surely, the world is coming to an end

"Gary Busey Welcomes Baby Boy"

i suppose the biggest horror in this whole situation is that someone would actually have... relations with gary busey! or as i like to call him, 'CRAZY gary busey'! he is, putting it gently, frightening.

and this isn't even the first time that relations have been had with CRAZY gary busey! he has two other children! in fact, gary's 38-year-old son "was the first to arrive at the hospital to welcome his little brother." if you have a 38-year-old son, you might be a redneck to old to be having MORE children... luckily, CRAZY gary busey's current girlfriend doesn't have a 38-year-old son... but that's because SHE'S ONLY 35!

~shudder~

so folks, gather your loved ones and make amends to whatever god you see fit because the end of the world is nigh.

word of the day - feb 23 10

vivify
transitive verb
1. to endue with life; to make alive; to animate.
2. to make more lively or intense.

aaannnd... they panicked!

so as the white death brought its hand down upon us yesterday, people apparently stopped reading my previous post as soon as i said the word panic. then i can only assume they did the most logical thing: stopped reading and tossed their computer out the nearest window and took to their cars with the intent of finding a parking space on the highway.

it took me THREE HOURS to travel roughly 60km... and there weren't even any crashes! it was just people losing their shit because they forgot what winter was.
YOU LIVE IN SOUTHERN ONTARIO!
YOU'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE!
DEAL WITH IT!

word of the day - feb 22 10

boffin
noun [British slang]
a scientist or technical expert.

more cushion for the pushin'

"Fat birds get laid sooner, have more one-night stands"
German profs stick tracker bugs to subjects' bottoms

German boffins have carried out a groundbreaking study into the habits of fat birds as compared to thin ones. They say that the plumper subjects in their sample had more one-night stands than the slim ones, and that the chubbies in general achieved sexual congress sooner than their lightweight counterparts.

According to a statement issued by the Max Planck Institutes:

While pockets of flab accumulated over the winter months may be a source of frustration for some, it can be a cause of joy for others...

The researchers fitted ten fat birds and ten lean birds on the Italian island of Ventotene with temporary adhesive radio transmitters.

Monitoring their test subjects using the stick-on surveillance bugs, the German boffins found that the more rotund ones had sex sooner and generally slept only one night in any given location. Plumpness led to sexual success for the wobblebottomed group, while their spindly counterparts took longer to get any action - and tended to make longer stays of more than one night, too.

"We assume that the majority of the birds arrived on the island the morning we caught them," says Wolfgang Goymann of the Max Planck Gesellschaft.

[Read more]

the white death cometh

starting this afternoon, the weather-type people are saying that the flakes are going to start flying and they won't stop until week's end! it's like the second coming for sures! 40 days and 40 night of rain ain't got nothing on this! i suggest stocking up on your supplies and to begin panicking immediately.

they are calling for, hold on to your hats folks, a whopping 10 CENTIMETRES! good sweet mike that's...
wait...
what?
how much?
only 10, eh?
well that doesn't seem so bad... we DO live in southern ontario and it IS only february... it's not like it's august in texas! i think we can handle this. that being said, i am going to attempt to leave a wee bit early today...

word of the day - feb 19 10

cupidity
noun
eager or excessive desire, especially for wealth; greed; avarice.

objet d'art

care to guess what project put business depot sales through the roof??

no good at guessing?
well, if you're going to be lazy and not even try to guess, i suppose you can go ahead and click here.

word of the day - feb 18 10

hypnagogic
adjective
of, pertaining to, or occurring in the state of drowsiness preceding sleep.

the art of gourmet

had a big hearty breakfast this morning?

yea? oh well, that's too bad for you i guess... hopefully it was delicious and you won't mind tasting it again when it inevitably comes back up.

fresh from the pages of hamilton beach's 1965 cookbook entitled "The Blender Way to Better Cooking" i present to you the scrumptious sounding (and even better looking) JELLIED CHICKEN!

mmm... so appetizing!

wouldn't your family be so excited when you placed this on the table at dinner time?

forget chicken tacos... there is no better way to spice up chicken thursday than with JELLIED CHICKEN!

