thoughts...

my soul is just like totally crushed that today is thursday and not friday... especially since it's thrusday afternoon and NOT friday afternoon...
how wonderful is a friday afternoon?

the fun police, out in full force

"Mom hoppin' mad over book"

Happy Bunny 'disturbing' she tells publisher

pullleeeezeee...

most if not ALL of the happy bunny sayings could be used in retort to this prude.

the most offensive one (so claims this fuckwad of a mother) goes like this: "Let's be friends. We'll be the kind of friends who throw up a little every time we see each other."

i don't know if it's just me but i don't find anything wrong with happy bunny's litany of fun phrases...

some parents just try to shelter their kids too much and the only thing they're going to end up doing in making sure their kids have mental health issues that will later most likely require a therapist. it's a big bad worls out there and keeping a kid under a rock for its young years and then dumping it out naked and vulnerable into said world when it tuns 18 is just trouble.

letdowns...

"Arrest warrant issued for Guy Lafleur"

the story following that headline is much less interesting than advertized...

popularity contest

i don't get it, i don't get it, I DON'T GET IT!

an open letter

dear whoever in the office is a pussy and smoking in the stairwell,

you stink! literally... i am physically bowled over by the stench everytime i come into my office area or when i (heaven forbid) have to use the stairs.

i understand that it might be a little chilly for your delicate old man nipples (a totally blanket statement since there is only me and old men working at my office) but are we in high school for f*ck's sake? didn't think so.

so please, suck it up and contract lung cancer outdoor.

love & kisses,
jenn

bitch ahoy!

the more i hear about jessica alba being a total bitch to not only the paparazzi but just plain old everyday people in general, the more i hate her. she's always looking like a grouchy bitch unless she's actually "working" and then it's all smiles and cutesy waves.
here she is on TRL the other day looking that she can't raise her arms... you just know she's thinking are we done taking the damn picture yet? my face hurts!

i know she's knocked up and everything but that's not excuse to go around looking like a infinitely more beloved storybook character.

slow news day...

so i'm feeling a little uninspired for writing today...
it may also have to do with the fact that every single program i was running on my computer decided to spontaneously and untitedly ALL CLOSE at the same time! that included however million zillion internet browsers i had open and was reading stories in. upon trying to re-find said stories, internet explorer decided it was taking a sick day and promptly it informed me it was going away... frustration set in and i was no longer interested in all those stories i was this morning. now i'm busily creating art using pilfered office supplies... productive? i think so.

thoughts...

does eating an entire container of tic tacs count as a meal?

how do you classify something as an "orange mint" without the entire world imploding?

am i crazy?

is it wrong that i like these boots?
can they even be classified as boots?
is it also wrong that my love of the boots distracts from the horror of my scrunchie from 4th grade coming to life (with the aid of monstrous growth inciting toxic waste) and trying to eat ms. sjp?

thoughts...

does anyone else find it frustratingly charming when someone (to put it in terms the youth will understand) "raises the roof" in their car when they think no one is looking...

and you know they are listening to exactly the same radio station as you because you just did a mental "raise the roof" because you know exactly how ridiculous you'd look if you made the gesture for real... (and your in an area where if you are me and you did as such, there is a very real possibility of getting shot because it may or may not have been some sort of gang signal...) also, and possibly most importantly, you don't want to be charming the shit out of random strangers who stalk others from their car...

multifunctional!

for those times when you need to be eating and writing at the same time...
like when you slept in on the day of your very important exam and you NEED a balanced brekkie before your brain will fully function... but there's no time for eating! you can eat whilst bumbling through the first part of your exam.

[source]

odd laws

did you know that in 1934 the state of virginia officially banned the mixing of wine or beer with spirits?

[source]

long beautiful hair

"Brazil bandits cut off woman's hair with machete"

oh her way to CHURCH!
is nothing sacred anymore??
she should "praise god" that they only got her hair and not, say, a piece of her skull...

making good use of the postal system...

go here.
just read it... it's funny.
remember what you've learned when you're tyring to come up with a christmas present for me next year...

sexy...?

the uk sun is always fantastic for "interesting" stories...
full of outlandish kitchy stuff you'd never find in any self-respecting canadian paper... even the toronto sun... well, maybe the toronto sun.
here's another gem:

