it's all in the phrasing

Best Trivial Pursuit Question Ever

as hilariously (and possibly unintentionally) lewd as that is, i was almost as amused with the comments section:

being viral makes viral thing go viral.

other 11' inch things at hogwarts here.

WARNING: definitely nsfw. and also nsfawdwtst - not safe for anyone who doesn't want to sleep tonight... the bravest of you who read it, i dare you to tell me you didn't cry a little bit in horror.

brain broken

no matter how many times i look at the title of this twilight-flavoured news bite (ha!) i ALWAYS misread it...
in my mind it says "Lautner stunned by fat fan"

Lautner stunned by fan tat

because i am totally good at remembering...

earlier last week i posted a little brain teaser about the lesser known full names of fictional characters and just in case you've been pulling your hair out from the stress of not knowing them all, here are the answers:

1. Patricia Reinchardt
E. Peppermint Patty

2. Edgar Mallory
I. The policeman from the game Monopoly

3. Bernie Liederkrantz
D. Guy Smiley from Sesame Street

4. Jonas Grumby
J. The Skipper from Gilligan's Island

5. Noreville Rogers
F. Shaggy from Scooby-Doo

6. Jeff Albertson
C. Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons

7. Barbara Millicent Roberts
A. Barbie

8. Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs
K. The Wizard from The Wizard of Oz

9. Salvatore Assante
L. Turtle from Entourage

10. Nostradamus Shannon
B. Bull from Night Court

11. John Reid
G. The Lone Ranger

12. Cavity Sam
H. The patient from the game Operation

who?

see if you can match up these full names to some of your favourite fictional characters:

1. Patricia Reinchardt
2. Edgar Mallory
3. Bernie Liederkrantz
4. Jonas Grumby
5. Norville Rogers
6. Jeff Albertson
7. Barbara Millicent Roberts
8. Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs
9. Salvatore Assante
10. Nostradamus Shannon
11. John Reid
12. Cavity Sam

A. Barbie
B. Bull from Night Court
C. Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons
D. Guy Smiley from Sesame Street
E. Peppermint Patty
F. Shaggy from Scooby-Doo
G. The Lone Ranger
H. The patient from the game Operation
I. The policeman from the game Monopoly
J. The Skipper from Gilligan's Island
K. The Wizard from The Wizard of Oz
L. Turtle from Entourage

mr. t pities the fool...

...who went to see the new (and horrible looking) a-team movie! HA!

"People die in the film and there's plenty of sex but when we did it, no one got hurt and it was all played for fun and family entertainment. These seem to be elements nobody is interested in anymore.

It was too graphic for me. I've no doubt it will do big business at the box office but it's nothing like the show we turned out every week."

Mr. T blasts A-Team movie

who doesn't like playing with dolls guns?

" ... shooting things is no different from playing with dolls. Dolls become guns and unicorns become hand grenades, you know? It’s just life to her."

~ chloe grace moretz on her character hit girl from the movie kick-ass which is coming out this weekend

word of the day - apr 9 10

indefatigable
adjective
incapable of being fatigued; not readily exhausted; untiring; unwearying; not yielding to fatigue.

we're the knights of the round table
we dance when e'er we're able
we do routines and chorus scenes
with footwork im-pecc-able
we dine well here in camelot

we eat ham and jam and spam a lotwe're the knights of the round table our

shows are for-mid-able
but many time we're given rhymes
that are quite un-sing-able
we're opera mid in camelot
we sing from the di-a-phragm a lot

oh we're tough and able
quite in-de-fat-i-gable
between our quests we sequin vest
and im-per-son-ate clark gable
it's a busy life in camelot
i have to push the pram a lot

size differential

i am completely aware than men and women are shaped differently and that overall, for our species women are generally smaller than men... (NSFW warning - genitalia after the link)

however, with obesity rates climbing as fast as blood pressures, we're all going to look pretty much the same in no time - we're going to be those people-like blobs from WALL*E!

