5. USA! USA! USA! (275 lbs)

damn, USA! you got out-meated by luxembourg?
LUXEMBOURG!!!
it's one of the smallest nations in the world!
i guess the difference between the US and luxembourg is that americans will keep 200 of those pounds on their bodies in fat while luxembourgians (???) will work it all off...

smiles!

did you know...?

apparently, if you lose your balloon at disneyland you can go to city hall on main street and tell them what happened, you'll get a voucher for a replacement balloon! no more tears!

what's important

on this list of the world's greatest inventions, #1 should have been "taking things for granted" or "ignorance"
i don't know what sample of vapid idiots they polled for this list but they should probably all be sterilized.

here are a few of the inventions and their rankings:

1. wheel
8. iphone
11. contraceptive pill
16. steam engine
22. toilet paper
24. google
29. hot water (does that even count??)
34. hair straighteners
39. space travel
42. bed
66. make-up
69. the game of football
82. facebook

i suggest checking out the whole list to see what outranked what...

what did you do today?

are you more of a cute panda or a jerk jellyfish?

How Animals Spend A Typical Day

yummy lolz

Tacos
Difficult enough to eat when motionless, food that disassembles itself into a tossed salad should never be consumed while in any form of motion.

from: 10 most dangerous foods to eat behind the wheel

i don't fully agree with this list and i would argue that the foods mentioned are more just plain messy than dangerous...

additional lolz for the actual existance for this product:

it's a matter or personal definition...

Eating Contests to Avoid

the internet is killing written communication

i can only imagine the quality of school work being turned in by teenagers these days...

4 my report i red the book 2 kill a mockingbird.
its a story about atticus finch & his 2 kids. atticus is a suit who is defending tom robinson in court on a charge of rapin mayella ewell. turns out that she was made it all up but he goes 2 the big house n-e-way & gets killed escaping & that makes all the ppl feel bad about being not nice 2 him xcept 4 mayella's dad bob ewell cause he was all embarrassed when ppl found out he was lying about the cause 4 the trial in the first place & now he wants revenge on atticus 4 making him look a fool. he attacks atticuses kids jem & scout but this strange guy boo radley saves them @ the last minute.
i can relate 2 tom 4 being guilty til proven innocent cause my parents always think im doing bad things & they never leave me alone. i never did n-e-thing as bad as what they said tom did but its like hopeless when they r in charge & u are outnumbered.
my fav part in the book was where bob ewell is angry @ atticus & spitz in his face. it prolly wasnt suposta be funny but i LOLed. OMG, that was mad disresekt.

hmm... very nice. i'm sure it'll get a A+
but look at me being all hypocritical! this is a blog for heaven's sake! gammar, punctuation, and spelling errors run rampent throughout my posts!

it's the internet and people can pretty much do whatever they want so you're just going to have to get used to it...

but just in case you get heart palpitations every time you find some unsavoury misuse of the english language, a super savvy blogger out there has come up with a few ways to help keep yu from losing your cool.

It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what I imagine:The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

there are a lot more alot examples so you should definitely go check out the post:
The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

jumping on the bandwagon

given how insanely popular vampire media has once again become in the last little while, i suppose it was only a matter of time before something like this happened...

University Offering Master's Degree in Vampiric Literature

in what might be the worst joke in the history of wordplay, one might say this is a subject that a student could really sink their teeth into...

i cannot WAIT until someone someone publishes their thesis on how twilight can be so unbelievably lame and popular at the same time...

false advertizing?

ingredients: water, glucose-fructose and/or sugar, concentrated pear juice, citric acid, natural flavours.

sounds like pear juice to me...

and yet, curiously enough, it comes with this label:
cherry? pineapple? grapes?
i don't remember any of those from the ingredient list... i suppose those are the 'natural' flavours of which they speak.

fruit punch?
well, yes, pear IS a fruit..
and technically there is no law stating fruit punch must be a combination of several different types of fruit juice...
but you know, sometime you just expect certain things.
i guess that'll teach me a thing or too about expecting!

hypothetical

if you unknowingly put your underwear on inside out in the morning, would you take the time and effort to fix it once you found out?

