my dream car

Driver of Motorized Beer Cooler Charged With Drunk Driving

NOOSA, Australia -- An Australian man caught driving a motorized cooler box [...] appeared in court charged with drunk driving, The Courier Mail reported Monday.

Christopher Ian Petrie, 23, faces charges of driving under the influence and driving without a license after police caught him on the makeshift vehicle, which was powered by a 50cc engine.

[...]

Petrie's lawyers won an adjournment from magistrate John Parker as they sough to establish "whether a motorized esky [cooler box] was in fact a motor vehicle."

An amused Parker inquired with Petrie about his cooler box's performance.

"How much beer can it hold?" he asked the defendant. Petrie told the court the cooler box could hold "at least a couple of cartons."

sure to win an award for journalistic excellence

well yes, me, of course... i'm all about integrity. and plagiarism.

but this has got to at least be the headline of the year:

'Extra sugar' at Dunkin' Donuts leads to prostitution charges

ROCKAWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. -- Police say there was more on the menu than Munchkins and lattes during the late shift at a Dunkin' Donuts in northern New Jersey.

A 29-year-old female is facing prostitution charges after police say she took breaks to provide sex in exchange for money.

Rockaway Township police launched an investigation known as "extra sugar: after getting a tip about the workers activities at the shop.

Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann told The Daily Record of Parsippany he noticed that 29-year-old Melissa Redmond of Mine Hill would go out to cars and would spend 10 to 15 minutes in the vehicles.

Schwarzmann says Redmond was arrested after soliciting sex from an undercover officer.

No one at the Dunkin' Donuts wanted to comment.

more cookin' in your car

with this heatwave hopefully passing with the theatrical thunderstorms this morning, sticky, sweaty people and thirsty plants are breathing a sigh of relief. the heat has insiped people (particularly news-type people looking for a way to report on the weather other than saying "boy, is it ever hot!") to come up with some interesting culinary car creations. the other day we had a guy semi-successfully cook a roast & veggies in his car and now we've got this lady baking cookies!

Why does my car smell like cookies?

have you accepted jesus christ fettuccine as your personal saviour?

Austrian driver allowed 'pastafarian' headgear in photo
An Austrian atheist has won the right to be shown on his driving-licence photo wearing a pasta strainer as "religious headgear"

right off the bat, i am unsure how one can be an atheist AND a pastafarian... atheism is the rejection of belief in higher beings and pastafarians "believe in" the flying spaghetti monster. so which is it, mr. alm???

the part that tickles my fancy the most is where the authorities required him to get an official not from a doctor to say he was "psychologically fit" to drive. isn't that religious discrimination or something?

how is believing in a flying spaghetti monster any different from believing in virgin births, ghosts, or elephant-headed deities. i'm pretty sure no one wearing a yarmulke, hijab, or a nun's habit was ever required to take a mental fitness test in order to get their licence.

if a pastafarian is required to be deemed "psychologically fit" to drive then i think there should be a standardized mental test for all religious believers.

it's like an oven out there!

Thestar.com - VideoZone - Car-cooked roast taste test

shake, rattle and demolish

Tae Bo workout sent skyscraper shaking

Seventeen people performing a vigorous Tae Bo workout caused tremors that forced the evacuation of a South Korean skyscraper earlier this month, the building's owners say.

"It just happened to be that the vibration cycle caused by Tae Bo collided with the vertical vibration cycle unique to the building." [...] The action amplified the building's vibration and caused the shaking.

mmm i love turtles!

Turtles on the tarmac! Flights delayed at Kennedy airport

NEW YORK—About 150 turtles crawled onto the tarmac at New York’s Kennedy airport Wednesday in search of beaches to lay their eggs, delaying dozens of flights, aviation authorities said.

