what do you want to be when you grow up?

those nutters over at jobboom.com have come out with a list of the least trusted professions... does your job make the list??

10. Police Officer
9. Journalist
8. Celebrities
7. Handymen (with sticky fingers)
6. Agent/Manager
5. Telemarketers
4. Lawyer
3. Mechanic
2. Politician

and...

wait for it...

1. Used car salesman!

i'm really not all the surprised at these choices... your usual run-of-the-mill stereotyping... well, that was more boring than i thought. alas, it's a very slow news day so we'll just go with it.

good gawd...

when i first saw this picture of (ugh...) rumer willis i thought to myself what is name of lucifer has this twat done with her mess of a head??? bangs? a rounded bob?

thankfully (if we can actually be thankful for anything rumer does beside possible crawl under a rock for the next 40 years...) it turned out only to be her hideous hat that seems to have put down roots all the way into her peanut brain.

i know she's going for the "quirky" angle but those glasses... seriously?

they're probably versace and cost more than my house but that doesn't make them any less hideous.

better take down my dlibert...

"Judge sides with man fired over Dilbert comic"

stupid drunken lemurs with time on their hands! even when they decide to fire someone for "misconduct" for trying to cheer people up, they still need talented people to make sure it actually sticks...

ok, so even if you read the story, that last bit there doesn't make much sense...

here's the dilbert i have posted on my cubicle wall:

last minute christmas idea

how much do i want one of these?

the fact that it can be powered by a USB port is baffling (why? aren't batteries enough?) but nevertheless, it's still pretty cool.

i'm just sad i can't access the site (usb.brando.com.hk) where they come from at work... i have to settle to reading about other people gush about them.

fun with the english language

let's play the homophone game!

toxin [noun]

any poison produced by an organism, characterized by antigenicity in certain animals and high molecular weight, and including the bacterial toxins that are the causative agents of tetanus, diptheria, etc., and such plant and animal toxins as ricin and snake venom.

tocsin [noun]

1. a signal, esp. of alarm, sounded on a bell or bells.
2. a bell used to sound an alarm.


raise a tocsin about a potential toxin in chinese manufactured goods...

dictionay.com

baby 101

so in case you live under a rock, jamie lynn spears (brit brit's baby sister) is preggers...
i'm dying a little inside just thinking/writing about this but whatever...

jls is only 16 years old! and the boyfriend is 19!
smells like stautory rape to me... why isn't this guy instantly arrested?
i went in search of "age of consent" and louisiana (where stupidhead wants to raise the baby so it can be "normal") came up blank... i guess with all that cousin-fucking, "carnal knowledge of a minor" isn't such a big deal...
after more searching, i found that the "age of sexual consent" in louisiana is 17!!! AND the death penalty used to be a possible punishment for raping an adult woman... but now that's banned but it's unclear if it could be applied to child rapists...
the boyfriend in a child rapist! there, i said it... but it's true!

and what are these little hos doing running about town giving away their flowers?? isn't 16 a little young? where are the parents? mind you, keisha castle-hughes (Whale Rider) had a baby when she was only 16 (he boyfriend should have been arrested too - he was 20!) and she turned out alright... but (big but here...) she didn't have brit brit for a sister or lynn for a mother... ("The Spears women must be allergic to contraceptives")

in completely seperate news, lynn spears' book on parenting has been put on hold indefinitely...
apparently, the christian publishing house that was backing it wasn't on board with pre-marital teen pregnancy...

PS - what kind of awesome publicity is this kind of shit for that new movie Juno that's coming out??? i seriously want to see that! that's fictional juno kid is way cooler that jls will ever be and she's dealing with her pregncay like an actual normal person!

PPS - i totally love michael cera and it's good to finally see him getting the acting gigs he deserves!

giuchie, giuchie, ya ya dada

looks like crissy aguilera doesn't want her coochie all stretched out when she has her baby...
she's apparently scheduled a c-section for january 10th...
and the date might even be pushed earlier to (the only thing i can think of) fit her schedule...
why doesn't anyone just let this shit happen naturally anymore? don't get me wrong, i'll probably be screaming for an epidural but... still, you know what i mean?
and january 10th? doesn't that seem a little soon to you? seems like just yesterday she gave up the charade of trying to hide the baby bump...
oh yeah, bitch is also having ANOTHER baby shower! it's still a fetus and it probably owns more crap than i ever will!

intergalactic friday night fight

"'Bully' galaxy blasts neighbour with radiation"

The lastest act of senseless violence caught on tape is cosmic in scope: a black hole in "death star galaxy" blasting a neighbouring galaxy with a deadly jet of radiation and energy.

betta get that ensured, geiko for yo money...

really??

