word of the day - dec 23 09

clinquant
adjective

1. glittering with gold or silver; tinseled.
2. tinsel; imitation gold leaf.

no. worng. go back. un-see. delete.

i've sat idly by before as shitty remakes have been made and made but i will not stand for this! notwithstanding the fact that this abomination has already been made by virtue of it having a trailer and my irrational non-dislike for jackie chan, i am going to go ahead and give this my extreme disapproval!

unlikely headline of the day: snoop dogg and martha make brownies

i guess martha learned a lil something special from her time in the slammer... i wonder what else she and snoop have in common???

i knew it!

word of the day - dec 18 09

truckle
intransitive verb
1. to yield or bend obsequiously to the will of another; to act in a subservient manner.
2. a small wheel or roller; a caster.

bonus word of the day
obsequious
adjective
1. characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning: an obsequious bow.
2. servilely compliant or deferential: obsequious servants.
3. obedient; dutiful.

bonus BONUS word of the day
complaisant
adjective
inclined or disposed to please; obliging; agreeable or gracious; compliant: the most complaisant child i've ever met.

don't skimp on your toiletries

so in case you've got a special woman in your life that you need last minute gift ideas for AND you have more money than brains, here's a special little stocking stuffer from sephora for you:nothing quite says, "this christmas, that uni-brow has got to go!" like ridiculously expensive tweezers! and hey, what girl doesn't want blinged out tweezers? what's that you say? no girl? ok then i guess a more pertinent question would be: what girl does want blinged out tweezers? obviously one with less brains than you and your undeserved amounts of money.

liam neeson looks ridiculous in a beard

and for some reason, i can't change how wide it wants to make the movie box... at least that's how it's showing up in my browser. if you're having issues, go and take a gander over here: Clash of the Titans

word of the day - dec 16 09

affable
adjective
1. easy to speak to; receiving others kindly and conversing with them in a free and friendly manner.
2. gracious; benign.

word of the day - dec 15 09

recalcitrant
adjective
stubbornly resistant to and defiant of authority or restraint.

it's beginning to look at lot like chirstmas depressing...

what is with all the dismal weather?
it's not very cheery at all...
it's hard enough to go along with all the holiday season joy and crap without the weather putting an added downer on everything. grey skies, rain... it's like the longest, dreariest autumn you could have ever imagined.
here's me hoping for enough snow over an evening to close the city the next day and sparkly sunshine on that free vacation day! that would really get me ready for the big day... which, in case you haven't been watching your calendars with dread, is only 10 DAYS AWAY!

beer: the drink of intellectuals

buffalo theory
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that [...] is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

everything's better when it is MEGA sized!

now if one were to make a plan for ensuring coronary heart failure by the age of 8-and-a-half, i would recommend eating at least one of these every day:now you're probably thinking that you're not 8-and-a-half anymore and you'd like to get your coronary heart failure plan back on track as soon as possible. so here's the recipe for your daily scotch MEGAegg:
20 hard-boiled eggs wrapped in bacon and covered in sausage meat and breading, baked whole.

bah dah bup bup bah... i'm lovin' it!

science up your breakfast

because we can all agree that breakfast is the most boring meal of the day (unfertilized chicken butt orbs? sounds yummy...) here's a way to simultaneously make things a little more interesting and possibly disrupt the time-space continuum using math:

"Scientific!: How To Cut A Mobius Strip Bagel"

word of the day - dec 9 09

fatuous
adjective
1. inanely foolish and unintelligent; stupid.
2. illusory; delusive.

as in, it was fatuous to drive through snowmaggedon to come and twiddle my thumbs at work all day.

cow lick: no longer just a hair styling oddity

"Cows lick, damage man's house"
Home's tastiness a mystery

ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - A man's homeowners insurance apparently doesn't cover "acts of cow."

Jerry Lynn Davis called the Hawkins County Sheriff's office in Tennessee on Thursday, complaining that a neighbour's cows had been licking his house. In the process, Davis says the curious bovines did about $100 in damage by ripping off a screen window, cracking the glass and pulling down a gutter.

The Kingsport Times-News reports that Davis' home is next to a fence enclosing the cows' pasture. They managed to poke their heads through to lick the house, though a deputy's report did not indicate what made the house so tasty.

Deputy Chris Funk was able to contact the cows' owner, who said he'd take care of the problem.

understatement of the winter season

hampers the commute, does it?
how about effs it up beyond imagination?
yeah, that sound a little better.
and i don't know what city these newsy-type people were watching but it certain wasn't the GTA because there was definitely no 'lack of snow'... and the worst part is that WE KNEW IT WAS COMING! the weather people have been warning us about the first snowmageddon of the season since the weekend. 2 days of advanced warning and still no one was prepared!
eff that noise.
eff.
that.
noise.

word of the day - dec 7 09

nonplus
transitive verb
to cause to be at a loss as to what to think, say, or do; to confound; to perplex; to bewilder.

helpful testing advice

for more on google wave, go here: http://wave.google.com/help/wave/about.html

priority seating

similar to this piece of internet flotsam, this is an actual picture from the weezer concert on saturday night in toronto before all the unpleasant bus crashing:an actual text from the cute girl (hi sis! don't smite me from afar for posting a picture of you on the internets!) in the plaid shirt:

"His bum is definitely on part ofwmy seat"

word of the day - dec 4 09

gallimaufry
noun
a hodgepodge; jumble; confused medley.

word of the day - dec 3 09

affable
adjective
1. easy to speak to; receiving others kindly and conversing with them in a free and friendly manner.
2. gracious; benign.

ooo, piece of candy! ooo, piece of candy!

because i own a vast collection of purses/handbags, i try to work a rotation that allows me to use them all. this week i changed purses to my big red betseyville. while searching out my lip balm, i happened upon a half dozen loose gobstoppers... now the question is, do i eat them??

