word of the day - dec 23 09

clinquant
adjective

1. glittering with gold or silver; tinseled.
2. tinsel; imitation gold leaf.

no. worng. go back. un-see. delete.

i've sat idly by before as shitty remakes have been made and made but i will not stand for this! notwithstanding the fact that this abomination has already been made by virtue of it having a trailer and my irrational non-dislike for jackie chan, i am going to go ahead and give this my extreme disapproval!

unlikely headline of the day: snoop dogg and martha make brownies

i guess martha learned a lil something special from her time in the slammer... i wonder what else she and snoop have in common???

i knew it!

word of the day - dec 18 09

truckle
intransitive verb
1. to yield or bend obsequiously to the will of another; to act in a subservient manner.
2. a small wheel or roller; a caster.

bonus word of the day
obsequious
adjective
1. characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning: an obsequious bow.
2. servilely compliant or deferential: obsequious servants.
3. obedient; dutiful.

bonus BONUS word of the day
complaisant
adjective
inclined or disposed to please; obliging; agreeable or gracious; compliant: the most complaisant child i've ever met.

don't skimp on your toiletries

so in case you've got a special woman in your life that you need last minute gift ideas for AND you have more money than brains, here's a special little stocking stuffer from sephora for you:nothing quite says, "this christmas, that uni-brow has got to go!" like ridiculously expensive tweezers! and hey, what girl doesn't want blinged out tweezers? what's that you say? no girl? ok then i guess a more pertinent question would be: what girl does want blinged out tweezers? obviously one with less brains than you and your undeserved amounts of money.

liam neeson looks ridiculous in a beard

and for some reason, i can't change how wide it wants to make the movie box... at least that's how it's showing up in my browser. if you're having issues, go and take a gander over here: Clash of the Titans

word of the day - dec 16 09

affable
adjective
1. easy to speak to; receiving others kindly and conversing with them in a free and friendly manner.
2. gracious; benign.

word of the day - dec 15 09

recalcitrant
adjective
stubbornly resistant to and defiant of authority or restraint.

it's beginning to look at lot like chirstmas depressing...

what is with all the dismal weather?
it's not very cheery at all...
it's hard enough to go along with all the holiday season joy and crap without the weather putting an added downer on everything. grey skies, rain... it's like the longest, dreariest autumn you could have ever imagined.
here's me hoping for enough snow over an evening to close the city the next day and sparkly sunshine on that free vacation day! that would really get me ready for the big day... which, in case you haven't been watching your calendars with dread, is only 10 DAYS AWAY!

beer: the drink of intellectuals

buffalo theory
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that [...] is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

everything's better when it is MEGA sized!

now if one were to make a plan for ensuring coronary heart failure by the age of 8-and-a-half, i would recommend eating at least one of these every day:now you're probably thinking that you're not 8-and-a-half anymore and you'd like to get your coronary heart failure plan back on track as soon as possible. so here's the recipe for your daily scotch MEGAegg:
20 hard-boiled eggs wrapped in bacon and covered in sausage meat and breading, baked whole.

bah dah bup bup bah... i'm lovin' it!

science up your breakfast

because we can all agree that breakfast is the most boring meal of the day (unfertilized chicken butt orbs? sounds yummy...) here's a way to simultaneously make things a little more interesting and possibly disrupt the time-space continuum using math:

"Scientific!: How To Cut A Mobius Strip Bagel"

word of the day - dec 9 09

fatuous
adjective
1. inanely foolish and unintelligent; stupid.
2. illusory; delusive.

as in, it was fatuous to drive through snowmaggedon to come and twiddle my thumbs at work all day.

cow lick: no longer just a hair styling oddity

"Cows lick, damage man's house"
Home's tastiness a mystery

ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - A man's homeowners insurance apparently doesn't cover "acts of cow."

Jerry Lynn Davis called the Hawkins County Sheriff's office in Tennessee on Thursday, complaining that a neighbour's cows had been licking his house. In the process, Davis says the curious bovines did about $100 in damage by ripping off a screen window, cracking the glass and pulling down a gutter.

The Kingsport Times-News reports that Davis' home is next to a fence enclosing the cows' pasture. They managed to poke their heads through to lick the house, though a deputy's report did not indicate what made the house so tasty.