but wait!
there's more...
"20 Unholy Recipes: Dishes So Awful We Had to Make Them"

word of the day - feb 16 10

feckless
adjective
1. ineffective; incompetent; futile: feckless attempts to repair the plumbing.
2. having no sense of responsibility; indifferent; lazy.

a douche bag romance for the ages

in a pairing that just might be too douche-y for the universe to handle without shattering into a million tiny ed hardy emblazoned pieces, it is being reported that "singer" avril lavigne and waste-of-space reality tv personality brody jenner are (ugh) "hooking up"...i just thought i'd share that little tidbit with you this morning to bring you hurtling back to the harshness of reality after what was probably a very pleasant long weekend. cheers!

sounds fantastic!

but i still think that designing the future will require engineers to figure out the duration of a month... apparently, this 'month-long' celebration only lasts nine days. i'm sure it's a rounding error or something.

National Engineering Month in Ontario 2010

playing god

here's an A-HA! for evolutionists and creationists alike!

"Professor: We have a 'moral obligation' to seed universe with life"
According to Michael Mautner, Research Professor of Chemistry at Virginia Commonwealth University, seeding the universe with life is not just an option, it’s our moral obligation. As members of this planet’s menagerie, and a consequence of nearly 4 billion years of evolution, humans have a purpose to propagate life. After all, whatever else life is, it necessarily possesses an incessant drive for self-perpetuation. And the idea isn’t just fantasy: Mautner says that “directed panspermia” missions can be accomplished with present technology.

so could our life here on earth be the 'moral obligation' of an ancient deceased planet hundreds or thousands of light-years away? could it be that we're not the warm little center of the universe we pompously thought we were?

personally i think, despite everything humans have accomplished, we (the human race) effed up royally here and if it all ends here then the universe it better for it. propagate the life of animals, plants, bacteria, whatever... just don't send human DNA out there to do damage to countless other planets!

word of the day - feb 10 10

tarradiddle
noun
1. a petty falsehood; a fib.
2. pretentious nonsense.

the irony: it hurts so good!

"Emotional Adam Giambrone admits to multiple affairs"
Candidate apologizes for 'worst mistake of my life'

IDOIT!
toronto mayoral candidate, city councillor, TTC chair, AND tiger woods wannabe! as if this guy couldn't be in any more hot water what with the TTC going to pot...

those problems on the TTC could be eased with a little more income from advertisers... and those same advertisers who also were trying to bring tiger on board, we're also plying their case to put adds on TTC vehicles not too long ago... and now they figure it's the perfect time to try again!

"Ashley Madison may take another go at TTC"
TORONTO -- Forget Tiger Woods. Adam Giambrone could be the next poster boy for Ashley Madison.

Ashley Madison, the website designed to hook up attached clients with people outside their relationships, may again table its “Life is Short. Have an Affair” ad to the TTC in light of the Giambrone sex scandal.

“I just find it really ironic that only a few months ago, there was this huge uproar over the notion of us trying to assist the TTC and riders with extra revenue and now the TTC is in a big mess,” Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman said Tuesday.

oopsie!

one of these things is not like the others
one of these things just doesn't belong
can you tell which thing is not like the others
before i finish my song...well, did you guess?
if you couldn't, don't feel too bad.
a polish photo editor couldn't either!
and it went to print!
either someone is oblivious as hell maybe someone was trying to get his ass fired...

"Internet sensation Pedobear appears in Polish newspaper to promote Winter Olympics"

word of the day - feb 9 10

flagitious
adjective
1. disgracefully or shamefully criminal; grossly wicked; scandalous; -- said of acts, crimes, etc.
2. guilty of enormous crimes; corrupt; profligate; -- said of persons.
3. characterized by enormous crimes or scandalous vices; as, "flagitious times."

word of the day - feb 8 10

evince
transitive verb
to show in a clear manner; to manifest; to make evident; to bring to light.

going overboard

"Two-inch LEGO gun get 4th-grader in trouble"
Parents left fuming after principal threatens the boy with suspension

A tiny toy led to big trouble for one fourth-grade New York City boy.