The slow-motion stampede began about 6:45 a.m., and within three hours there were so many turtles on Runway 4L and nearby taxiways that controllers were forced to move departing flights to another runway.

getting drunk, martha stewart style

Germantown woman charged in vanilla DUI case

An officer noticed partially empty bottles of vanilla extract, labeled as 35 percent alcohol by volume, and Diet Coke in the front seat, and they said they smelled a strong vanilla odor on the woman's breath. A grocery receipt found in the vehicle listed two 8-once bottles of vanilla extract, purchased Wednesday.

also, isn't her mug shot just one of the greatest things ever?

hey, if they put poker on ESPN, ANYTHING can be called a sport

Controversy erupts at annual hotdog eating championship

The 32-year-old Kobayashi did not eat this ear because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating -- the fast food equivalent of the NFL. On his Japanese-language blog, he said he wanted to be free to compete in contests sanctioned by other groups.

major league eating?
seriously?
they have their own professional association?
yes, yes they do.
http://www.ifoce.com/index.php
AND they're humourously sponsored by pepto-bismol!

anyway, this kobayashi guy ("the tsunami") is the japanese champion and he didn't compete this year's coney island contest but he was in the crowd... after joey "jaws" chestnut won the competition by cramming down 54 hotdogs in 10 minutes, kobayashi slipped past security and onto the stage. security attempted to remove him but he was in a "hell no, i won't go" kind of mood and that landed him in jail being charged with resisting arrest, trespass and obstructing governmental administration.

anyway you look at it, it is definitely more exciting than golf.

employee of the month

Woman set office fire to go home early

NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla., June 24 (UPI) -- A Florida woman accused of starting an office fire to get sent home early with pay pleaded guilty to criminal mischief.

The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Michelle Perrino, 40, drew suspicion during a meeting of Bayonet Point Oxygen employees when she mentioned the May 12, 2009, fire had started in a filing cabinet before workers had been informed of the fire's origins, the St. Petersburg Times reported Thursday.

Investigators said a friend of Perrino told them she had admitted to tripping the main circuit breaker and adjusting phones to block incoming calls in bids to go home early without sacrificing the day's pay.

Perrino was sentenced to 9 months imprisonment followed by 5 years of probation. She was also ordered to pay Bayonet Point Oxygen $4,800 in restitution and banned from contacting the company or its employees.

belarus: full of elderly prudes?

ok, so that sounds overly inflammatory i suppose... but that's just what this story makes me think. i know people have different ideas in different parts of the world and north america IS just a giant cesspool of filth and immorality... being a "liberal young person," this kind of thing just brings out the shit-disturbing activist in me.

Belarus officials fear promotion of gay lifestyle at Elton John gig 

Officials in Belarus have asked the organizers of an upcoming Elton John concert in Minsk to prevent the promotion of homosexuality.

The Public Council for Morality is to study recordings of earlier performances by the British singer to make sure “they have no elements inconsistent with the law and morality,” the head of the organization said.

“We have requested the organizers of the concert to give us records of Elton John’s earlier performances,” he said.

[what? they don't have youtube?] 

Nikolai Cherginets said the Council is particularly concerned over the openly gay singer’s statement in an interview with a U.S. magazine that Jesus was a "super-intelligent gay man."

[ok, that might be poking the bear *snicker* a little much for the churchies, elton...] 

Elton John will play at the Minsk Arena on June 26 as part of his European summer tour.

Sexual minorities have become active in the country of late and “even attempted to hold a gay parade in Minsk,” Cherginets said. The attempted parade was broken up by police.

Cherginets said the Council had already prevented outbreaks of “immorality” during a May concert by German industrial metal band Rammstein in the Belarusian capital.

“If we had not interfered, there would have been sex on stage and the relief of physical needs right in front of the audience,” the official said.

[heavens! not the relief of physical needs!] 

The Public Council for Morality was established in 2009 by the Belarusian Orthodox Church and the Writers Union of Belarus, with the support of President Alexander Lukashenko.

stranger things...

