dumb jokes for smart people

the title pretty much says it all... just because you're an intellectual doesn't make you immune from stupid jokes. here are some brainy puns that are sure to make you groan.

it's true... like getting that girl pregnant in high school.

peer pressure is intense.

but neither win against rock, paper, scissors, or my shoe.

but i always colour inside the lines.

go ahead, circle-lover! try an argue the point!

(ha! see what i did there? yeah, i used the same joke again... what of it?)

like chemistry cat? more here.

why are we just learning about this now?!?

and so begins the pointing and laughing...

now, i don't normally advocate embracing your inner nerd but there are some pressures that one simply must cave to! especially when something is being endorsed by the original james t. kirk himself - freaking WILLIAM SHATNER!

please, i beg you, do not admonish me for this!

myouterspace.com

it's a new social networking site that isn't "explicitly Trek-inspired but instead is aimed at sci-fi fans with artistic interests."

so far, i've only registered and i'm not entirely sure what everything's all about so that's something you'll need to explore for yourself should you so choose.

it's like battlestar galactica where you get to belong to a planet but which planet you choose depends on what you're most interested in...
Anteros - animation, motion & graphic design
Creatia - writers, directors and playwrights
Sirius - for those all about gaming (game player, game developers, testers)
Zara - actors, actresses, comedians, etc.
Triton - film & television production (lighting & set designers, sound editors, craft services, hair & makeup people)
Orpheus - musical artists (singers, song writers, film composers, musicians, bands)

so yeah... if i happen to see you on here, i promise not to tell anyone in your real life if you promise the same for me!

the origin of blame...

oh yeah sure, it's all the woman's fault...you're going to go and rat us out, just like that? men...

The Brick Testament

sounds fantastic!

but i still think that designing the future will require engineers to figure out the duration of a month... apparently, this 'month-long' celebration only lasts nine days. i'm sure it's a rounding error or something.

National Engineering Month in Ontario 2010

we're all going to die!

and here's one of the very probable reasons why:

Self Replicating Printers
I'm sure many of you have heard of the RepRap, the open sourced rapid prototyping 3D printer. It's all kinds of awesome, as you can use it to create three dimensional objects from simple patterns. The coolest feature? You can use one RepRap to create most of a second unit! Whoa, hang on a second there. Machines that can self replicate? Yeah, there's no way in hell that could go wrong, right? Jesus, when Skynet grabs this tech, the robots will be popping out babies faster than the Duggars.

"15 Ways Science Will Kill Us All"
[via neatorama]

rules to live your life by

"Twenty Life Lessons Learned From New Super Mario Bros. Wii"

1. never trust a flying turtle.
2. make it a habit to bang your head against brick walls. sometimes money comes out.
3. when choosing between shooting fireballs and iceballs, consider the climate.
4. reincarnation is real.
5. you can walk on clouds.
6. water, too.
7. if you have spare time, jump around aimlessly until free stuff starts appearing.
8. money grows on trees.
9. why not just wear the same outfit every day?
10. throw animals whenever you can.
11. unless they're big enough for you to ride on them.
12. climbing inside cannons isn't dangerous at all.
13. jumping directly on top of a flagpole is worth the pain.
14. exercise isn't going to shrink your fat belly.
15. brown mushrooms: bad.
16. colorful mushroom: great.
17. money buys happiness.
18. if you get stuck, call your smarter and more patient little brother.
19. every man should be willing to put his life on hold for a princess.
20. a plumber can accomplish great things.
    

dreading the week ahead

so miserable mississauga summoned me here for monday and guess what?now i've been condemned to be here possibly all week!
but i'm going to put my foot down and all-out refuse to be here on friday. traffic is fucktareded enough on normal days, let alone crazy fridays! i mean mondays are a little insane but people are just absolutely batty by friday... and are all clamouring to get home/out of town ASAP. anyway, hopefully my resolve holds up and i get my way... work is very unlike home where i ALWAYS get my way.

science up your breakfast

because we can all agree that breakfast is the most boring meal of the day (unfertilized chicken butt orbs? sounds yummy...) here's a way to simultaneously make things a little more interesting and possibly disrupt the time-space continuum using math:

"Scientific!: How To Cut A Mobius Strip Bagel"

intergalactic planetary!

"Gigantic ring around Saturn discovered"

PASADENA, Calif. - The Spitzer Space Telescope has discovered the biggest but never-before-seen ring around the planet Saturn, NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced late Tuesday.