"Then the American Hamilton Beach patented in 1902 the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified, after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle and toaster, and about a decade before the vacuum cleaner and the electric iron."

[source]

dumbass... a play in 3 acts

"Accused deja-drunk driver"

this is so effed up i'm not even sure i get it but let's work through it anyway...

cast of characters:

male drunky - MD

female drunky - FD

random other person - ROP

durham region's finest - the fuzz

ACT I

the fuzz is conducting a check of vehicles at a R.I.D.E. checkpoint...

MD & FD are in a car merrily driving along, MD is at the wheel.

the fuzz pull over the car containing MD & FD... MD blows over the limit and is arrested on the spot. FD wants to take the car home so she gives the fuzz a breath test - she fails. the fuzz says no dice to taking the car home

ROP comes and takes FD home.

ACT II

3 hours later, FD drives back to the checkpoint by herself to pick up MD...

the fuzz recognize her and get her to take another breath test...

things are not looking good for FD - she fails again! and is promptly arrested.

ACT III

the fuzz laugh at the misfortunes of the stupid, tell you you shouldn't drink and drive.

long live the designated driver, literally... and all that jazz...

and you were there, and you!

i was going to start proclaiming something like "world news breaking story: nicole kidman IS a robot!" but the ladies over at gofugyourself.com came up with something much more witty and apt...

"How nice of Nicole Kidman to detour off the Yellow Brick Road for her movie premiere. But be warned, Nic: Now that the Tin Man has a heart, he's going to have LOTS of horny women dressed in aluminum foil competing for the chance to break it. So you'd better get going again if you want to be the one manning his oil can."

it's real!

it looks like a rubber ball with googly eyes!

but it is in fact a real animal!

it's some sort of squid-y jellyfish thing... teuthowenia megalops!

try saying that 5 times fast!

picture of the week - dec. 17

aurora borealis showing off to impress that new cute girl in class above the town of kenai, alaska...
for more awesome pictures, click here.

now it's time for another "good idea, bad idea"

GOOD IDEA:

"Clicking to help the environment"
Owen Ward's site, clickgreener.com, sends a portion of proceeds to help the environment

it's a virtual shopping mall that contributes a portion of every sale to environmental causes! 140 canadian and american retailers have agree to appear on the site including: HBC, Canadian Tire, Indigo, and Amazon.
for more info, go to http://www.clickgreener.com/


BAD IDEA:

dressing up for halloween as a pinata

now here's something you don't hear about everyday...

"250 lb. nude man battles cops"
Out-of-control man arrested without injury

at first the sheer absurdness of the title reeeled me in...
but then it turned out to be less about a man with a serious glandular problem and personal vendetta against the clothed form and more about tasers instead.
apparently the fuzz are all proud of themselves for dealing with this situation using "sheer force and numbers" instead of deadly non-deadly methods...

now here's a scheme for you!

"Woman Married To 10 Men At Same Time"

bitch is only 26! damn... i hope i don't look like that in 1 year, 4 months, and 21 days... sweet geezes, i hope i don't look that bad in 10 years!

dudes must have been terribly desperate to marry that... i know it's a sham marriage in order for them to stay in the country but you don't think they could have done better?

and where did they all find her? did she put an add out in the personals? loves long walks on the beach, poetry, and fake marriges for cash...

curiously, she is charged with 9 counts of bigamy... shouldn't it be 9 (or even 10? i'm not clear on the rules here...) counts of polygamy? maybe polygamy isn't illegal, only bigamy... what about religious sects that allow polygamy/bigamy? how do they escape the law? she should have just said she was with them...

bad santa...

"Santa letters halted after insults found"

doesn't that just pique your interest???

i really wanted to know what those letters said! but this whole article was so very vague...

"unpleasant surprise"

"inappropriate messages"

"unsuitable letter"

"demeaning or insulting language"

that tells me nothing!

boo...

FLICK OFF!!