"We're the sexy strip-o-GRANS"

this is one of those did not need to see thingys so i'm leaving you to your own devices if you want to go and look at the pictures... it's not raunchy... they used relatively "tasteful" pictures but the story describes much more... beware if you've just eaten.

i'm all for the "big girls, they are beautiful" stuff... if you've got the confidence to flaunt what you've got then more power to you. but in today's society where looks are everything, excuse all of those who flinch (and by flinch i mean vomit a little in our mouths) when you sashay on by.

wolf in sheep's clothing

more like man in woman's clothing...
good sweet mike, could hilary swank be anymore unattractive?

i'm at a loss for why she is so popular... so fine, maybe she's a good actor... but in any other role than Boys Don't Cry it's a little hard to stomach.

prize-fighting boxer? maybe.

P.S. I Love You?? please... she's far too butch for the romantic comedy roles. no one wants to see a guy with horse teeth giggle like a little school girl and fall in love... well, maybe some people do but i assure you that is a very select few.

[source]

obsession...

Betsey Johnson
Betseyville handbag collection

i'm so weak...
for all you gambling folks out there, i'm giving odds on me having the entire collection in my living room sprinkled with the remains of my chopped up credit card...

kicking the bucket all the way thru hollywood

"Heath Ledger, 28: 'Brokeback Mountain' star"

wow... i mean, just... wow.
i couldn't believe this story no matter how many times i read/watched it last night... it can't be real, it can't be real...
i guess it's so shocking and unexpected because he hid his problems away from the public eye.
so sad, so tragic...
even my mother was phased... she kept going on and on about how he was "only a couple of years older then you guys" and "he was only 28!"

last week, another of young hollywood also died... brad renfro was only 25!
asswads over at E! News were doing an obit story for him and they had his name as "brad redfro" geezes... the guy is dead and you can't even get his name right? disrespect...

idiotic buffoonery!

"'Pair of fools' jailed in bungled burglary in Australia"

folks in hazzard county ain't ne'er seen anything as strange as this... even those duke boys steer clear of this much trouble!

so dumb and dumber go to rob a resturaunt... instead of grabbing the cash, they grab a sack of bread rolls that they thought was the money. adding insult to injury (stupidity to more stupidity), during the getaway (instead of driving the vespa... matt good? anyone?) one accidentally shoots the other in the ass!

so instead of winning a nobel peace prize, these two end up in jail for 7 and 8 years.

important science...

Governmentium

A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neurons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to ac Critical Morass.

stupid nutter-fuck!

so i was trundling my way to work this morning in the behemoth i'll call the "family vehicle"...

after superficially checking the lane next to me, i go to move into the left hand lane so faster traffic could get around me and i hear frantic honking coming from my blind spot accompanied from the loudest grasping of the armrests i have ever heard coming from my passenger...

turns out, some stupid jackass had been kiting along in my blind spot like an ignorant lemur (don't even ask what i think that means...) and now that i've invaded his personal space, the lemur is pissed.

understandably, if i were forced to partially shift position in my lane by a tank i'd be annoyed... but there's nothing to be terribly upset about. no one got hurt, no one's "compensation device" got scratched... we're all still merrily (but a tad less so) on our way to work. incident over.

wrong-o! cockface then decides to pull in behind me, still honking like a rabid goose, and start high-beaming me. yeah, that's good... be reactive about the situation. it's sure going to help me to not run into your car 5 minutes ago.

AND THEN (yes, there's more) when we get to a red light he goes out of his way to pull into the left turn lane beside me and yells at me through both of our rolled up windows. oh what's that? you have a small penis and your boyfriend would rather fuck a donkey with one ball? i'm sorry, i can't hear you very well... i'm being distracted by this little bird!

buddy, get a life... and possibly some genital enhancement.

RIP britney...

just in case...

people are reporting that the associated press has britney spears' obit all ready to go just in case the worst should happen in the near future...