"stranger things have happened" is how the saying goes... THIS might be one of those stranger things that they're referring to.

 German student attacks Hell's Angels with puppy

(Reuters) - A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hell's Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer.

German police said on Monday that after making his getaway from the Hell's Angels club, the 26-year-old dumped the bulldozer, causing a 5 km (3 miles) traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen, local police said. He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," said a spokesman for local police, adding that the student had lately been suffering from depression.

The puppy was now in safe hands, the spokesman added.

the promiscuity of youth these days

she made him an offer he couldn't refuse? 

Man claims cow seduced him for sex

An 18-year-old Indonesian man says he was seduced by a cow, and that's why he was having sex with it.

A neighbour caught Gusti Ngurah Alit allegedly wooing the farm animal on Sunday, the village chief on the resort island of Bali said, the Times newspaper in Johannesburg, South Africa reported Friday.

"He was caught by one of the residents standing naked while holding the back of the cow," village chief Embang Ida Bagus Legawa said in the newspaper.

Alit said he didn't see an animal, he saw a beautiful young woman.

"She called my name and seduced me, so I had sex with her," the man told the newspaper.

Alit underwent a cleansing ritual. The village chief gave the owner of the cow the equivalent of $562.

The cow was reportedly drowned in the sea to rid the village of bad luck.

embarrassed to be bare assed

Man stuck in river 'too embarrassed to call for help'
A man who got stuck in river mud was so embarrassed that he didn't call for help for four hours - even though he had a mobile phone.

Xiao Chen got into difficulties when he decided to go for a swim in the Chang Jiang River late at night. The 25-year-old approached what he believed was the edge of the river, only to find that he was sinking up to his waist in silt.

Even though he had a mobile phone on him, Xiao was so embarrassed by his predicament that didn't call for help for four hours, before finally giving up on his attempts to free himself and asking two passing fishermen for help.

It then took emergency services a further seven hours to actually get him free.

Their task was made more difficult due to further embarrassment on Xiao's part - despite the fact that a crew of firemen all stripped down to their underwear to help in the rescue, he refused to undo his own trousers so that he could be more easily pulled free from the mud.

what WOULD you do for a klondike bar?

from a REAL durham regional police neighbourhood watch release: 

Two suspects were quickly apprehended by responding officers after stealing ice cream products and threatening employees with weapons.

On Wednesday April 28, 2010 at approximately 11:05 p.m. uniformed patrol officers responded to the vicinity of a Sobey's grocery store at 1899 Brock Road in Pickering following a robbery incident. Employees observed two male suspects enter the store and begin stealing ice-cram products from the frozen section, placing numerous items into their backpack before fleeing the premises. The employees followed the suspects to the store exit and indicated they were calling police. One suspect produced a knife and threatened one of the employees and indicated he had a handgun before fleeing. None of the store employees were physically injured.

The suspects fled on foot into a residential neighbourhood where responding officers located the youths and arrested both, without incident. A quantity of ice cream treats were recovered from a backpack. Officers also recovered a knife and a pellet gun.

The first 17-year-old male from Pickering is charged with: Robbery and Breach Probation. The second 17-year-old male from Pickering is charged with: Robbery; Carry Concealed Weapon x2; Assault with a Weapon; Possession of Weapon for Dangerous Purpose; Fail to Comply and additional weapons-related offences. Their identities are protected under the Youth Criminal Justice Act.

the greatest detectives in the world

move over batman, you ain't got nothing on these winona, minnesota coppers...

Police: Vomiting dog causes man to crash into pole

The man told police he was driving when his dog started "throwing up all over him." Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams said the story checked out—police found vomit in the car.

blood, frogs, lice, flies, livestock death, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, boobs

"Women who do not dress modestly...lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases (consequently) earthquakes."

~ senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi

Women strut their stuff for Boobquake
Women flaunt their breasts in protest

and guess what? 
nothing happened!