"Turn off and tune out on Earth Day"

Green movement plans to sweep globe with a one-hour wave of darkness March 29

the view of sydney before and during the first "earth hour" this year...

cities scheduled to participate is the upcoming year's earth hour include: toronto, chicago, auckland, tel aviv, copenhagen, manila, suva (fiji), and of course sydney - the city that started it all!

for more information go to http://www.earthhour.org/

hee hee... this thestar.com article has a little thingy at the end that says "watch for special coverage of Earth Hour in the Toronto Star on Jan. 19." jan 19th?? that's nowhere near earth day! why (or how) would you have special coverage then?? that's just silly!

from the annals of the lame...

so we already know the english languare is shit (silent letter? WTF's up with that? if they're silent, what business do they have being there? and I & E thing? please...) but this week it got a whole bunch worse as shagadelic and w00t were recognized as words.

shagadelic, adj. slang
sexy, esp. in a psychedelic or 'retro' way. also as a general term of approval. popularized by the film austin powers: international man of mystery (1997) a parody of 1960s spy films, in which the term was used as a catchphrast by the main character.
recognised by: oxford online

w00t, interjection
expressing joy (it could be after a triumph, or for no reason at all); similar in use to the word "yay"
recognized by: merriam webster online

alright oxford online, i was on board for truthiness but that's because stephen cobert is way cooler (how lame and 6th grade does that sound? way cool man!) than austin powers.
and merriam webster online? l33t speak? really?!? i'm officially not talking to you anymore.

a gentleman AND a scholar

now THIS is a suit:

daniel day lewis teaches us all a thing or two about how it's done.

picture of the week - dec. 13

PENGUINS!!

ok, i'll admit it... all the snow and junk has made my head slow... i didn't ready this article... i was just like oooh... pretty picture! but you can go read it if you like!

"Penguins in march towards extinction"
Melting sea ice, shrinking food supply threaten Antarctica's stars of award-winning documentary

that thing you eww...

so i saw this picture of johnathon schaech and i recalled that he was thought of as hot at some point, possibly during my high school career... so i went in search of "hot" pictures of him... but to no avail! apparently, he's just an unattractive person, aging even more unattractively... the lady tickler definitely doesn't help... [source]

was a turtle, name was hank

so as you may or may not know, i know this wee small turtle named hank... he lives at my house and is possibly the most spoiled turtle in the history of the world.
apparently, hank has a grumpy doppelganger!
artist daniel steven rutis has a little series of cartoons called Hank the Grumpy Turtle
it includes such masterpieces as Hank the Grumpy Turtle gets in a box

jagged little pill

guess what these delightfully shiny things are for???

they make you shit gold!!

well, not really... they just make your poop all glittery.

these little fellows are dipped in gold and filled with 24-karat gold-leaf!!!

and guess what else!! it'll only cost you $425!!! sounds like a bargain to me...

why???

[source]

who's the birthday boy???

it's david brewster, inventor of the kaleidoscope!

mr. brewster was born on this day in 1781 in jedburgh scotland.

matter of record

this is one record i definitely would not like to hold...

"Pa. man get in Guinness Book for car accident"

title --> greatest distance thrown in a car accident

matthew mcknight was thrown 118 feet whe a car hit him travelling 70mph...
the good samaritan was hit while helping victims from another accident along the side of an interstate.
the damage? both shoulders disloacted plus broken shoulder, pelvis, leg and tailbone
hope this dude got someone to buy him a lottery ticket that day...

you are what you eat!

hmm...
this is rather amusing... and so very creepy at the same time!

[source]

really brings life to that arrogant worms song - carrot juice is murder

"Vegetables live in oppression,
served on our tables each night.
This killing of veggies is madness,
I say we take up the fight.

Salads are only for murderers,
coleslaw's a fascist regime.
Don't think that they don't have feelings,
just cause a radish can't scream."

oh the weather outside it frightful...

"Santies in their scanties"

Kris Kringles in Speedos make their third annual run for Sick Kids hospital

(picture from last year)

hee hee... this is so fun!
like the polar bear swim only slightly less insane!
but it's all for a good cause so i'll excuse it.
for more information go to torontosantaspeedorun.com

prison break!

"Willy the tortoise makes a slow-speed dash for freedom"

if you know me, you know i'm a sucker for a story about a turtle... willy here isn't exactly a turtle but close enough!

11-year-old, 90-kg willy got out after someone left a gate open and got a whole 800 metres from his yard! this was willy's 3rd escape attempt!

anyone with a weak stomach may want to avoid this...

i think i threw up a little in my mouth when i read the title on this article...
very, very unpleasent.