AP entertainment editor jesse washington has this to say: "I think one would agree that Britney seems at risk right now. Of course, we would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hot that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now..."

riiight... in 50 years, do you really still think we'll care about britney spears?? she's going to run out of crazy attention-grabbing schemes eventually and then the press will have no use for her.

i wonder if they also have amy winehouse's RIP notice on hand... just in case...

momma's boy

"Why men hate to buy underwear"
Most guys wear their shorts until they're full of holes. Now, a revolution of cheeky prints aims to separate men from their decrepit drawers

would you really wear a pair of underwear until they literally disintegrated off your body unless someone bought new ones for you??? that's icky... i care not for the "comfort factor" or "if they ain't broke..." - they're gross, they've got holes, they most assuredly are broke.

i love me a brand new pair of underwear... the elastic is all nice, the bum (thongs not included) is all non-saggy... i understand that women's underwear is much more exciting than men's but that's no reason to let things get that bad. and just white? what's with that? *yawn*

long story short: please, please, PLEASE don't let your underwear get into a state of, shall we say, disreapir. hole? toss 'em. saggy? toss 'em. (ugh) stains? toss 'em. older than 2 years? toss 'em.

come on now... it's not like it's a HUGE investment. it's just a couple of pairs of underwear. god forbid you have to buy anything as tricky as socks... (just in case you're wondering, the "toss 'em" underwear rules can also be applied to socks!)

all work and no play...

so you remember those wicked cold days last week? those days when you had nothing new to read here? well... i was out in the field (like out OUT in the field, as in outdoors!) surveying for some upcoming projects here at work. well as it turns out, actually doing work is detrimental to my procrastinating doing work... so my posts have been a tad sparse of late. apologies. a whole 2 people inconvenienced and bored stupid... and believe me, it weighs heavy on my conscious. i'm imagining ME being one of those people and in my imagination i'm pissed.

so don't worry... hopefully this week i'll be much more adept at crushing your boredom like a pole dancer can crush a watermelon with her thighs... unless of couse i get more of this "work" nonsense... let's all cross our fingers and pray that doesn't happen!

and now, just for fun, here's a baby hippo:

money-grubbing bastards!

ass-wads of the world... hasbro and mattel want to take down scrabulous on facebook!

WHY? why i ask you?!?

just let people entertain themselves!

boardgame corporations, what is up with you?

wasn't your bastardization of monopoly enough?!?

and you, haters of facebook (possibly because you have no friends to add?), what is UP with you???

i understand that some people seem to have an unhealthy addiction to facebook but don't go off on all facebook users like that! some of us manage to use it casually for keeping friends and family updated on our life's happenings... oh yeah, and playing scrabulous. is it my fault that my mother's favourite game is scrabble and that sitting down to an actual game of scrabble is a lengthy procedure??? geezes... get down off your high horse!

on the scene

a visit to a site entitled "how to dress emo" lead me to another BETTER site!

yourscenesucks.com

while the premise is good (making fun various and assorted "lifestyles"), the premise is also a bid sad - making fun (and boy howdy!) of those who are different. at least these "scenesters" are carving out some sort of identity... instead of wallowing through young life clad in what amounts to sandwich boards advertising for aeropostal, american eagle, ambercrombie or what have you...

here's the "williamsburg hipster" showing off some of my fashion pet peeves like (ugh!) leaggings and inappropriately placed belts...

life in the ol' girl yet!

don't get too excited but the leafs actually managed to squeak out a win last night at the ACC against carolina and their back-up goalie...

perhaps it was all the uproar in leaf-nation about how horribly they've been playing or perhaps is was getting back to home turf after and lengthy holiday road trip but whatever it was, the leafs managed to pull it together just enough to hold off the 'canes.

but that doesn't mean anything has improved... the leafs still don't seem able to put in a good 60 minute effort. i tell ya, if games were 50 minutes long instead of 60, the blue & white would be at the top of the league.

i'm still not putting any money on them for next game...

sad, sad, sad... i used to eat dinner in a separate room from my family in order to watch the leafs in action but now when i see a headline about a win/loss i'm all like "did they play last night? oh, that's interesting..." and i'm not just blaming the poor season for that... i put the blame solely on leafsTV and the whole MLSE money-making machine. greedy bastards.

distasteful? probably...

"Brad Renfro, 25: Former child actor"

instead of the first thought entering my mind being "aww... how tragic!" that first thing i thought was "isn't he already dead?"

and then with morbid fascination, i HAD to go find out which other dead young actor i was thinking about. turns out it was jonathan brandis of seaquest fame... he died in late 2003... curiously, he had 3 movies come out after his death, the last one being in 2005! strange...

that was it... nothing particularly interesting... just thought i'd note the passing of a former teen heartthrob. rest in peace.

seeing double?

HA!

apparently the new york post has hired themselves a jessica simpson to heckle tony romo and the dallas cowboys!

lame, lame, lame, lame, LAME...
but it WORKED!
the ny giants squashed the cowboys 21-17.
jessica simpson IS a jinx!
imagine that...

having a heart-to-heart...

