for the person who LITERALLY has everything

and because, who doesn't need one of these?

World's Most Expensive Beer Comes In Taxidermied Animal Koozies

AWL

AWOL?
no, it's not a typo...
AWL - absent WITH leave.

certain joyus circumstances in my life may prevent me from posting on a regualr basis so you're going to have to entertain yourself for the next little while. apologies.

i would totally read that book!

Since 1982 the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsered the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a whimisical literary competition that challengers entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

2010's grand prize winner was molly ringle from seattle, washington and here is her entry:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a length, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

for the rest of the 2010 contest results, including category winners and runners-up, go HERE

for the historical list of grand prize winners, go HERE

the meal that launched 1000 ships

not that it's ever going to be a decision that i need to make but if i need to choose a last meal, this would have to be it... not just because it'd probably be the tastiest thing ever, but because it would kill me before whatever else was threatening me and causing me to choose a last meal. take that, fate!

In Honor Of The 4th: Pizza, The American Way

getting drunk, martha stewart style

Germantown woman charged in vanilla DUI case

An officer noticed partially empty bottles of vanilla extract, labeled as 35 percent alcohol by volume, and Diet Coke in the front seat, and they said they smelled a strong vanilla odor on the woman's breath. A grocery receipt found in the vehicle listed two 8-once bottles of vanilla extract, purchased Wednesday.

also, isn't her mug shot just one of the greatest things ever?

hey, if they put poker on ESPN, ANYTHING can be called a sport

Controversy erupts at annual hotdog eating championship

The 32-year-old Kobayashi did not eat this ear because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating -- the fast food equivalent of the NFL. On his Japanese-language blog, he said he wanted to be free to compete in contests sanctioned by other groups.

major league eating?
seriously?
they have their own professional association?
yes, yes they do.
http://www.ifoce.com/index.php
AND they're humourously sponsored by pepto-bismol!

anyway, this kobayashi guy ("the tsunami") is the japanese champion and he didn't compete this year's coney island contest but he was in the crowd... after joey "jaws" chestnut won the competition by cramming down 54 hotdogs in 10 minutes, kobayashi slipped past security and onto the stage. security attempted to remove him but he was in a "hell no, i won't go" kind of mood and that landed him in jail being charged with resisting arrest, trespass and obstructing governmental administration.

anyway you look at it, it is definitely more exciting than golf.