"Man sues over condom in Whopper"

van miguel hartless, the ill-fated burger buyer, had this to say: "My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste. It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation. As I went to bite down a little harder..."

wait, wait, wait... YOU WENT TO BITE DOWN A LITTLE HARDER??? you tasted something foreign and you continued to eat? oh man, you are just asking for whatever's coming to you!

and so the quote continues, "...I felt a rubber grind between my teeth. i saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out. It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing."

gawd... i would have been vomiting for days if that had happened to me, not just feeling sick-to-my-stomach...

growing up so fast

little hermione granger is all growed up looking like a beautiful young lady...

does that sound a little creepy? nevertheless... she looks good.

at first when i saw these pictures from InStyle i thought it was scarlett johansson and i was all like ugh, scarlett johansson will you ever go away? you can't act! pretty girl, nice rack, but no talent... but then i actually read the little blurb and was instantly more interested! and she DOES look a little like kate winslet in some of these pictures!

baby buddha

aww... isn't think "little" guy just the cutest thing you've ever seen???

well... he's not really little...

at only 8-months, he's tipping the scales at about 41 pounds! he was a normal weight a birth (7 pounds 4 oz.) but he started rapidly gaining weight after a month. his mommy had to nurse him 20 times a day (!!!) because he's hungry.

[source]

question?

exactly what sort of things happen when you wear eleganza?

[source]

falling into an office rut?

play the office game! gather together a few co-workers and beat the boredom!
here's how it goes:

1 point

• run 1 lap around the office at top speed
• walk sideways to the photocopier
• find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk
• when they're not looking, pour out most of someone's coffee leaving them with an inch or less of java
• ignore the first 5 people who say "good morning" to you
• to signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace
• phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and number and say "just called to say i can't talk right now. bye!"
• while riding an elevator, gasp dramatically everytime the doors open

3 points

• babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "did you get all that? i like repeating myself!" - double points if you do this to a manager
• kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
• put your shoes in a bag in the fridge with a sign that says "property of (your name here). hands off!"
• shout random numbers while someone is counting
• tape off the area around your desk with masking tape and tell people to stay outside the "hot zone"

5 points

• at the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - extra points if you actually start singing)
• for an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "bob"
• flick the light switch in your office on/off frantically telling everybody it's time to "party down!!"
• after every sentence, say "mon" in a really bad jamacian accent... as in, "the report's on your desk, mon." keep this up for an hour
• in a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "shut up! all of you just sht up!"
• repeat the following conversation 10 times with yourself: "do you hear that?" "what?" "never mind, it's gone now." - bonus point for a nervous tic
• tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away

what's your score???

snip-happy

oh elisha cuthbert... you look so cute!

from your ankles up at least...

your shoes are ok and the tights add a hint of sparkle... BUT...

what i find so jarring to the eye is when we get down to that foot-ular region...

it looks like you tried some ill-advised home craft project entitled "use your old leggings to make a dashing pair of stirrup pants!"

rough...

i knew raising kids was tough on a peson but i never thought it was this tough...
here's brangelina somewhere or other looking all broke-down.

didn't these people used to be hot? what the hell happened?

mayhaps they are being jenna-jameson'ed by nicole kidman? she's stealing their youth and injecting it into her freshly ironed forehead!

ps - maddox is looking as adorable as ever! all over hollywood, babaies seem to be growing with out abandon... but little maddox always seems so sweet and young! maybe he's stealing his parents' youth!!

ridiculousness resolved

FINALLY!!!

"It's a go for REV JO"
Whitby minister gets her licence plate back after McGuinty steps in to ensure 'common sense'

i know what you're thinking... mcguinty, common sense?
whatever... it's about time!

related stories:
ridiculous!
ha HA!
and you thought it was ridiculous before???

~snicker~

"Government-grown medical pot can't meet patients' needs: lawyer"

this is silly... health canada are bad pot growers!
"Governments don't know how to grow marijuana and don't know much about marjuana because of 80 years, they're been trying to convice us that it's harmful."

if they wanted to be able to provide the best quality "medicine" possible, they would hire a street-tested grower! it's not like the have their own people tooling around trying to make health canada brand insulin - they hire some one who does it for a living or they outsource to actual insulin people!
but i'm going to have to actually agree with the government on its stance that medical marijuana users shouldn't be able pick their own grower/supplier. in case you forgot, marijuana IS a controlled/illegal substance... if patients were allowed to pick their grower/supplier it would serve to promote growing and dealing...

get this - health canada's lawyer on this case is christopher leafloor...

this is REAL news?

really? REALLY?!?