the definition of sad...

i've come to the conclusion that this twilight craziness is like a really strong undertow. once you're caught, there's no getting away. some people are strong enough to fight the current and keep their heads above water... but then there are those who's grasp of reality is so weak that they get sucked right down to the very bottom and drown.

shit like this makes me want to have nothing to do with the twilight phenomenon...

similar to FML, welcome to the sad, sad world of MLIT - my life is twilight. instead of saying how much their lives suck, they squeal about how much their life is like twilight... which is essentially the same as saying how much their lives suck.

here are some examples of worst drowners who really should have ended with MLISS - my life is so sad:

"Today, I decided that it is better to be single for the rest of my life than to settle for someone who is not Edward or Jacob. I'm happy with my decision. MLIT"

"Today I was a little upset. My mom keeps telling me that Edward isn't real and it was really freaking me out. What did I do? I ran straight to my room and sat next to my card board cut out of Edward and reread my favourite parts of the books. I feel so much better now! MLIT"

"Today, My mom was talking to me about marriage and I just screamed and said "I'm not getting married to anybody thats not Edward" and then she proceed to say that he doesn't exist and all i screamed was "Yes he does". MLIT"

there are SO MANY more up there that are equally sad if not more so but i was on the verge of being physically sick with embarrassment for these people that i had to stop. but not before i came to the conclusion that boyfriends/husbands that indulge their significant others' resignation from reality should be publicly castrated...

"The other day, I was laying down with my boyfriend. He put his cold feet against me and asked if he felt like Edward. I said yes. He then put his warm hands on my face and asked if I felt like Jacob. I also said yes. I have the best of both worlds. MLIT"

"My Twilight obsession has rubbed off on my husband. After taking me to the midnight showing of New Moon, he told me that if I bought him a t-shirt with "Got Bella?" on it he'd wear it to see Eclipse in June. The next morning, he told me he had a dream that he was a vampire. He's sooo my Edward!!! MLIT"

if you're caught in the current but staying above water like myself (am i ever mortified to admit that!) just keep swimming. the tide will pass and we'll make it back to the sunny shores of reality eventually. either that or an island of the bloated corpses of those who drowned will form beneath our feet and we'll be saved!

word of the day - dec 1 09

moiety
noun
1. one of two equal parts; a half.
2. an indefinite partl a small portion or share.
3. one of two basic tribal subdivisions.

rock-bottom pricing

an e-mail conversation for your enjoyment:

"We also had dinner [at Ikea]. I slipped on butter that was smeared all over the floor and sent the tray with mine and Alyssa’s dinner flying. I’m going to have a huge bruise on my knee! Alyssa was having the $1.99 penne but when we went to get our meals replaced they were out of pasta so she ended up getting salmon instead… With no extra cost! So I guess losing some of my dignity was worth cheap salmon."

"lol at least you're okay, sorry i missed it.
how is dinner there, i've only ever been for breakfast..."

"The day's last penne was dry and chewy. Alyssa's salmon was well done. Much better than the penne, and worth considering even thought it costs $3.50 more."

"There you go everyone, my dignity costs $3.50!"

"Correction: $5 (the salmon is quite expensive for Ikea)"

word of the day - nov 30 09

obfuscate
transitive verb
1. to darken or render indistinct or dim.
2. to make obscure or difficult to understand or make sense of.
3. to confuse or bewilder.

true, so true...

get your shit together here people!
it's just a movie... they are JUST actors.
your mythical dream sexpot isn't really waiting for you in the wilderness of washington.
come back to reality!

altered perception of reality

"I haven't had longer than a couple of months off ever in my life, since I was 15."
~ Beyonce on making sacrifices for her career

when was the last time any of us lowly non-celebrities got to take a whole month off?? i can't barely put together a long weekend! i only get 2 weeks of vacation a year and she's complaining that she cant take a couple of months for herself?? getting your hair done and sailing on yachts for your career must be SOOO hard. me, i just drag my ass into an office where i can't see the outdoors day after day while trying to scrape together enough credit to put a down payment on a car/house... that's nothing!

word of the day - nov 27 09

billingsgate
noun
coarsely abusive, foul, or profane language.

hulk smash!

so i was fishing around for something in my purse this morning and got super frustrated that i couldn't find it... to the point that i just up ended my purse onto the floor, where it will likely remain until it has learned its lesson or the end of the day, whichever comes first.

in the interest of making the most out of every situation, we'll make a game out of it! how many items can you identify???

consider yourself warned

URS, you just made my list.

apparently "one of the largest engineering design services firms worldwide" is doing this little intersection reconstruction job up in markham at the corner of hwy. 7 and ninth line... now normally, something like this wouldn't concern me whatsoever but it's right smack in the middle of my daily commute.

fortune magazine's #4 engineering and construction firm (according the the URS site) can't even handle a little paving.

first, they've been at this job at least since the beginning of the summer... first they tore up all the road approaching the intersection and restored them. but then they proceeded to tear up half of that when they went to do the intersection and even more for the new turning lanes. idiots.

secondly, their site maintenance is atrocious. their traffic control measures are all over the place and obviously not checked daily. also, there is dirt and dust from the construction areas spilling out all over the road.

third, time is obviously a factor in this construction and the mild weather lately has been saving their ass in terms of productivity. if the snow had settled in like it usually does around this time of year, they would have to shut down for the season, leaving the piss-poor condition for drivers to navigate throughout the winter. anyway, they are ALWAYS working out there... through BOTH rush hours. it's not the 401 but hwy. 7 is a major commuting connection is markham from the east. and they SHOULD know the traffic volumes in the area because there was traffic counting equipment on the road in the spring before construction started. MOST road jobs have a specification that prevents the contractor from doing major works during peak times... apparently the people using the road come in a distant second here.

the straw that broke the camel's back came last night... my commute time was doubled due to the fact that THEY WERE PAVING THE INTERSECTION AT 5PM! who does that? they were in there blocking live lanes of traffic, crawling along with the paver! i couldn't believe it.

additionally, they had condensed traffic in every direction to one lane only. that's only one lane for everyone making left and right turns and going through. the left hand turners particularly fuck things up because if they can't go then no one behind them can go either. there would be lights where only 1 or 2 cars got through. and usually when it was clear of other cars to turn left, the paver would be right in the way prevent progress.