"Scientists revive dead heart"

'Bioartificial' organ grown from new injected cells hailed by researchers as future hope for humans

this is pretty interesting and definitely worth a read...

blah, blah, blah... ethical controversy... whatever.

i will call him squiggles!

hee hee...
say hello to louis the octopus an his beloved mr. potato head!

he got it for christmas and now he won't let it go!

let's get physical... physical... pyhsical...

this is exactly what we don't need...

"Get fit and in fashion"
We ask several fitness professionals around town to recommend one fashionable item to start your quest to look your best and achieve a fitter, better, healthier body

i didn't even have to read the article... my eye got all twitchy just reading the title...
just what every woman needs - being insecure about what she's wearing when she's going to the gym to work on her other insecurities... so you're not only expected to have the perfect body, you're expected to have to perfect clothes to wear while getting said body.

getting fit isn't about being glamourous... i this probably sound pretty hypicritical coming from someone who just made of will a fool's fortune in lululemon gear but let me assure you, that was for lounging purposes only! i'm not about to get sweat (ick!) all over those expensive butt-lifters! when(if?) i head out to the gym, rest assured, i'm wearing my least attractive sweats and a t-shirt that says something like "i'm working on my 6 pack (of beer!)" or "bite me"

it's the gym for crying out loud! i know clinton & stacey (you KNOW who i'm talking about...) would have you wearing an evening gown or a tux wherever you go but IT'S THE GYM! when you come out, you're not going to be anywhere near as pretty as when you went in... but by all means, do wear your bestest work-out clothes ever! they'll go perfect with the sweat rolling off your elbows and your straggly-ass hair.

not helpful...

"Economist predicts $1.50 a litre for gasoline"
CIBC's Jeff Rubin says crude will hit $150 U.S. a barrel within 4 years

thanks, jeff rubin... you've just officially allowed gas stations to post gas prices up to and including $1.50/litre... i don't care if you predicted it for 4 years from now, i don't even care if you predicted it 100 years from now... now that you've gone ahead and said it out loud, gas companies have little dollar signs flashing in their eyes! they're thinking $1.50 per litre? now why didn't i think of that?!? that's an excellent idea!!!

on top of the world

"Sir Edmund Hillary, 88: Adventurer conquered Everset"
Legendary mountaineer also stood tall as a humble philanthropist who built schools, clinics in Nepal

going to the other place in the sky...

rest in peace.

from the annals of the opulent

presenting the showcase of the 41st annual consumer electronics show...

panasonic's new 150-inch plasma tv!

now who really needs a tv that big? my laptop screen is bigger than the screen on the tv i own!

isn't this the age of making everything smaller and smaller??? microchips, nanochips, chips that'll fit on the head of the pin and hole a billion million songs? is this the dawn of a new age of making things gargantuan??

well gosh darn it betty-sue!

"Kansas town fires police chief who stole beer from firefighters"

in more news from hick-ville, becky-lou gave birth to her very own sister!

clown car?

"India's Tata Motors unveils $2,500 car"
India's Tata Motors on Thursday unveiled the world's cheapest car, bringing new mobility within the reach of tens of millions of people and nightmares to environmentalists, traffic engineers and safety advocates.

while this idea doesn't seem to be going over too well... tata motors does have another concept car that is quite interesting... the air car! the world's first commercial air-powered vehicle!

it's a relatively whopping $12,700 (5 nanos!!!) but it only take a couple minutes and $2 to fuel up at special compressor units or it can be electically powered in 4 hours by plugging in. top speed of 68 mph and a range of 125 miles. and curiously has an "all glue construction"... don't know what that means but it sounds shady...

not feeling the working thing...

so not only is there practically nothing to write about today, i'm also feeling like a basket of snotty tissues... or maybe like i rolled around in the bottom of a basket of snotty tissues yesterday and today i'm just sick. i'm telling people it feel like a swallowed healthy portion of powdered glass... really, think about it... that's how my throat feels. and in sympathy, my head has decided to go on strike as well. i think it's be good if i just went home and made a fort out of my bed for the next 12-24 hours. but NOOOO... i'm desperately needed here at work for some reason i haven't quite figured out yet. what's the point in telling me i'm needed here and ensuring i have no other work to do and even threatening weekend work if i'm going to get here at the appointed time and the work-hander-outer doesn't even arrive for another hour and then i don't get any work until at least another hour after that??? and the given work come in short 5-second blasts every hour or so? hardly pressing... why don't you just call me when you're all done and then give it to me - that way i could do it all in 5 minutes instead of agonizingly spreading it out over a whole perfectly good day that could be spent defending my fort from attacking cowboys/indians... geezes...