"Dog strollers all the rage"
Whiskers, wagging tails welcome in newest canine contraption

well bernadette morra, i hope you died a little inside when you wrote this...
your fellow writers have headlines like "Controversial chemical found in infant formula", "Reactor snag delays cancer cure", and "Climate change critics fear Canada's influence"
and you, what are you writing about? dog strollers.
when you started your career as a "fashion editor" is this really where you imagined yourself?
dog strollers. really?
and geezes! $400? for a dog cart?
i know people care about their pets but... aren't you supposed to be taking your dogs on walks for them to get exercise?
AND branded dog strollers? jeep brand? "a pet jogger that even a guy would be fine with"? what the hell?!?
all-terrain? ultra-light?
this is just too ridiculous for words...

a very special birthday wish...

knut, the abandoned polar bear cub who won the hearts of people all over the world, is celebrating his first birthday!

at the berlin zoo where knut currently resides, they had a big even for him!

kids got free entry to the zoo and knut got a birthday cake of fruit, veggies, and rice all topped off with a wooden toy candle!

here's my favourite line: "Weighing about 2 pounds a birth, Knut has bulked up to 243 pounds, and in July had to be put on a diet because of concerns that treats -- like his favorite croissants -- were piling on the pounds." aww... he loves his treats! sounds like a certain spoiled little turtle that i know...

outsourced ranting...

so for a change, i've brough in a substitute ranter...
say hello to john!
he's got much more incendiary views than i on a subject such as this...

"Halt new highways, activists demand"
Watchdog's position on Greenbelt expansion also bothers sprawl foes

The decision to go ahead with the construction of the planned Ontario highway extensions and expansions is the proper decision. Too much money has been spent at this point to cancel the projects. The Ottawa LRT project was cancelled mere months before construction was to begin. Numerous studies had been conducted, countless hours of work had been put in by thousands of people (including yours truly), and multi-million dollar contracts had been awarded. Then someone runs for Mayor of Ottawa on the platform of canceling the LRT. He won; the project was cancelled. The city had to pay hundreds of millions in damages for defaulting on contracts, not to mention all the lost labour. And now that mayor is calling for new studies for an LRT to commence. The moral of the story; don't cancel construction contracts! And the 407 really needs to be tied in on the east end. What's the point of a 401 bypass when the bypass goes nowhere? Even linking to the 115 would be better than letting the end of the highway stay out in north Durham.

As for new construction and highway expansions, the government should take a good long look at development growth strategies. The rate of growth in Canada (specifically in southern Ontario and Alberta) cannot be sustained forever. When that growth tapers off, what then? Fifteen percent of this province's employment comes from the construction industry. When the boom ends, what happens to those people, who have few skills besides manual labour? Companies will go bankrupt, banks and insurance companies will lose money, and as one string can unravel a tapestry, the country's economy will crash.

Now this won't happen overnight. We have 20 years of oil left in the Alberta tar sands before the crisis will be realized. But then, what? The buildings will no longer be built, and those new highways that will be paved between now and then will be empty. Few people will be able to afford to travel to their jobs. And there won't be any petroleum to fuel our cars, anyway.

The massive highway construction projects underway are but one symptom of an economy out of control. There needs to be a management strategy that looks beyond the 5- or 10-year horizon. I know governments make decisions to improve the short-term, because they want to get re-elected, but the government has a higher duty - to ensure the well-being of its citizens. There is no light in the future of Canada.

might as well just starting clubbing them over the head when they come out of the womb...

'cause our youth ain't getting any smarter...

remember back in the old days when games were not only for fun but they also slyly educated you without you actually knowing???

scrabble - spelling, the uselessness of the letter "Z"

trivial pursuit - general knowledge

chess/checkers - strategy, how to escape a harry-potter-esque security system

snakes & ladders - the dangers of snakes and the clearly pro-ladder agenda of milton bradley...

and monopoly - the money game!

economic activity, renting & trading, realty... learning the value of money... how to count money...

well parker brothers has gone and given the learning quotient of monopoly a lobotomy...

claiming that they are moving with the times, the iconic monopoly money is being replaced with a VISA (yes, it's branded...) credit/debit card...

horray! no more making my brain sweat with all that pesky money counting! now all you have to do is slide your card through the reader and it's a done deal.