THEN, their signage was all fucked up too... back of the intersection, they had posted a sign showing that the right lane was ending. so everyone, except those ass-wads who think they're better than everyone else and go jetting up the ending lane and then tuck their car in at the last second in a space much too small, is getting into the right lane... but then as you actually get to the intersection, it's the left lane that's closed. so now EVERYONE needs to get back over and the ass-wads, because everyone is SO beneath them, aren't letting anyone in!

and more yet! this was only the base coat!
final paving still needs to be done!
i would say that i can't wait to see how they can fuck it up further but i think i will be finding an alternative (but likely slower and less direct) route home to avoid having a blood vessel burst in my brain.

quality journalism

whoever was responsible for letting this piece of garbage go to print for a national news source should be fired immediately, donald trump style!

YOU'RE FIRED!

"Reality 'Princess' says she was conned"
Toronto woman never received promised $5,000

i'm not even going to bother putting a snippet of the story because, while i excel at mindless drivel, this is just too much awful for this blog to handle. it's a sob story about some spoiled brat (and her equally whiny mother) told (poorly) in the fashion of a fairy tale. if suggest reading it if only to make you feel better about the quality of your own written work.

word of the day - nov 26 09

coruscate
verb
1. to give off or reflect bright beams or flashes of light; to sparkle.
2. to exhibit brilliant, sparkling technique or style.

i miss how the sun used to coruscate... i haven't seen it in ages! does it even still exist? those pesky seasonal mood disorders are starting to have a negative effect on my attitude towards everything. and we haven't even seen any snow yet! so is can still get worse...

be afraid, very afraid...

worst. movie. ever.

ok, so that might be an exageration but not by much...

i know horror movies have a well documented history of being camp-tastic but i just wasted an hour and thirty minutes of my life exploring a whole new level of campy... and valuable other lessons on thin plots, horrible acting, and "keeping you budget under control".

these lessons, and many, many more on horrible movie making can all be found in one movie! can you believe it??? the movie is drive thru and if you have 90 minutes to waste, you should watch it... just so i know you'll believe me about how dreadful it is!

word of the day - nov 25 09

diatribe
noun
a bitter verbal attack or speech.

you're like iodine chasing all the storms away
you're like a black ops licorice masquerade
you're like a buzz, i'm looking for a bee
you're like a tack in a paperclip factory
to me

you're like diatribe calling on a quest for me
you're like the ideal rainy day activity
you're like a sine, emphasis on green
you're like ladybugs turning into jelly beans

you're like iodine chasing all the storms away
you're like a black ops licorice masquerade
you're like a buzz, i'm looking for a bee
you're like a tack in a paperclip factory
to me

you're like a trance for looking at a better way
you're like a test maze keeping all the me's at bay
you're like a play, that's like a pen
you're like m.c. escher but a ten

you're like iodine chasing all the storms away
you're like a black ops licorice masquerade
you're like a buzz, i'm looking for a bee
you're like a tack in a paperclip factory
to me

you're like 2 and 15/16ths
to the north east of me
you're like 2 and 15/16ths
to the north east of me

bad idea: parents condoning racism

"School suspensions over 'Kick a Ginger' anger parents"

About two dozen kids at Burlington Central Elementary School were suspended last week after allegedly taking part in "Kick a Ginger Day," which encourages people to kick those with red hair.

But parents of some of those disciplined say the way the school punished the children is out of line.

Nov. 20 has become known among young people as "Kick a Ginger Day" in a nod to a 2005 episode of the animated TV show South Park in which characters waged violence against redheads.

Halton police say they were called to the downtown Burlington school about 8 a.m. Friday and are investigating at least four incidents. No one needed medical attention.

Local trustee Mary Dilly said she heard 24 to 28 kids were suspended after ganging up on about four kids and kicking them. She felt criminal charges should be laid and the kids should be suspended for five days.

[...]

so let's take a second to get this all straight... the parents of the kids who were physically assaulted (mob-style, might i add...) because are upset?
no, no, no... well, yes, they ARE upset...
but do you know who's also upset?
the parents of the kids who were reprimanded for the assault!
can you believe it?
they are upset not because their kid 'kicked a ginger' but because they are being punished for it! a five day suspension is getting off easy. these kids would be off to juve quicker than you could blink if they had proclaimed it 'kick a black person day' instead...

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

the candy cane donut is back at tim hortons!
it's the double chocolate donut with candy cane bits/sprinkles on top! minty AND chocolaty? no freaking way! this is my absolute favourite thing tim hos has ever come up with aside from their old school chocolate croissants that were actually croissants and not doughy lumps of crap.

word of the day - nov 23 09

punctilious
adjective
strictly attentive to the details of form in action or conduct; precise; exact in the smallest particulars.

vive le croquembouche!

in yet another instance where i want to make a weekenders reference and there is NO useful info on it, this elegant (and edible?) wedding dress reminds me of the episode where the kids bake this french cake for a contest and they fight over who get to be the presenter.

let's play a game...

which horrifying clown (and/or puppet) does this pretty pretty princess remind you of the most???

a monday morning riddle

what kind of fender bender requires SIX police cars on scene blocking a lane of traffic in each direction??

answer: one where a chick gets arrested!

i have no idea how the accident happened or the events leading up to it but on my way to work this morning i passed what looked to be a minor fender bender involving three cars... except there was a STRONG police presence on the scene... and as i was driving by, three officers were patting down this lady in handcuffs! WTF? not something you see everyday where i live!

but this is like the third day in a row where i thought i was going to be on time (maybe even early) for work and then the grand scheme of the universe lets me know that it had different plans... today it was an accident, friday it was unannounced paving, and thursday every goose in a 100km radius crossing a major road... i can't wait to see what tomorrow throws at me!

soylent green is... people!

and so apparently is anti-wrinkle face cream!
just like the soap in fight club!

