"Taser to sell MP3/stun gun combo device"
also, for christmas, they're working on a combination semi-automatic handun/vibrator...
did you know that these "personal protector" stun guns have the same shocking power as the police version??? in the wake of some very scary incidents involving police tasers, i'd think if i were this company, i'd be trying to hide under a rock for a little while until people are less wary of tasers...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
sticky situation...
(title was trite... i know but gimmie a break...)"Mexican boy glues hand to bed to avoid going back to school"
and i thought i dreaded going back to the daily grind after christmas vacation!!!
this kid's got moxie... i like him!
unfortunately in the end, this brilliant little mastermind was foiled - "paramedics managed to unstick him in time for class."
gold star!
way to go china! job well done."China bans plastic shopping bags"
China launched a surprise crackdown on plastic bags on Tuesday, banning production of ultra-thin bags and forbidding its supermarkets and shops from handing out free carriers from June 1.
those crafty chinese... instead of subtly hinting that reducing plastic bag use with the surprisingly charismatic gallen weston and offering you a penny back (on your $50 grocery purchase...) when you use eco bags china has out-and-out banned the use of plastic bags!
i'm all hurray for less litter but don't you find there are just some times when you NEED a plastic grocery bag??? carrying muddy shoes, something leaky... and i know it's probably making mountains out of mohills and proving just how lazy i am but don't you find it inconvenient to always have to be carrying that darned bag around with you??? i can't even count the number of times i've gone into a store and left my eco-bag sitting forlorn in the trunk... and it's just so much easier to not save that 1 cent than it is to go all the way back to the car and get it...
icky
"Forecast: Sex and Marriage with Robots by 2050"
i'm sorry... i didn't hear that last bit... i had a bit of CRAZY in my ear!
what? WHAT?!?
listen, this article is quite lengthy and takes itself way too seriously but it's worth a read just to get a feel for the sheer ridiculousness of what these people are proposing... and they DO put forth some interesting things to think about.
in particular, my favourite (well, i'm not sure that's the right word but it'll do...) part is where they're suggesting they give kiddie robots to pedophiles... oh yeah and when they talk about who might most benefit from relationships with robots: people who "have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities"
and OH YEAH! the part where they've actually predicting the first state to legalize human-robot marriage. massachusetts! because they are "more liberal than other jurisdictions [...] and have been at the forefront of same-sex marriage" and because "there's also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT." that's right, the gays and the nerds leading the way...
but if you're not into all that reading, there is a link to a bunch of quizzes starting with one entitled "The Sex Quiz: Myths, Taboos, and Bizarre Facts" but there are also other quizzes you can go through about natural disasters, the human body, and right on down to the titanic. that's how i spent my morning today - expanding my (apparently) pea-sized brain.
i'm sorry... i didn't hear that last bit... i had a bit of CRAZY in my ear!
what? WHAT?!?
listen, this article is quite lengthy and takes itself way too seriously but it's worth a read just to get a feel for the sheer ridiculousness of what these people are proposing... and they DO put forth some interesting things to think about.
in particular, my favourite (well, i'm not sure that's the right word but it'll do...) part is where they're suggesting they give kiddie robots to pedophiles... oh yeah and when they talk about who might most benefit from relationships with robots: people who "have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities"
and OH YEAH! the part where they've actually predicting the first state to legalize human-robot marriage. massachusetts! because they are "more liberal than other jurisdictions [...] and have been at the forefront of same-sex marriage" and because "there's also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT." that's right, the gays and the nerds leading the way...
but if you're not into all that reading, there is a link to a bunch of quizzes starting with one entitled "The Sex Quiz: Myths, Taboos, and Bizarre Facts" but there are also other quizzes you can go through about natural disasters, the human body, and right on down to the titanic. that's how i spent my morning today - expanding my (apparently) pea-sized brain.