Patrick Timoney, a 9-year-old student at PS 52 in Staten Island, N.Y., was in the school cafeteria Tuesday playing with LEGOs when he was taken to the principal's office and threatened with suspension. One of his toys was a LEGO policeman that holds a 2-inch plastic gun. The school has a no-tolerance policy when it comes to toy guns.

ok, i see the necessity of having a no guns (toy or otherwise) policy in a school but this is a little absurd. there has to be a line drawn somewhere... if it were a full-sized gun that might be accidentally identified as a real weapon, that's where the concern is. a solid piece of plastic no bigger than a child's finger doesn't bother me as much.

as a side note, my love of LEGO might have me on a bit of i biased tack here... but if other people weren't as laughably concerned as me, this wouldn't even be news.

stranger things...

never mind wearing it in public where people (with eyes!) can actually see you and photograph you, what would convince someone to 'design' and create a knitted striped one-piece?the birthing of twins aside, the woman under that monstrosity has a world-famous body! and she covers it with THAT to celebrate her husband's birthday? there must be something in the water...

and i'm so distraught over the jumpsuit that i'm not even going to get into the hair and hideous handbag...

what. the. eff.

as if monday morning wasn't enough for your brain to handle, here's something that'll totally mess you up for the rest of the week!
enjoy the nightmares.

word of the day - feb 5 10

prevaricate
intransitive verb
to depart from or evade the truth; to speak with equivocation.

THIS is why marriage is officially dead

"Experts stunned by swan 'divorce' at Slimbridge wetland"
Experts have told of their surprise after witnessing a rare "divorce" between a pair of swans at a Gloucestershire wildfowl sanctuary.

if swans can't even make it work, what hope is there for us?? there's always some younger, hotter, tail feather out there... tempting us!

First suspicions of the rare event were raised when male swan Sarindi turned up in the annual migration from Arctic Russia without his partner of two years Saruni and with a new female - newly-named Sarind - in tow.

The pair's arrival led conservationists to fear the worst for Saruni. But shortly afterwards Saruni arrived at the wetlands site - also with a new mate, Surune.

you think you've got a lot going on???

word of the day - feb 2 10

alacrity
noun
a cheerful or eager readiness or willingness, often manifested by brisk, lively action or promptness in response.

double take

remakes - good way to gouge the public without having to come up with new ideas or scourge of the cinematic landscape? can't it be both?

fine, fine... let's go ahead and make a quick buck by remaking a moving the the average movie goer might not have seen in its original run or where the original movie was an abomination and the newer version is just slightly not as bad (hulk vs. hulk). but when we get into making remakes of movies that are less than years old, that's just ridiculous. and taking what looks like an exceptional british film and (excuse the phrasing) turning it black for sheer money making potential is beyond belief. it looks like they took the original movie, replaced all the actors** and tried to make it as shiny and outrageous as possible.

take a look at both trailers and you can make your own decision:

Death at a Funeral (2007)


Death at a Funeral (2010)


**the part in all of this that tickles my fancy the most and is perhaps the shrewdest ploy by the makers of the newer movie is that they employed peter dinklage in the exact same role!

UPDATE: ok, i've been reading one of the comment boards for the newer movie and people are all up in arms and it is HILARIOUS! but here's snippet from commenter PredaTAZ that's pretty succinct:
"Before anyone jumps on the racist band wagon, STFU, it's not racism it's realism. By putting chris rock into this film, all the studio are doing is making themselves money and publicity. That's the difference between indie and mainstream, mainstream movies can't use non entity actors because they flop. [...] This argument was never a question of race, it's just money."

world's worst weather predictor predicts more winter

shubenacadie sam, punxsutawney phil, and ontario's own wiarton willie are all predicting 6 more weeks of winter.

in the ceremony where the chubby critters unceremoniously (HA! see what i did there? unceremoniously in a ceremony! oh come on... work with me here!) dragged from their burrows, all 3 of the famous groundhogs saw their shadows indicating that was should hunker down and prepare for another 6 weeks of winter.

but if you preemptively got out your shorts and tank tops hoping for an early spring, don't be too hasty in putting them away... a study by the US national climatic data center says that between 1988 and 2002 punxsutawney phil saw his shadow ten times... but seven of those years featured above average temperatures for february and march.

thinking things through logically, it IS only the second day of february... groundhog prediction aside, we are already guaranteed AT LEAST 4 more weeks of winter. that extra two weeks isn't that unbearable considering that we've had major snowfalls into april in the past. besides, who in canada is fool enough to be thinking spring is just around the corner in february?