"Peru villagers murdered to make anti-wrinkle cream"
LIMA - Police in Peru infiltrated and cracked a gang that was kidnapping locals, killing them and draining their fat for use in the beauty industry. The gang has reportedly been active for 30 years in the remote areas of the Andes.

master of your own domain

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to buy a title? For as little as £29.99 you can buy a noble title and your very own plot of land on an estate in Lochaber, in the Scottish Highlands. As a Scottish land owner with a Laird Title, Lord Title or Lady Title you will be privileged to style yourself Laird, Lady or Lord of Lochaber.

The Laird title is the Scottish form of a Lord title, meaning "land owner" and by purchasing one of our range of plots you will become owner of your very own Highland Estate and entitled to use your Lord title whenever you wish - you choose how large an estate you want to own. Joint estates are available for couples.

christmas idea, anyone?

word of the day - nov 20 09

perseverate
intransitive verb
1. to involuntarily repeat a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.
2. to repeat something insistently or redundantly.

all work and no play...

after hearing the plaints about traffic from someone who left work before 3, thinking about my possible 3-hour drive home is making me want to curl up into a ball on the floor and weep hysterically. and i still have A WHOLE HOUR left here to contemplate how much worse the traffic is getting...

gentle phrasing

this morning i heard on the radio that the power was out along dundas street in missisauga from winston churchill boulavard to some other street due to an accident and that traffic was slow though the area. at the time it didn't really concern me because it wasn't on my route. but at lunch today, i drove by the accident cleanup site and I WISH i had been able to take a picture...

the radio described the problem something like this: the power is out and traffic is backed up along dundas because of a vehicle into a hydro pole...

now this is how they should have described it: the power is out and traffic is backed up along dundas because a hydro pole DEMOLISHED a pickup truck! Watch it! Watch it, folks! Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Get this, Charlie! Get this, Charlie! It's fire — and it's crashing! It's crashing terrible! Oh, the humanity...

i don't know how it happened but the ENTIRE back end of the truck was wrapped around the pole right up to the cab! and the front of the truck was partially mangled as well! there are no news stories up on the interwebs that i can find right now but if i come across one with pictures i will totally post it because the destruction is epic!

word of the day - nov 19 09

suffuse
transitivve verb
to spread through or over in the manner of fluid or light; to flush.

this word ALWAYS reminds me of the episode of the weekenders where carver's poor penmanship skill lead to a new song title for their favourite band chum bucket - "suffused elephant coif winces exasperated"
i don't even remember what he was originally trying to say...
i wish, i wish, i wish i could find a link for it but the internet is dumb at work.

a serious case of the mondays thursdays

why the hell isn't it friday yet?
(not that this day would benefit at all from being a friday. it would just give me a misplaced dislike of fridays.)
by all accounts, friday should feel sooner this week because i was off on monday! it never works that way though... short weeks are the ones that NEVER seem to end.

have you ever noticed that driver stupidity increases exponentially with disappearance of good weather? this morning i spent nearly 2 hours making a drive that normally take 50 minutes in traffic. just because it was raining! ridiculous. when the snow finally comes, i think i'd rather slam my head into a brick wall repeatedly rather than drive anywhere.

so i'm in the mississauga office of my company today and it's miserable. first, it's hell far away and through the worst of the 401 traffic. second, i may have discovered the world's least comfortable chair and am currently testing its effects on a worker's mental stability. third, all my cubicle knick-knacks that make me happy when skies are gray are not here... my visitor cube here is emptier and more drab than a prison cell. AND, office characteristics aside, my empty fuel light lit up as i was pulling into the parking lot this morning. fan-fucking-tastic. now i'm going to go waste part of my lunch hour to go to the gas station so i don't have to do it when i'm going wee-wee-wee all the way home at the end of the day.

PS – i’m pretty sure there’s a lady here wearing a taffeta skirt suit… like the stuff you make cheap prom dresses out of! i can hear her every time she walks by! and it’s this nasty olive green colour too. AND (yes, there’s more!) it’s about 4 inches ABOVE her knees. it’s like a taffeta hooker business suit. i’m trying to figure out how to get a picture without going right up to her and blinding her with the flash before running away.

wtf? WTF?!?

alright now, this is taking things to a whole new and impossible dimension of disturbing...

word of the day - nov 18 09

abnegate
transitive verb
1. to refuse or deny oneself; to reject; to renounce.
2. to give up (rights, claims, etc.); to surrender; to relinquish.

campy is its own language

the other day i was watching this old 80's movie on fearnet.com called salughter high. here's the summary from the site:

Remember Revenge of the Nerds? This is a lot like that. Only instead of the nerd making the cool kids look bad, he kills them. And now, nobody's laughing.

yeah, that pretty much sums it up... that and horrible acting... but i have a feeling it might not have totally been entirely the fault of the actors because i'm pretty sure none of them had english as a first language. and maybe the movie was written/produced in some odd eurpoean country but they tried to make it seem like they were american? it was kind of a little something like this:

word of the day - nov 17 09

agog
adjective
full of excitement or interest; in eager desire; eager, keen.

trees falling in the forest

does the law of schrodinger's cat still apply if one forgets what state the cat is in inside the box?