pursuant to my post from earlier this week, here is a prime example of the different between men's and women's sizing that makes me so insane:at least they offer any form of XL for the ladies...

i guess what confuses me the most is that everyone seems obsessed with women having HUGE breasts but then they go and make shirts that couldn't possibly accommodate said breasts... weird.

frightening reality...

louis: you see that old woman? that will never happen to you. you will never grow old, and you will never die.
claudia: and it means something else too, doesn't it? i shall never ever grow up.
[source]

well louis, i dunno about that. maybe you'll never grow up in spirit but i think you're doing a pretty good job at growing old...

double take

remakes - good way to gouge the public without having to come up with new ideas or scourge of the cinematic landscape? can't it be both?

fine, fine... let's go ahead and make a quick buck by remaking a moving the the average movie goer might not have seen in its original run or where the original movie was an abomination and the newer version is just slightly not as bad (hulk vs. hulk). but when we get into making remakes of movies that are less than years old, that's just ridiculous. and taking what looks like an exceptional british film and (excuse the phrasing) turning it black for sheer money making potential is beyond belief. it looks like they took the original movie, replaced all the actors** and tried to make it as shiny and outrageous as possible.

take a look at both trailers and you can make your own decision:

Death at a Funeral (2007)


Death at a Funeral (2010)


**the part in all of this that tickles my fancy the most and is perhaps the shrewdest ploy by the makers of the newer movie is that they employed peter dinklage in the exact same role!

UPDATE: ok, i've been reading one of the comment boards for the newer movie and people are all up in arms and it is HILARIOUS! but here's snippet from commenter PredaTAZ that's pretty succinct:
"Before anyone jumps on the racist band wagon, STFU, it's not racism it's realism. By putting chris rock into this film, all the studio are doing is making themselves money and publicity. That's the difference between indie and mainstream, mainstream movies can't use non entity actors because they flop. [...] This argument was never a question of race, it's just money."

well thank jesus, again!

"No Tobey Maguire In 'Spider-Man 4'"

turns out the next movie in marvel's worst carried out major movie franchise will be a prequel and not only has tobey maguire pulled out but there are no plans to include kirsten dunst either hurray! so unlike the x-men movie line shooting itself in the foot with the ghastly X3 and wolverine movies, spidey might actually be turning things around!

i don't know why the first 3 movies were these huge blockbusters... sure, i saw them when they came to video but i certainly didn't find them wildly entertaining. and neither tobey nor kirsten looked like they could act their way out of a paper bag!

so yeah, i can't wait to see what new faces they get to play the leads and if they can salvage the franchise (for me at least) by taking it in a new direction... although, a prequel of spider-man BEFORE he got his powers is going to be pretty boring if you ask me.

a who's who of young celebrities

ok, after a bit of research, this scene isn't as confusing as i once thought but it's still worth my time since lately i've been running dangerously low on content.

so you might be thinking to yourself, "neither of those people are ryan phillippe or reese witherspoon and i have no idea what abbie cornish looks like so that MIGHT be her... but what do maybe abbie cornish and channing tatum have to do with anything? are they having an affair? it that the ONLY picture of maybe abbie cornish in existence?"

all of those are perfectly valid questions. but then you realize that you have no idea what ryan phillippe in extreme profile looks like and then you start wondering if that guy in the red shirt might be him. then you're all like, "how did they make his neck look like it belongs to an octogenarian? and is abbie cornish an actress? what movie was she in with maybe 80-year-old ryan phillippe and channing tatum?" and then you take to the interwebs and find out it was a movie called stop-loss and that there are probably billions of other pictures out there from the movie that featured the scandalous couple they were talking about rather than channing tatum's pilsbury face.

no. worng. go back. un-see. delete.

i've sat idly by before as shitty remakes have been made and made but i will not stand for this! notwithstanding the fact that this abomination has already been made by virtue of it having a trailer and my irrational non-dislike for jackie chan, i am going to go ahead and give this my extreme disapproval!