The thin array of ice and dust particles lies at the far reaches of the Saturnian system and its orbit is tilted 27 degrees from the planet's main ring plane, the laboratory said.

JPL spokeswoman Whitney Clavin said the ring is very diffuse and doesn't reflect much visible light but the infrared Spitzer telescope was able to detect it.

Although the ring dust is very cold - minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit - it shines with thermal radiation.

No one had looked at its location with an infrared instrument until now, Clavin said.

[continue reading...]

the force is strong with this one*

another reason obama might just be the most awesome/nerdiest president the united states has even had.

*lamest post title EVER!

budget star wars

le sigh... this is sadness in picture form.

useless math

so we all know our pythagorean theorms, and our convergence theorms, and out 2nd laws of physics, and all that jazz... but have you ever heard of Dolbear's Law? alright smartass in the back of the class... so YOU'VE heard of it but pipe down so everyone else can learn someting useless!

so THIS is dolbear's law:and do you know what dolbear's law tells us?
it tell us the relationship between air temperature and...

...

...

wait for it...

...

...

... the rate at which snowy tree crickets chirp.

oh excellent... just last weekend i was out in the woods listening to snowy tree crickets chirping and i was wondering what the temperature was. who knew i could have been able to calculate it using a simple formula??

how would one decide to come up with a relationship for something as obscure as that??

well take this little pearl of wisdom and tuck it in your hip pocket because you never know when it could come in handy... but beware! it does NOT work with common field crickets!

AWESOME!!!

MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION MARKS ARE AWESOME TOO!!!!!!!!!

galileo's telescope turns 400

"Four hundred years ago Galileo gave birth to modern astronomy with the humblest of instruments, now preserved at a history of science museum in Florence, Italy. A one-and-a-half-inch lens displayed in an ornate frame was ground in 1609. Other followed. Fitted into simple wooden tubes just a few feet long, Galileo's lenses magnified the heavens, bringing Earth's moon, sunspots, and nearby planets into focus."

i highly suggest checking out the telescope timeline that national geographic is also featuring.

picture of the week - jul 27 09

astronomy at the ontario science centre...
(PS - how great is it to have pictures again?!?)

least likely pairing of the day

snoop dog and...

...

...

wait for it...

...

...

buzz aldrin!

and now you're all like, "buzz who?"
buzz aldrin! legenday runner-up (aka loser) in the first-man-on-the-moon contest!
well neil armstrong's (another space cowboy, not that man in the yellow spandax) homeboy is now snoop dog's homeboy!
in the worst attempt ever to make space travel sexy and cool, the unlikely duo is working on a rap, entitled "rocket experience", for the 40th anniversary of the biggest stage production in american history - the moon landing!

i tell the story 'bout my time on the moon now
the sky was black even though the sun shine down
moonwalking's such a trip, it's so fine
when you're walking in the lunar dust

did i mention that mr. aldrin is 79?!?
craziness...

smarter than a bowl of tapioca pudding

so apparently there IS someone out there so math-y that they used math to predict the outcome of the stanley cup...

17-year-old super-geek and hockey lover lance pridham from alberton, PEI predicts that the detroit red wings will defeat the pittsburgh penguins for the 2009 stanley cup.

nerd DIY

geek rights movement

with geek/nerd pride day right around the corner, i thought this would be an excellent opportunity to remind all you gerds (combo of 'geek' and 'nerd' - i'm THAT clever) of your rights and responsibilities...

rights:
1. the right to be even nerdier.
2. the right to not leave your house.
3. the right to not hace a significant other and to be a virgin.
4. the right to not like football or any other sport.
5. the right to associate with other nerds.
6. the right to have few frends (or none at all).
7. the right to have all the nerdy friends you want.
8. the right to not be "in-style."
9. the right to be overweight and have poor eyesight.
10. the right to show off your nerdiness.
11. the right to tak over the world.

responsibilities:
1. to be a nerd, no matter what.
2. try and be nerdier than anyone else.
3. if there is a discussion about something nerdy, you must give an opinion.
4. save any and all nerdy things you have.
5. do everything you can to show off your nerdy stuff as though it were a "museum of nerdiness."
6. don't be a generalized nerd - you must specialize in something.
7. attend every nerdy movie on opening nigth and buy every nerdy book before anyone else.
8. wait in line on every opening night. if you can go in costume or at least with a related t-shirt, all the better.
9. don't waste your time on anything not related to nerddom.
10. try to take over the world.

nowhere on these lists is dying alone... but i guess these are more like "how to" instructions...