~ from john for your consideration... go on, find out what schrodinger was doing with that cat and expand your mind.

doin' it like bunnies

just in case it ever becomes an issue, i just wanted you to know that science can now grow you a new penis in the hilarious (hilariously painful albeit) event that you lose yours or you decide that you want to try one out! you know, just FYI.

"Lab-grown penis helps rabbits mate ... like rabbits"

boobies!

now that i have your attention...

boobies!

according to german researchers, staring at women's breasts is good for one's health!

the results of a 5-year study have shown that those who ogle women's endowments "presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease."

team leader dr. karen weatherby says, "sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. [...] just 10 minutes of looking as the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobic work-out."

so there you go ladies... next time you catch a guy looking at tad lower than your face, make sure he thanks you for increasing his health and prolonging his life!**

** actually, you can go ahead and give him a sharp slap across the face because this story is totally fake!

word of the day - nov 12 09

eke
transitive verb
1. to gain or supplement with great effort or difficulty -- used with 'out'.
2. to increase or make last by being economical -- used with 'out'.

word of the day - nov 11 09

remembrance
noun
1. a retained mental impression; memory.
2. the act or fact of remembering.
3. the power or faculty of remembering.
4. the length of time over which recollection or memory extends.
5. the state of being remembered; commemoration: to hold someone's name in remembrance.
6. something that serves to bring to mind or keep in mind some place, person, event, etc.; memento.
7. a gift given as a token of love or friendship: i sent her a small remembrance on mother's day.
8. remembrances, greetings; respects.

amazon.ca shoppers are weird...

strange recommendation aside, how can most people who have purchased kung fu panda also have purchased angels and demons when it hasn't even been released yet?

PS - did you know that a kung fu panda sequel is in the works???

about face

how in the hell did this guy let himself go from "can you smell what the rock is cookin'?" to bumbling idiot extraordinaire in kid movie after kid movie? oh yeah... cold. hard. cash.
dwayne, i am so SO ashamed of you.
no, there's not excuse you can offer... don't even try. you're playing a fairy in your next movie for crying out loud!

star power

here is the trailer for angelina joile's upcoming blockbuster movie called salt. watch it for me...

now, is it just me or does she seem a little frail to be doing all those things she's doing? i mean it looks like you could break her like a toothpick! not like back in the lara croft days... i mean, lara croft could smash your face AND keep herself warm on a cool fall day. forget about russian assassins... i think the real threat here is angelina's lips angling at world domination by taking over the face of one of hollywood's most infulential celebrities.

word of the day - nov 10 09

pule
to whimper; to whine.

an SNL classic

possibly the funniest SNL skit in the 2000s... it's so funny that the cast can't even keep themselves together!

ah, childhood...

err... yes, i am aware play-doh is non-toxic but i don't know if this is the message you want to be sending to kids and their parents.

quality advertising

the ad-people in new zealand are just absolutely genius!
"Paris Hilton Angry over Vacant Billboard"

it's fuzzy wuzzy!

well, actually it's dolores!
and this bear definitely has NO hair!

"Who's taken my fur coat? Vets baffled by bald bears with mystery condition"

thoughts...

how much of an unhealthy slob did i feel like coming back to the office with my frosty while some more health-conscious employees are at the front door stretching after their lunchtime run...

small things...

i saw a squirrel frolicking in a raked-up pile of leaves on the weekend and it totally made my day!

word of the day - nov 9 09

skulduggery (also skullduggery)
noun
devious, dishonest, or unscrupulous behaviour or activity; also: an instance thereof.

tips for dressing your douche bag - part 22

word of the day - nov 5 09

maunder
intransitive verb
1. to talk incoherently; to speak in a rambling manner.
2. to wander aimlessly or confusedly.

sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away

if you happened to drop by the google site today, you might have noticed that they changed their logo to commemorate a rather special occasion...sesame street is celebrating its 40th anniversary!
in an episode that will air november 10th, michelle obama will make an appearance with elmo encoraging kids to eat well and exercise. yeah... good luck with that!

this show was so much better way back when times were simpler and being politically correct didn't override content... and also when there wasn't 1 million & 1 spin-offs, specials, and more such as:
a sesame street christmas carol
elmo's potty time
sesame street: friends to the rescue
sesame street: three bears and a new baby
(on a semi-related note, did you hear that they're thinking of making a three men and a baby sequel???)
sesame street visits the firehouse
don't eat the pictures: sesame street at the metropolitan museum of art
christmas eve on sesame street

down with the sickness

ok, so even though i literally fell out of bed this morning because i was feeling woozy and drove to work with the frost-covered window down because i was burning up, i STILL made it to the office today because i KNEW i had deadlines pending... and so just now i sent some completed work to one of my bosses only to find out that he wasn't feeling well and stayed home. perfect. eye-twitchingly perfect.

this ALWAYS happens to me... invariably, when i am legitimately sick, i have stuff that NEEDS to be done at work. so i come in feeling like crap and get it done. but then when all the rush-rush is said and done, i'm not sick anymore. i'm not begrudging my good health or taking my immune system for granted but it would be nice to be able to take a day off when i actually need it.

thoughts...

i'm feeling rather under the weather so i think i'm going to go start purposely sneezing and coughing on doorknobs and the like just so i don't have to feel this miserable all on my own.

word of the day - nov 4 09

sommelier
noun
a restaurant employee who orders and maintains the wines sold in the restaurant and usually has extensive knowledge about win and food pairings.

definition fail

stats

is it statistically possible to be eliminated from the playoffs before even half the season is over???