liam neeson looks ridiculous in a beard

and for some reason, i can't change how wide it wants to make the movie box... at least that's how it's showing up in my browser. if you're having issues, go and take a gander over here: Clash of the Titans

the definition of sad...

i've come to the conclusion that this twilight craziness is like a really strong undertow. once you're caught, there's no getting away. some people are strong enough to fight the current and keep their heads above water... but then there are those who's grasp of reality is so weak that they get sucked right down to the very bottom and drown.

shit like this makes me want to have nothing to do with the twilight phenomenon...

similar to FML, welcome to the sad, sad world of MLIT - my life is twilight. instead of saying how much their lives suck, they squeal about how much their life is like twilight... which is essentially the same as saying how much their lives suck.

here are some examples of worst drowners who really should have ended with MLISS - my life is so sad:

"Today, I decided that it is better to be single for the rest of my life than to settle for someone who is not Edward or Jacob. I'm happy with my decision. MLIT"

"Today I was a little upset. My mom keeps telling me that Edward isn't real and it was really freaking me out. What did I do? I ran straight to my room and sat next to my card board cut out of Edward and reread my favourite parts of the books. I feel so much better now! MLIT"

"Today, My mom was talking to me about marriage and I just screamed and said "I'm not getting married to anybody thats not Edward" and then she proceed to say that he doesn't exist and all i screamed was "Yes he does". MLIT"

there are SO MANY more up there that are equally sad if not more so but i was on the verge of being physically sick with embarrassment for these people that i had to stop. but not before i came to the conclusion that boyfriends/husbands that indulge their significant others' resignation from reality should be publicly castrated...

"The other day, I was laying down with my boyfriend. He put his cold feet against me and asked if he felt like Edward. I said yes. He then put his warm hands on my face and asked if I felt like Jacob. I also said yes. I have the best of both worlds. MLIT"

"My Twilight obsession has rubbed off on my husband. After taking me to the midnight showing of New Moon, he told me that if I bought him a t-shirt with "Got Bella?" on it he'd wear it to see Eclipse in June. The next morning, he told me he had a dream that he was a vampire. He's sooo my Edward!!! MLIT"

if you're caught in the current but staying above water like myself (am i ever mortified to admit that!) just keep swimming. the tide will pass and we'll make it back to the sunny shores of reality eventually. either that or an island of the bloated corpses of those who drowned will form beneath our feet and we'll be saved!

true, so true...

get your shit together here people!
it's just a movie... they are JUST actors.
your mythical dream sexpot isn't really waiting for you in the wilderness of washington.
come back to reality!

be afraid, very afraid...

worst. movie. ever.

ok, so that might be an exageration but not by much...

i know horror movies have a well documented history of being camp-tastic but i just wasted an hour and thirty minutes of my life exploring a whole new level of campy... and valuable other lessons on thin plots, horrible acting, and "keeping you budget under control".

these lessons, and many, many more on horrible movie making can all be found in one movie! can you believe it??? the movie is drive thru and if you have 90 minutes to waste, you should watch it... just so i know you'll believe me about how dreadful it is!

wtf? WTF?!?

alright now, this is taking things to a whole new and impossible dimension of disturbing...

campy is its own language

the other day i was watching this old 80's movie on fearnet.com called salughter high. here's the summary from the site:

Remember Revenge of the Nerds? This is a lot like that. Only instead of the nerd making the cool kids look bad, he kills them. And now, nobody's laughing.

yeah, that pretty much sums it up... that and horrible acting... but i have a feeling it might not have totally been entirely the fault of the actors because i'm pretty sure none of them had english as a first language. and maybe the movie was written/produced in some odd eurpoean country but they tried to make it seem like they were american? it was kind of a little something like this:

amazon.ca shoppers are weird...

strange recommendation aside, how can most people who have purchased kung fu panda also have purchased angels and demons when it hasn't even been released yet?

PS - did you know that a kung fu panda sequel is in the works???