hypothetical

if you asked for coal for christmas, what would santa do if you were naughty?

hypothetical

in a public washroom, would you rather settle down to a warm toilet seat or a cold one?

world's worst weather predictor predicts more winter

shubenacadie sam, punxsutawney phil, and ontario's own wiarton willie are all predicting 6 more weeks of winter.

in the ceremony where the chubby critters unceremoniously (HA! see what i did there? unceremoniously in a ceremony! oh come on... work with me here!) dragged from their burrows, all 3 of the famous groundhogs saw their shadows indicating that was should hunker down and prepare for another 6 weeks of winter.

but if you preemptively got out your shorts and tank tops hoping for an early spring, don't be too hasty in putting them away... a study by the US national climatic data center says that between 1988 and 2002 punxsutawney phil saw his shadow ten times... but seven of those years featured above average temperatures for february and march.

thinking things through logically, it IS only the second day of february... groundhog prediction aside, we are already guaranteed AT LEAST 4 more weeks of winter. that extra two weeks isn't that unbearable considering that we've had major snowfalls into april in the past. besides, who in canada is fool enough to be thinking spring is just around the corner in february?

hannibal lecter's tea party

right, shopping list for teas:
~ black tea
~ chinese tea
~ green tea
~ oolong tea
~ white tea
~ roobois tea
~ eyelid tea
~ herbal tea

wait, what was that last one?
herbal tea?
no, the one before that...
roobois?
no...
oh, eyelid tea!

"While there really is no consensus on exactly where the earliest tea plants were grown in Asia and how people got the idea to drink it, there are a number of myths concerning how tea originated and why people started drinking it. One story says that a Buddhist monk named Bodhidharma, the founder of Chan Buddhism, was meditating for nine years, at which point, he fell asleep. The story says he was so upset that he cut off his own eyelids, which took root and grew into the first tea plants. Other versions of the story say that Buddha himself was the one who cut his eye lids off and started the first tea plants."

apparently, january is national hot tea month... so the folks over at neatorama have compiled a little story about all the great things about tea!

rules to live your life by

"Twenty Life Lessons Learned From New Super Mario Bros. Wii"

1. never trust a flying turtle.
2. make it a habit to bang your head against brick walls. sometimes money comes out.
3. when choosing between shooting fireballs and iceballs, consider the climate.
4. reincarnation is real.
5. you can walk on clouds.
6. water, too.
7. if you have spare time, jump around aimlessly until free stuff starts appearing.
8. money grows on trees.
9. why not just wear the same outfit every day?
10. throw animals whenever you can.
11. unless they're big enough for you to ride on them.
12. climbing inside cannons isn't dangerous at all.
13. jumping directly on top of a flagpole is worth the pain.
14. exercise isn't going to shrink your fat belly.
15. brown mushrooms: bad.
16. colorful mushroom: great.
17. money buys happiness.
18. if you get stuck, call your smarter and more patient little brother.
19. every man should be willing to put his life on hold for a princess.
20. a plumber can accomplish great things.
    

science up your breakfast

because we can all agree that breakfast is the most boring meal of the day (unfertilized chicken butt orbs? sounds yummy...) here's a way to simultaneously make things a little more interesting and possibly disrupt the time-space continuum using math:

"Scientific!: How To Cut A Mobius Strip Bagel"

useless math

so we all know our pythagorean theorms, and our convergence theorms, and out 2nd laws of physics, and all that jazz... but have you ever heard of Dolbear's Law? alright smartass in the back of the class... so YOU'VE heard of it but pipe down so everyone else can learn someting useless!

so THIS is dolbear's law:and do you know what dolbear's law tells us?
it tell us the relationship between air temperature and...

...

...

wait for it...

...

...

... the rate at which snowy tree crickets chirp.

oh excellent... just last weekend i was out in the woods listening to snowy tree crickets chirping and i was wondering what the temperature was. who knew i could have been able to calculate it using a simple formula??

how would one decide to come up with a relationship for something as obscure as that??

well take this little pearl of wisdom and tuck it in your hip pocket because you never know when it could come in handy... but beware! it does NOT work with common field crickets!