Monday, January 7, 2008
this amuses me...
the site is entitled: "New and Improved Stereotypes"
subtitled: "to teach your kids"
a sampling:
Black People Can Extinguish A Fire Just By Dissing It
During the great Chicago fire of 1871, it took nearly 100 men implying the inferno's mother was promiscuous to smother the blaze
Gay People Poop Marshmallows
Which explains why they are always so damned festive
In Canada, The Men Have the Babies
Which makes it the only country where it's customary for a baby shower to include a stripper
slow news day...
can you believe that so far today i've found practically nothing i feel like writing about???
has the world gone completely sane? boy... it's going to get boring!
so as a last resort, i present to you 10 thoughts for 2008 (that sound REALLY similar to the 10 thoughts for 2007 or any other year i can remember for that matter...):
10
life is sexually transmitted.
9
good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8
man has 2 emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7
give a person a fish ans you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks.
6
some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help smiling when you shove them down stairs.
5
health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4
all of us could take a lesson from the weather - it pays no attention to criticism.
3
why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut only saves you 30 cents?
2
in the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
1
we know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease (mad-cow-disease??? this list is even more dated than i first indicated...) is located among the millions of cows in canada but we haven't get a clue where thousands of illegal immigrants (canada? illegal immigrants? that doesn't seem right...) and terrorists are. maybe we should put the department of agriculture in charge of immigration.
has the world gone completely sane? boy... it's going to get boring!
so as a last resort, i present to you 10 thoughts for 2008 (that sound REALLY similar to the 10 thoughts for 2007 or any other year i can remember for that matter...):
10
life is sexually transmitted.
9
good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8
man has 2 emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7
give a person a fish ans you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks.
6
some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help smiling when you shove them down stairs.
5
health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4
all of us could take a lesson from the weather - it pays no attention to criticism.
3
why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut only saves you 30 cents?
2
in the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
1
we know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease (mad-cow-disease??? this list is even more dated than i first indicated...) is located among the millions of cows in canada but we haven't get a clue where thousands of illegal immigrants (canada? illegal immigrants? that doesn't seem right...) and terrorists are. maybe we should put the department of agriculture in charge of immigration.
Friday, January 4, 2008
raising a big stink
pavel kubina (31): hey bitch! you want to score a hat trick?? well here's the price!evgeni malkin: aw man! did you really just fart on me??? my mouth was open and everything!!!
kubina: naw man, i didn't just fart, i gave you a fart hat trick!
malkin: dude, that's just not cool.
that leafs sucked up the place again last night losing 6-2 to the penguins in pittsburgh.
in more titillating news, why not learn a bit more about the noble art of flatulence:
http://lifewise.canoe.ca/Living/2008/01/03/4751044-cp.html
price of gas not a gas to consumers
"Gas retailers feel sting of drivers' outrage"Soaring prices result in more theft at pumps
university of alberta economics professor joseph doucet says, "It's hard for a consumer filling up today to realize or believe that increase isn't related to the global crude price. But it actually isn't." well that all nice and fine for you albertans in you oil-fuelled economy-booming money haze but elsewhere around the counrty, some of us can actually see the dollar signs in the eyes of gas dealers.
it's all very well and good to say that crude oil only accounts for 35-40% of the pump cost but that doesn't stop gas dealers from raising the prices just for kicks when the price of crude oil becomes ridiclous or when a holiday weekend rolls around...
"well duh" headline of the week
"Humans deadly to other species"
New study of mammals shows large animals have been pushed to globe's farthest reaches
well thanks captain obvious...
i really need your new (probably expensive) report to tell me that humans are wiping out other species with wild abandon.
how many more reports do we really need to do to tell us what we already know?
in other road-related bruhaha
"Man using GPS drives into path of train in New York suburb"
le sigh...
technology is obviously not the cure of all that ails the human race. if anything, technology will be our ultimate downfall...
le sigh...
technology is obviously not the cure of all that ails the human race. if anything, technology will be our ultimate downfall...