"Leafs still winless at home"
Lightening rain on Kessel parade

well, that title is a tad mislead; the leafs are pretty much winless everywhere. i'm jumping off this bandwagon... i'll get back on next year.

word of the day - nov 3 09

sporadic
adjective
1. (of similar things or occurrences) appearing or happening at irregular intervals in time; occasional: sporadic renewals of enthusiasm.
2. appearing in scattered or isolated instances, as a disease.
3. isolated, as a single instance of something; being or occurring apart from others.
4. occurring singly or widely apart in locality: the sporadic growth of plants.

as in what my posting schedule will be like until the end of the week... deadlines are looming and procrastination can no longer be procrastinated!

om nom nom!

did you know that this guy has a show called 'Mario EATS Italy'?? yeah, he looks like he ate it alright!

word of the day - nov 2 09

flak
noun
1. antiaircraft fire, esp. as experienced by the crews of combat airplanes at which the fire is directed.
2. criticism; hostile reaction; abuse: such an unpopular decision is bound to draw a lot of flak from the press.

and here's me catching some for procrastinating too much last week... and here's me knuckling down for the rest of the day, trying to make up for all that lack of productivity. see you on tuesday!

rat-a-tat-tat

word of the day - oct 30 09

costume
noun, verb, adjective
1. a style of dress, including accessories and hairdos, esp. that peculiar to a nation, region, group, or historical period.
2. dress or garb characteristic of another period, place, person, etc., as worn on the stage or at balls.
3.fashion of dress appropriate to a particular occation or season: dancing costume; winter costume.
4. a set of garments, esp. woman's garments, selected for wear at a single time; outfit; ensemble.
5. to dress; furnish with a costume; provide appropriate dress for: to costume a play.
6. of or characterized by the wearing of costumes: a costume party.
7. meant for use with or appropriate to a specific costume: costume accessories.

happy halloween!

halloween is by far my favourite holiday of the year. you get to be someone else for a night, step outside your normal, everyday self and just have fun, no matter what age you are! and CANDY! there's free candy all over the place! how could you pass up free candy? and there's no agonizing over gift decisions or family obligations; simple and stress-free. now if only we could get it declared a national holiday that comes with a day off of work...

definitely worth a second watching

so have you heard the hype james cameron's epic movie project that is due out sometime in the near project? it's called avatar and it's supposedly his masterpiece...

well the official trailer is coming up for release and someone foreign-y has gotten their hands on it early and it's floating around the interwebs. i suggest your watch it ASAP before someone throws a temper tantrum and it gets taken down.

it looks beautiful! i think it has the potential to be really good if the hype and this business about plagiarism don't overwhelm it. the only thing i don't like is how cartoon-y the aliens look...

personally, i watched the trailer 3 times... you can judge for yourself how many viewing is the right number. try 1 and go from there.

to die for

just in time for halloween, i've come up with a vampires to die for. some are so hot you want to die and others you just want to die are not so much...contrary to popular belief, i DO actually have a job that i am ALWAYS diligently working on during the day so i didn't really have time to rank ALL the vampires ever conceived. you'll also notice the lack of vampires of the female persuasion on the list... what can i say? this is a list for the ladies.

let's think of this list more like a comparison guide if you will... if your favourite (or least favourite) vampire didn't make the list, feel free to say so and give them a rating of your own!
i've already noticed one exemption that i can't go without mentioning - spike (james marsters) from buffy! a bad boy with an accent in a leather coat... yes, yes, and yes! I'd put him a shade below angel but miles ahead of sparkle boy.

so my totally official rating system ranges from so-scary-you-might-want-to-consider-changing-your-pants (red) to throw-em-on-the-bed-and-take-off-your-pants (green) in terms of hotness.

ready? let's count (haha... see what i did there?) 'em down!

9. stephen moyer as bill compton in true blood
ok i'll admit to never watching this show but i don't get why people are getting their panties all in a twist over this guy... he's more scary than anything approaching attractive.

8. danny huston as marlow in 30 days of night
this guy is one scary, scary vampire... cold, brutal, and SMART! having your tribe of vampire attack a small town in the middle of cold-as-hell, nowhere just as the sun is about to set for a whole month? genius!

7. bela lugosi as count dracula in dracula
the original. probably scary as shit at the time...

6. kiefer sutherland as david in the lost boys
not really scary, not really attractive. he makes it on the list for the notoriety of that mullet alone.

5. tom cruise as lestat de lioncourt in interview with the vampire: the vampire chronicles
once upon a time tom cruise wasn't batshit insane and made movie people actually went to see. and they lived happily ever after. the end.

4. brad pitt as louis de pointe du lac in interview with the vampire: the vampire chronicles
tans are over-rated... now if only brad pitt could really live forever... i'm sure hollywood is busy sorting out the logistics of that.

3. robert pattinson as edward cullen in twilight
please stop - i can hear your eye rolling from here. i just want it noted for the record that i found him attractive as cedric diggory in harry potter before fame pounced on him like a rabid monkey.

2. david boreanaz as angel in buffy the vampire slayer
almost like a vampire, this guy almost doesn't age... he's looking as hot today as he did back in the day. and before you ask, i don't want to talk about his spin-off show... bad idea. the buffy-angel thing was one of the greatest romances of my adolescence. they belong together (or me with him and her with whoever) and there's no convincing me he'd ever fall for cordelia of all people.

1. count von count from sesame street
i would TOTALLY hit that.

fleet of foot

or should i say "a fleet of feet"?
(unsuitable you say? suck it!)

"Another foot washes up on Vancouver-area beach"

Vancouver – Another detached foot inside a running shoe has been found on a B.C. beach.

The remains of a right foot, confirmed as human, were found Tuesday on a beach in the Vancouver suburb of Richmond inside a muddy size-8.5 Nike shoe.

The discovery was made by two men out for a walk.

Human remains inside shoes first began washing up on West Coast shores in 2007. But since the sixth foot was discovered last November, none had been found until this week.

