the wittiest brits of all time according to a survey of 3000 comedy fans...
1. Oscar Wilde
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
2. Spike Milligan - Goon Show creator
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
3. Stephen Fry - QI host
"It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue."
4. Jeremy Clarkson - Top Gear host
On Alfa Romeo cars, "You cannot be a true petrol head until you've owned one... it's like having really great sex that leaves you with an embarrassing itch."
5. Sir Winston Churchill
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
6. Paul Merton - Have I got News For You team captain
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
7. Sir Noel Coward - actor, playwright, composer
"I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me."
8. Shakespeare
"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit."
9. Brian Clough, football (soccer for you yanks...) manager
"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball? He might grab mine."
10. Liam Gallagher, Oasis lead singer
"Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don't get it."
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