According to the United States Geological Survey website there were 45 earthquakes worldwide as of Monday evening, including a 6.5-magnitude earthquake southeast of Taiwan and a 5.4 near the South Sandwich Islands region. In fact, over the last six days the number of earthquakes has ranged from 41 to 48.

model citizen

who hasn't done this before?
anyone who says they haven't is a dirty, rotten liar.

Man charged after mailing in stained parking ticket 

A man who received a parking ticket in Bartlett now faces criminal charges after authorities said he stained the citation with human excrement before mailing it back to the village.

Officials said Alexander J. Bailey, 22, of the 6N600 block of Medinah Road in Medinah, was arrested last week charged with disorderly conduct after a village hall employee found brown stains and a foul odor on the ticket and alerted police, authorities said. The original ticket was for $15, Bartlett police said.

Bailey also scrawled a note on the ticket indicating he'd used it to wipe himself, court documents said.

Bailey posted $500 bail and is due back in Cook County Circuit Court on June 11.

cruel and unusual punishment

quick, name 3 legal offenses that you think might get you sentenced to a year in jail...

...

...

...

got 'em?
what do you mean 'no'?
ok, i'll wait...

...

...

...

alright, did any of your ideas include 'flag desecration'?
i'm going to go ahead and say no.
but it can TOTALLY get your ass thrown in jail. well, at least in the US where i think some people have more love and respect for the flag better than their own mothers!

Olympic flag flap may land Canadians in U.S. court

LA QUINTA, CALIF.— Police in California say two Canadians who took down an American flag and replaced it with a Canadian following Sidney Crosby’s golden goal at the Olympics could face charges of vandalism and flag desecration.

Police in La Quinta, Calif., have identified the two suspects as Ryan Smith, 25, of Bermuda Dunes, Calif., and 26-year-old Matt Siefert of Palm Desert, Calif., both Canadian citizens.

The La Quinta Police Department has submitted a complaint to the district attorney’s office requesting state misdemeanour charges of vandalism and flag desecration for both Smith and Siefert, police said in a news release Monday.

Local media have reported that the incident happened during the evening of Feb. 28, 2010, following Canada’s victory in the men’s hockey final against the United States.

The U.S. flag, which had been displayed on a mountain top and maintained by a private citizen “in honour of the September 11, 2001 victims”, was replaced by a Canadian flag, police said. The American flag was found damaged.

If convicted, the men could face up to a year in jail.

idiot of the week

not to be confused with the darwin award candidate from yesterday, this guy doesn't necessarily deserve to be removed from the gene pool; this guy is just a idiot. but to his credit, he IS a pretty clever guy for being such a dumbass...

Burglary suspect got stuck in air duct

A would-be burglar was caught early Wednesday after he got stuck in the ventilation system of a Maryland convenience store, police said. 

Shane Morgan Hall, 21, of the first block of Mahogany Drive in North East, Md., told Cecil County sheriff's deputies he was playing hide and seek. 

Hall was arrested at 7:14 a.m. when deputies and firefighters answered a call about a man stuck in the ventilation system at the BP Station in the 2300 block of W. Pulaski Highway. 

Lt. Bernard Chiominto said when the owner arrived to open the store, he spotted a pair of feet dangling from the the duct. 

Deputies said Hall had removed the ventilation cover, crawled through the vent, got stuck and set off a fire extinguisher that sprayed powder all over the store, Chiominto said. 

Deputies freed Hall and took him to Union Hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries.

Hall, who allegedly gave police two false names, was charged with two counts of submitting false information to a police officer, and one count each of second- and fourth-degree burglary and malicious destruction of property. 

He also was wanted for failing to appear for a drug count. 

Hall told deputies he was playing hide and seek on the roof with some other adults and decided to hide in the ventilation system. 

When no one guessed where he was, the other players gave up looking, Hall told police.

Hall was being held in the Cecil County jail on $30,000 bail.