Of the first six feet, two were female and four were male. It's not yet known if this seventh foot belonged to a male or female. Police are conducting DNA tests.

The B.C. Coroners' Service and the RCMP concluded in the earlier cases that the remains separated naturally from the bodies and were not detached using tools.

Of the first six feet, one has been identified as belonging to a man who may have committed suicide. Investigators have also determined there are two pairs among the remaining feet – the two female feet belong to the same person, and two of the male feet belong to one individual, although neither victim has been identified.

The mysterious appearances of feet in running shoes led to speculation that a serial killer was at large, that the remains were part of a human trafficking ring from Asia or that remnants of bodies were washing up from the 2004 tsunami.

Those theories were debunked after oceanographers concluded the bodies originated somewhere along the West Coast and forensic investigators found the remains had separated naturally.

The first foot was discovered in August 2007 on Jedidiah Island in the Strait of Georgia. A week later, another foot was found on Gabriola Island. The third foot was found in February 2008 on Valdes Island. The fourth was located in May 2008 on Kirkland Island in the Fraser River, followed by a fifth a few weeks later along the same river in Ladner. The sixth foot was found in Richmond along the Fraser River in November 2008.

what a twee-st!

remember goosebumps?
ah the good ol' days...

i feel as though i'm still too young to have memories of the good ol' days... possibly because i've never matured mentally past the age 12 at most. meh...

anyway, goosebumps!
for the sake of nostalgia (or, as i'm going to start calling it, new-stalgia) go here:
"10 Most Spooktacular Twists in the Goosebumps Books"

word of the day - oct 29 09

conflate
transitive verb
1. to bring together; to fuse together; to join or meld.
2. to combine (as two readings of a text) into one whole.

FABulous dahling...

here, have yourself a good giggle over this one...

say hello to palm beach sugar daddy ken!
that's right... PALM BEACH SUGAR DADDY KEN! complete with silly clothes and an enragingly tiny dog!

thoughts...

goodness gracious it's almost 11 and i've been busy all morning but i've accomplished nothing... how frustrating!

thoughts...

how come i can never seem to stay focused when deadlines are looming?

word of the day - oct 28 09

badinage
noun
light, playful talk; banter.

new best friend

thoughts...

once again, they pick an AWESOME doy for a fire drill...
rain makes everyone's disposition sunnier.

word of the day - oct 27 09

loquacious
adjective
1. very talkative
2. full of excessive talk; wordy.

never. done. drugs.

don't believe everything you read on the internets, kids...

i can feel time & space unravelling beneath my feet!

i always knew the human race would eventaully break the galaxy...

"We have broken speed of light"

A pair of German physicists claim to have broken the speed of light - an achievement that would undermine our entire understanding of space and time.

According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

Being able to travel faster than the speed of light would lead to a wide variety of bizarre consequences.

For instance, an astronaut moving faster than it would theoretically arrive at a destination before leaving.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

word of the day - oct 26 09

confabulation
noun
1. familiar talk; easy, unrestrained, unceremonious conversation.
2. (psychology) a plausible but imagined memory that fills in gaps in what is remembered.

potentially a bad decision

afternoon snack: chocolate milk and salt & vinegar chips

will the vinegar curdle the milk?
to avoid finding out, i will only consume one at a time... but which first??

definitely as young as i used to be

awesome weekend, everyone. awesome weekend.
out three nights in a row and i survived.
yes yes!

word of the day - oct 23 09

galumph
intransitive verb
to move in a clumsy manner or with a heavy tread.

for john: 'Galumph is probably an alternation of gallop. It was coined by Lewis Carroll in the nonsense poem "Jabberwocky."'

feeling like ass never felt so good

remember my gripe about mid-week shows last week?
well, i have an addendum - REALLY don't do it!

but i have to admit, the show last night was ALMOST worth feeling this horrid... i have yet to empty my stomach contents orally so it's all still good int he hood. whether or not this breakfast sandwich i'm eating was a good idea is yet to be decided.

anyway, the show last night was USS at circa.
never failing to amaze, the guys were completely amped and they put on an amazing show. whatever they are on, everyone needs to get some of that! somewhere in the universe, stars are dying at an alarming rate due to the energy these guys are absorbing.
so this show was billed as a 'house party' and was sponsered by smirnoff... those damned sugary drinks (i'm looking at you smirnoff ice!) always make the next day so very taxing. especially when there are complimentary drinks involved... at first they were only offering their 'signature drinks' with the free drink tickets but by the end of the night, a ticket was good for any mixed vodka drink. if i was going to have a 'signature drink' i would definitely make something that was a little less disgusting. the one i ended up trying was this vodka/baileys/expresso thing that was so bitter that i pretty much gagged from the smell before it even hit my lips.
i guess sugary drinks do have their upside though... like keeping old people like myself awake until the band hits the stage at 12:30! friggin' eh! the show didn't finish until like 1:45! and then i wasn't in bed until like 3:00! not good news... i am SERIOUSLY thinking about having a nap under my desk at lunchtime. and one more at like 2:30... and then again at 3:30... and maybe another nap right about now too... that'd be nice!update: the first half of the breakfast sandwich was a good idea... the second half, not so much.

tips for dressing your douche bag - part 21

costume idea?

how about going as emperor palpatine the pope? guaranteed to be one of the scariest costumes at any party you attend...

word of the day - oct 22 09

querulous
adjective
1. apt to find fault; habitually complaining.
2. expressing complaint; fretful; whining.

mama always told me...

mama always told me to wear proper underwear and pants that covered my whole ass so that when i stopped to be a good samaritan the google maps van wouldn't capture and share my butt crack with the whole internet...

word of the day - oct 21 09

kitsch
noun
1. art characterized by pretentious bad taste.
2. relating to, or characterized by, kitsch.

as you well know, defining a word using the very same word is one of my biggest pet peeves... i am barely holding my shit together here...

yes yes!

detroit - challenging oshawa for classiest city in the world.