speeding, it's not just for the kiddies
"Man, 85, charged with street racing"
Police say her drove 161 km/h, is oldest person charged under new road rules
i think the OPP should come up with a different name for this offense... right now, anyone caught driving 50 km/h over the limit can be charged with street racing. but rarely are those who aqre nabbed actually racing - they're just speeding.
i'm down with the licence suspension and car impoundment but when you hear about a soccer mom in a hurry or a "very nice old gentleman" getting charged with street racing, it just sounds ludicrious! call it "speeding in excess" or something... whenever i hear the term "street racing" all i can think about it The Fast and the Furious, or 2 Fast 2 Furious, or The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift which were all completely riduclious movies... let's hope that "street racing" ends up on one of those lists of banned words/phrases...
Police say her drove 161 km/h, is oldest person charged under new road rules
i think the OPP should come up with a different name for this offense... right now, anyone caught driving 50 km/h over the limit can be charged with street racing. but rarely are those who aqre nabbed actually racing - they're just speeding.
i'm down with the licence suspension and car impoundment but when you hear about a soccer mom in a hurry or a "very nice old gentleman" getting charged with street racing, it just sounds ludicrious! call it "speeding in excess" or something... whenever i hear the term "street racing" all i can think about it The Fast and the Furious, or 2 Fast 2 Furious, or The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift which were all completely riduclious movies... let's hope that "street racing" ends up on one of those lists of banned words/phrases...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
find yourself growing a few extra eyes?
now is this really sending the right message to the kids? (won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!?) rewarding fat lazy people for doing what they do best?
to make matters more confused... the event is sponsered by ESPN... shouldn't they be promoting sports and being active? probably not, eh? seeing as they'd rather have you practicing the art of being faineant while being zombie-i-fied by watching their broadcasts...
an ESPN rep claims it'll take "extraordinary mental and physical stamina" to win but that sounds like a publisist spinning things in a good light. i feel fat(ter) and lazy just writing about this... laziness and sports just don't seem to go together... although, ESPN IS trying to convince us that poker is a "sport"...
sure... the winner gets a HDTV and a brand new recliner but if i won, i hardly think i'd be feeling good about myself.
best of the worst
"Reviews provide best lines for worst flicks"
Critics weigh in with pithy prose in skewering the year's biggest bombs
the high (or low?) lights:
Daddy Day Camp
~ "Not quite as funny as a perforated ulcer." (Geoff Pevere, Toronto Star)
The Number 23
~ "An accidental comedy starring a deadly serious Jim Carrey." (New York Times)
The Reaping
~ "Why were they...? Did she...? Couldn't he have just...? Since I have no intention of watching the movie two more times to sort it all out, I'm left disgruntled." (Chicago Sun-Times)
Happily N'Ever After
~ "All it lacks is wit, character and laughs." (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
Critics weigh in with pithy prose in skewering the year's biggest bombs
the high (or low?) lights:
Daddy Day Camp
~ "Not quite as funny as a perforated ulcer." (Geoff Pevere, Toronto Star)
The Number 23
~ "An accidental comedy starring a deadly serious Jim Carrey." (New York Times)
The Reaping
~ "Why were they...? Did she...? Couldn't he have just...? Since I have no intention of watching the movie two more times to sort it all out, I'm left disgruntled." (Chicago Sun-Times)
Happily N'Ever After
~ "All it lacks is wit, character and laughs." (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
svp monsieur, no fags...
"Smoking ban begins in France"starting healthier in 2008... the whole of france has quitting smoking on their lists of new years resolutions.
a ban on smoking in public places went into effect today...
About a quarter of Frances's 60 million people smoke. [...] One in two regular smokers dies of a smoking-related illness here, and about 5,000 non-smokers die each year from secondhand smoke.
welcome to 2008!
merry new year and all that jazz...now that we're all back from holidays, the tedium of work begins anew...
time to get back to blogging!
time to get back to blogging!
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