Deputy Chris Funk was able to contact the cows' owner, who said he'd take care of the problem.

understatement of the winter season

hampers the commute, does it?
how about effs it up beyond imagination?
yeah, that sound a little better.
and i don't know what city these newsy-type people were watching but it certain wasn't the GTA because there was definitely no 'lack of snow'... and the worst part is that WE KNEW IT WAS COMING! the weather people have been warning us about the first snowmageddon of the season since the weekend. 2 days of advanced warning and still no one was prepared!
eff that noise.
eff.
that.
noise.

word of the day - dec 7 09

nonplus
transitive verb
to cause to be at a loss as to what to think, say, or do; to confound; to perplex; to bewilder.

helpful testing advice

for more on google wave, go here: http://wave.google.com/help/wave/about.html

priority seating

similar to this piece of internet flotsam, this is an actual picture from the weezer concert on saturday night in toronto before all the unpleasant bus crashing:an actual text from the cute girl (hi sis! don't smite me from afar for posting a picture of you on the internets!) in the plaid shirt:

"His bum is definitely on part ofwmy seat"

word of the day - dec 4 09

gallimaufry
noun
a hodgepodge; jumble; confused medley.

word of the day - dec 3 09

affable
adjective
1. easy to speak to; receiving others kindly and conversing with them in a free and friendly manner.
2. gracious; benign.

ooo, piece of candy! ooo, piece of candy!

because i own a vast collection of purses/handbags, i try to work a rotation that allows me to use them all. this week i changed purses to my big red betseyville. while searching out my lip balm, i happened upon a half dozen loose gobstoppers... now the question is, do i eat them??

the definition of sad...

i've come to the conclusion that this twilight craziness is like a really strong undertow. once you're caught, there's no getting away. some people are strong enough to fight the current and keep their heads above water... but then there are those who's grasp of reality is so weak that they get sucked right down to the very bottom and drown.

shit like this makes me want to have nothing to do with the twilight phenomenon...

similar to FML, welcome to the sad, sad world of MLIT - my life is twilight. instead of saying how much their lives suck, they squeal about how much their life is like twilight... which is essentially the same as saying how much their lives suck.

here are some examples of worst drowners who really should have ended with MLISS - my life is so sad:

"Today, I decided that it is better to be single for the rest of my life than to settle for someone who is not Edward or Jacob. I'm happy with my decision. MLIT"

"Today I was a little upset. My mom keeps telling me that Edward isn't real and it was really freaking me out. What did I do? I ran straight to my room and sat next to my card board cut out of Edward and reread my favourite parts of the books. I feel so much better now! MLIT"

"Today, My mom was talking to me about marriage and I just screamed and said "I'm not getting married to anybody thats not Edward" and then she proceed to say that he doesn't exist and all i screamed was "Yes he does". MLIT"

there are SO MANY more up there that are equally sad if not more so but i was on the verge of being physically sick with embarrassment for these people that i had to stop. but not before i came to the conclusion that boyfriends/husbands that indulge their significant others' resignation from reality should be publicly castrated...

"The other day, I was laying down with my boyfriend. He put his cold feet against me and asked if he felt like Edward. I said yes. He then put his warm hands on my face and asked if I felt like Jacob. I also said yes. I have the best of both worlds. MLIT"

"My Twilight obsession has rubbed off on my husband. After taking me to the midnight showing of New Moon, he told me that if I bought him a t-shirt with "Got Bella?" on it he'd wear it to see Eclipse in June. The next morning, he told me he had a dream that he was a vampire. He's sooo my Edward!!! MLIT"

if you're caught in the current but staying above water like myself (am i ever mortified to admit that!) just keep swimming. the tide will pass and we'll make it back to the sunny shores of reality eventually. either that or an island of the bloated corpses of those who drowned will form beneath our feet and we'll be saved!

word of the day - dec 1 09

moiety
noun
1. one of two equal parts; a half.
2. an indefinite partl a small portion or share.
3. one of two basic tribal subdivisions.

rock-bottom pricing

an e-mail conversation for your enjoyment:

"We also had dinner [at Ikea]. I slipped on butter that was smeared all over the floor and sent the tray with mine and Alyssa’s dinner flying. I’m going to have a huge bruise on my knee! Alyssa was having the $1.99 penne but when we went to get our meals replaced they were out of pasta so she ended up getting salmon instead… With no extra cost! So I guess losing some of my dignity was worth cheap salmon."

"lol at least you're okay, sorry i missed it.
how is dinner there, i've only ever been for breakfast..."

"The day's last penne was dry and chewy. Alyssa's salmon was well done. Much better than the penne, and worth considering even thought it costs $3.50 more."

"There you go everyone, my dignity costs $3.50!"

"Correction: $5 (the salmon is quite expensive for Ikea)"