says spokesman chris weatherhead: "The new electronic Monopoly reflects the changing nature of society and the advancement of technology."

it also reflects current sciety's disregard for the value of money... when you don't have to think about it in tends of dollars and cents and all you have to worry about is plastic, it's so much easier to just let money flow from your pockets.

this is silly... i can't believe they're dumbing down monopoly... my rage (is rage too strong a word? maybe...) over this has turned my brains in scrambled eggs and i'm left here shaking m head going but... but... but...!

for all those monoploy purists out there, hasbro (parent company to parker brothers) has a site where you can download traditional monopoly money in pdf form so you can make your own and save your brain from turning to apple sauce.

bee yourself

here's renee zellweger STILL promoting "Bee Movie" somewhere...doesn't she remind out of your geriatric but still fabulously eccentric great aunt stephanie?? always with something interesting on but the hanger it's on is a complete wreck? (look at those legs? there's something wrong there, no? i'm not just imagining things?) all see needs is a little blue eyeshadow and some over-bearing blush! and maybe a big straw hat!

glass is half empty...

"Teens pessimistic about environment"

Only 1 in 10 Canadian teenagers believe environment will improve in next 20 years

ok, that 1-in-10 kid must have been dropped on his or her head as a child...

why are we researching on this???

who cares if teens don't think the environment is going to improve??

i'm pretty sure everyone out there thinks things can only get worse before they get better... a la meteors crashing down from space, a couple millennia of ice ages, everything is born anew, and future inhabitors of earth are finding our SUVs and calling them dinosaurs...

why should be hold out hope for green solutions??? they are just band-aids on gushing head wounds...

i want, i want, I WANT!

moohoohahahahaha!

this is so me!

christmas present idea anyone??

you can see this, and many other interesting things, at rolostore.com

and you thought it was ridiclous before???

remember this and this?

this poor gal has been trying to get her personalized licence plates renewed and it seems to be whipping up quite the shit storm of controversy.

what could this senior citizen, ordained minister have done to so thoroughly piss off some on on the "Personalized Licence Plate Review Committee"? These people seem to be using every and any excuse they can come up with to deny her!

last time, there were complaints of promoting speeding or christianity... this time they're saying the plates with REV JO promote drunk driving! review committee spokesperson bob nichols says, "Rev is an alcoholic cooler-type beverage."

this is flipping retarded! you could come up with a case against every single vanity plate out there! why give this lady such a hard time??

this is our amazing government in action here people! revel in the ridiculousness...

crazy as a loon...

what's good for canadian businesses isn't so nice for canadian consumers...

after being stung in the past by a loonie worth a mere 60 US cents, the canadian shopper are crying foul while the government seems to be doing everything it possibly can to drag the dollar down. for example, overnight the bank of canada lowered interest rates and the dollar went down along with them...

i can understand where the trade industry is coming from... when the dollar is lower, things from canada are cheaper abroad and exports increase... but that's no fun for a shopper like me! i like getting stuff for cheap! when i have to pay nearly double (or more) for things like books in canada, i'm not a happy person. even just normal apparel is noticeably cheaper in the states! with dollar parity, it's actually a deal! before, even if things were cheaper in the states, you had to think about how much it actually cost in canadian dollars!

poo on you bank of canada, poo on you canadian trade. you're raining on the parades of many a border-hopping christmas shopper!

how did HE get HER???

a radiantly preggers cate blanchett takes her troll out on the town for the premiere of some movie in sydney...

ewww...

fill in the blank: cate married this guy because he has a wonderful _________

seriously, he looks rough... cate-y, honey, if you're going to get yourself all gussied up to go out, might want to spend a little time primping your hubby too. polyester suit anyone? and the pen in the breast pocket? classy... that outfit looks like something her great uncle larry would wear at his job as a car salesman!

idiot of the week award...

continuing with my "of the week" theme... here's another great one!

"Driver passes test in Texas, then crashes into wall of building"

dude didn't even make it out of the parking lot after his driving test before getting into an accident!!! here's what i want to know: did they let him keep his licence after the incident or did they revoke it immediately?

misleading headline of the week

"Divorce damages environment, study finds"
Additional households means increased demand for electricity and water, study says

lame, lame, lame... i thought this was going to be more interesting when i read the head line... after reading the byline, i was all like meh... kinda like a lame rollercoaster with an uphill part and then it just levels off...

we needed a study to tell us this?
here's a headline for you: "Useless studies damage brain cells"

too cute!

eeeeee!!! baby hedgehogs!

these poor little dudes have been kelly-rippa-ed by the recent exceptionally mild autumn that has lead to a shortage of their favourite foods - grubs, beetles, slugs, caterpillars, etc.

they can't hibernate because they are nursing broken bones and they need to gain weight!