anyway... this is all for today...
if you want something to keep you occupied go to dooce.com and read this lady's monthly newsletter to her daughter... i'm reading backwards through them and it really makes me want to have kids... like RIGHT NOW! my mom keeps saying now's not the time but i reeeeaaallllyyy want one! i promise to feed it and take it for a walk everyday!!

eww? ouch!

seriously? people do this? maybe even get paid to do this? well, here goes...
some "artist" out there has spelled out the letters of the alphabet using skin and clothespins...

when i watched it the first time it was disturbingly interested... but as i was writing this, it was scrolling through the pictures in the background and it totally eep-ed me out... my fun (is that the right word? probably not) was trying to figure out where on the body they were clipped.

and they totally blew the right to add the phrase "no yetis were harmed in the making of this art project"

introducing the iTASE

"Taser to sell MP3/stun gun combo device"

also, for christmas, they're working on a combination semi-automatic handun/vibrator...

did you know that these "personal protector" stun guns have the same shocking power as the police version??? in the wake of some very scary incidents involving police tasers, i'd think if i were this company, i'd be trying to hide under a rock for a little while until people are less wary of tasers...

sticky situation...

(title was trite... i know but gimmie a break...)

"Mexican boy glues hand to bed to avoid going back to school"

and i thought i dreaded going back to the daily grind after christmas vacation!!!
this kid's got moxie... i like him!

unfortunately in the end, this brilliant little mastermind was foiled - "paramedics managed to unstick him in time for class."

gold star!

way to go china! job well done.

"China bans plastic shopping bags"
China launched a surprise crackdown on plastic bags on Tuesday, banning production of ultra-thin bags and forbidding its supermarkets and shops from handing out free carriers from June 1.

those crafty chinese... instead of subtly hinting that reducing plastic bag use with the surprisingly charismatic gallen weston and offering you a penny back (on your $50 grocery purchase...) when you use eco bags china has out-and-out banned the use of plastic bags!

i'm all hurray for less litter but don't you find there are just some times when you NEED a plastic grocery bag??? carrying muddy shoes, something leaky... and i know it's probably making mountains out of mohills and proving just how lazy i am but don't you find it inconvenient to always have to be carrying that darned bag around with you??? i can't even count the number of times i've gone into a store and left my eco-bag sitting forlorn in the trunk... and it's just so much easier to not save that 1 cent than it is to go all the way back to the car and get it...

icky

"Forecast: Sex and Marriage with Robots by 2050"

i'm sorry... i didn't hear that last bit... i had a bit of CRAZY in my ear!
what? WHAT?!?

listen, this article is quite lengthy and takes itself way too seriously but it's worth a read just to get a feel for the sheer ridiculousness of what these people are proposing... and they DO put forth some interesting things to think about.

in particular, my favourite (well, i'm not sure that's the right word but it'll do...) part is where they're suggesting they give kiddie robots to pedophiles... oh yeah and when they talk about who might most benefit from relationships with robots: people who "have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities"

and OH YEAH! the part where they've actually predicting the first state to legalize human-robot marriage. massachusetts! because they are "more liberal than other jurisdictions [...] and have been at the forefront of same-sex marriage" and because "there's also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT." that's right, the gays and the nerds leading the way...

but if you're not into all that reading, there is a link to a bunch of quizzes starting with one entitled "The Sex Quiz: Myths, Taboos, and Bizarre Facts" but there are also other quizzes you can go through about natural disasters, the human body, and right on down to the titanic. that's how i spent my morning today - expanding my (apparently) pea-sized brain.

this amuses me...

the site is entitled: "New and Improved Stereotypes"

subtitled: "to teach your kids"

a sampling:

Black People Can Extinguish A Fire Just By Dissing It

During the great Chicago fire of 1871, it took nearly 100 men implying the inferno's mother was promiscuous to smother the blaze

Gay People Poop Marshmallows

Which explains why they are always so damned festive

In Canada, The Men Have the Babies

Which makes it the only country where it's customary for a baby shower to include a stripper

slow news day...

can you believe that so far today i've found practically nothing i feel like writing about???
has the world gone completely sane? boy... it's going to get boring!

so as a last resort, i present to you 10 thoughts for 2008 (that sound REALLY similar to the 10 thoughts for 2007 or any other year i can remember for that matter...):

10
life is sexually transmitted.