"Food stamps swapped for booze, Viagra"

DETROIT (AP) — Viagra and pornography are not staples on the government’s food stamp list. But authorities say a Detroit store supplied them during a series of illegal deals.

Federal prosecutors filed fraud charges this week against three people who worked at Jefferson’s Liquor Palace.

The alleged scheme worked this way: Food stamp recipients would get cash from the store in exchange for swiping larger amounts off their electronic cards. The store would then be reimbursed by the U.S. Agriculture Department.

But in some transactions, the government the store provided informants Viagra, liquor and porn in exchange for swiping about $2,000 off food stamp cards.

The government says fraud at the store topped $130,000 over 21/2 years. The store is closed.

word of the day - oct 20 09

dastard
noun
a mean coward.

tips for dressing your douche bag - part 20

word of the day - oct 19 09

fugacious
adjective
lasting but a short time; fleeting.

for like 15 minutes i thought this word was fergalicious... thankfully it isn't and hopfully fergie's solo career will be fugacious.

change of scenery

watch out monday commuters! i'm on the move!
starting today, i'm get a weekly all expenses paid (not confirmed) visit to one of my company's other offices in southern ontario. woo hoo? so i guess it wasn't enough that they extended my commute from 'down the street' to 'all the hell across the top of the city' but now once a week i get 'through all the fuckity-fuck traffic we could find'... and let me tell you, i could not be more impressed. except maybe when the snow hits and most drivers shit out their brains as soon as that first snowflake touches the ground.

tips for dressing your douche bag - part 19

the best accessory for any douche bag outfit - tits.

concert review: silversun pickups

WHO: silversun pickups
WHERE: sound academy, toronto
WHEN: october 15, 2009
ok so i've been waiting to see this show since like forever. i bought the tickets way back during the advanced presale! needless to say, i was pretty excited. i saw SSPU for the first time at sasquatch this summer and i'd never really heard of them. but i enjoyed them and started listening for them on the radio. the more i heard, the more i liked!

the show was very well performed. lead vocalist brian aubert has a very distinctive voice and in my opinion is a very good singer. he was no disappointment live. the whole band was full of energy and genuinely happy to be playing to this crowd. toronto has been very good to them and they enjoy putting on shows here.

the only disappointment i can think of is that they didn't play a show for casual fans. this can be a plus or minus depending on what side of the fan fence you sit on... the hardcore fans were probably thrilled that they played a super long set. casual fans maybe not so much... they music was good but waiting for your favourite (read: radio played) songs can really drag a show out. even though i was really excited for the show, i would class myself as a casual fan and i found myself dipping mid-set. instead of spreading out the easily recognizable tunes, they bookended the performance with them. it made for an AWESOME finale but it was a long time coming.

being older than i'm willing to admit, i am starting to seriously dislike midweek shows... doors for this show didn't open until 8 and on the way to the show the radio announced that SSPU wouldn't be going on until 11! so you bet on at least 45-50 minute set + an encore and things NEVER run on schedule... so then damn! you're not home and in bed until 1:30! having to get up for work 5 hours later just ruins your friday.

despite what sounds like a long list of complaints i would most definitely see them again next time they hit toronto. you should too.

backing bands:
an horse - a rocking and folksy (if the two can co-exist) from brisbane, australia. they played a good little set... so much sound for a little twosome! i don't have any of the lyrics or melodies stuck in my head but i definitely enjoyed them. there were definitely some people in the crowd who REALLY enjoyed them. i can never understand how some fans can get SO worked up with all the screaming and the yelling and the jumping up and down for mellower-sounding bands - such a contradiction... but whatever, all of their cds were sold out before i even got into the building!

cage the elephant - for only knowing their one overplayed radio hit, i thoroughly enjoyed this performance. my only complaint - the voice mic was cranked up way too loud... other than my slightly annoyed eardrums, the rest of me was (pardon the retro hipster in me) moving and shaking to the beat. lead singer matt shultz apparently didn't take his ritalin for the past month because he was bouncing off the walls, the floor, and the crowd. if he didn't have a mic in his hand, you might have thought he was having a seizure. i will definitely be downloading their album in a no way illegal manner.

word of the day - oct 16 09

magniloquent
adjective
lofty or grandiose in speech or expression; using a high-flown style of discourse; bombastic.

the bird

mother nature is flipping it to us. big time.

first we don't even get an actual summer and now we're getting denied a leisurely fall to ease us into winter! there are forecasts for SNOW FLURRIES this afternoon... IN THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER?!?

eff that noise.
EFF. THAT. NOISE.

tips for dressing your douche bag - part 18

word of the day - oct 15 09

stolid
adjective
having or revealing little emotion or sensibility; not easily excited.

keepin' it klassy

way to go oshawa! you be representin'!

me like!

don't get all upset with me for once again mentioning chirstmas before halloween but i'm just giving you all plenty of warning. you don't want to be THAT person running to the store on christmas eve with no idea what to get, do you? it's all about bein prepared! so yeah, here's a little something that i would LOVE to get... be it chirstmas or otherwise!

intorducing the dunk mug!The Mocha Dunk Mug is the ideal cup for you if you like a couple of biscuits with your tea or coffee.

With the original, dual purpose dunking mug there's no need to juggle with a plate and cup and of course, you also save on the washing up afterwards.

If you're looking for gift ideas, a dunker mug makes a great present for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, house-warming and many other occasions. It is the perfect gift for those people who are really hard to find presents for.

Left handed dunkers haven't been forgotten either as it's available in both right and left handed versions. The slot of the Dunk cup should always face away from you when drinking so that the biscuits in the slot slide towards the back of the mug rather than onto your lap.