[source]

costume design

so fergie showed up to some event wearing the following:
i hear what you're saying... very rocker chick, very slayer of the undead...
but the pants have in a bit of a quandary... why? WHY?
perhaps she is venturing into the field of costume design and she's modelling her work to attract the interest of movie makers... these pants would be perfect for the new movie Teeth...
a quick synopsis to make my point? a high school student discovers she has toothed vagina after a violent incident...
those pants would be the perfect muzzle for keeping such a beast under control!

disjoint of the week

cowboys? calendars? breast cancer? morticians?

common thread, we're looking for a common thread here...
stumped? here's the answer you're looking for:

"Cowboy featured in the 2008 Men-of-Mortuaries calendar"

mr. march is a cowboy-hat-wearing mortician in a calendar benefiting breast cancer research...

now does everything make more sense? no? thought not...

gross, gross, gross

i'm not a religious person, and those out there who are, don't think of this as me taking your lord's name in vain but...
JESUS H. F*CKING CHRIST!!!
who would ever think we'd want to see all of heather mills' bits and pieces??? the News of the World is reporting on sir paul mccartney's crazy ex-wife and her sorid porno past... and they have pictures to prove it!!!
eww... her nipple look like they were painted with water colours and then the canvas got wet and the paint bled everywhere! she's not even attractive... i can only imagine that picture would be an errection deterrant! like you know on the viagara warnings where they say to contact a doctor if you're pitching a tent for more than 4 hours? this is the medically approved method to bring than tent crashing down...

the little things...

even wonder why the western world has such a fear of the middle east? (well, beside the apparent american vendetta...) the middle east has islamics... and islamics do things like this over simple "misunderstandings".

"Teacher in teddy case gets 15 days"
British woman in Sudan convicted of insulting Islam after students called toy 'Muhammad'

ok, so sudan is in africa, not the middle east but the gist of my point still stands...

this lady let the kids in the class she was teaching choose the name for a teddy bear. the students picked muhammad, a popular/common name among muslim men. there was speculation that a complaint was put to the government by a "school secretary with a grudge"...

after a full-on criminal trial, the teacher was found guilty of "insulting the faith of Muslims: and sentenced to 15 days in jail. due to the efforts of "delicate diplomatic efforts" by britain and a crack human rights lawyer, this teacher only got a comparative slap on the wrist. prosecutors were calling for a more somber charge - inciting religious hatred. the punishment for that is up to 40 lashes, 6 months in prison, and a hefty fine!

good sweet mike... these people take themselves far to seriously! i could understand if muhammad effigies were being burned or places of worship were being destroyed but this is ludicrous! no one would get in an uproar if someone named a teddy bear buddha or jesus, would they?

night of the living dead!!!

jenna jameson used to be hot, right? somethign about the number 1 rated porn star of all time? the stuff of dreams for men (and possibly women) of all ages?

unfortunatly, now it looks like she got bitten by a zombie and was turned into a member of the army of the undead... when she deflated her boobs, did they accidentally deflate the rest of her as well? believe me when i say there is nothing sexy about ths:

unless you have a thing for corpses... and that's just icky...

night of the living dolls!

don't these little gems look like they'd come alive one night and try to eat your face?

gack... is there nothing this ho won't do for publicity of late? being on dancing with the stars does not constitute a career revival. it merely proves that you were the most notable f-list celebrity that was available.

and about that! how in the hell did she make it to the finals anyway??? i'm not a regular watcher of the show but i did happen to catch one performance and she was atrocious! wah... boo hoo... my son's in rehab... my dad died... i'm putting so much into this i fainted... wah, wah... vote for me! america is so guilble...

ah youth...

ok, i don't really care about the story here... a picture is worh 1000 words.

here's a picture of lindsay lohan and her sister ali, both at age 13

if you think lindsay looks like a retired stripper who spent her off days baking her skin to leather these days, just think what her sister will look like when she turns... whatever age lindsay is now?!? me thinks zee mother is responsible for this... dina lohan is probably trying to make herself younger by sucking the youth/life out of her daughters.