9
good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8
man has 2 emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7
give a person a fish ans you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

6
some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help smiling when you shove them down stairs.

5
health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4
all of us could take a lesson from the weather - it pays no attention to criticism.

3
why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut only saves you 30 cents?

2
in the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.

1
we know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease (mad-cow-disease??? this list is even more dated than i first indicated...) is located among the millions of cows in canada but we haven't get a clue where thousands of illegal immigrants (canada? illegal immigrants? that doesn't seem right...) and terrorists are. maybe we should put the department of agriculture in charge of immigration.

raising a big stink

pavel kubina (31): hey bitch! you want to score a hat trick?? well here's the price!
evgeni malkin: aw man! did you really just fart on me??? my mouth was open and everything!!!
kubina: naw man, i didn't just fart, i gave you a fart hat trick!
malkin: dude, that's just not cool.

that leafs sucked up the place again last night losing 6-2 to the penguins in pittsburgh.
in more titillating news, why not learn a bit more about the noble art of flatulence:
http://lifewise.canoe.ca/Living/2008/01/03/4751044-cp.html

price of gas not a gas to consumers

"Gas retailers feel sting of drivers' outrage"
Soaring prices result in more theft at pumps

university of alberta economics professor joseph doucet says, "It's hard for a consumer filling up today to realize or believe that increase isn't related to the global crude price. But it actually isn't." well that all nice and fine for you albertans in you oil-fuelled economy-booming money haze but elsewhere around the counrty, some of us can actually see the dollar signs in the eyes of gas dealers.

it's all very well and good to say that crude oil only accounts for 35-40% of the pump cost but that doesn't stop gas dealers from raising the prices just for kicks when the price of crude oil becomes ridiclous or when a holiday weekend rolls around...

"well duh" headline of the week

"Humans deadly to other species"

New study of mammals shows large animals have been pushed to globe's farthest reaches

well thanks captain obvious...

i really need your new (probably expensive) report to tell me that humans are wiping out other species with wild abandon.

how many more reports do we really need to do to tell us what we already know?

in other road-related bruhaha

"Man using GPS drives into path of train in New York suburb"

le sigh...

technology is obviously not the cure of all that ails the human race. if anything, technology will be our ultimate downfall...

speeding, it's not just for the kiddies

"Man, 85, charged with street racing"
Police say her drove 161 km/h, is oldest person charged under new road rules

i think the OPP should come up with a different name for this offense... right now, anyone caught driving 50 km/h over the limit can be charged with street racing. but rarely are those who aqre nabbed actually racing - they're just speeding.

i'm down with the licence suspension and car impoundment but when you hear about a soccer mom in a hurry or a "very nice old gentleman" getting charged with street racing, it just sounds ludicrious! call it "speeding in excess" or something... whenever i hear the term "street racing" all i can think about it The Fast and the Furious, or 2 Fast 2 Furious, or The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift which were all completely riduclious movies... let's hope that "street racing" ends up on one of those lists of banned words/phrases...

find yourself growing a few extra eyes?

"4 compete in New York contest for title of world's greatest couch potato"

now is this really sending the right message to the kids? (won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!?) rewarding fat lazy people for doing what they do best?

to make matters more confused... the event is sponsered by ESPN... shouldn't they be promoting sports and being active? probably not, eh? seeing as they'd rather have you practicing the art of being faineant while being zombie-i-fied by watching their broadcasts...

an ESPN rep claims it'll take "extraordinary mental and physical stamina" to win but that sounds like a publisist spinning things in a good light. i feel fat(ter) and lazy just writing about this... laziness and sports just don't seem to go together... although, ESPN IS trying to convince us that poker is a "sport"...

sure... the winner gets a HDTV and a brand new recliner but if i won, i hardly think i'd be feeling good about myself.

best of the worst

"Reviews provide best lines for worst flicks"
Critics weigh in with pithy prose in skewering the year's biggest bombs

the high (or low?) lights:

Daddy Day Camp
~ "Not quite as funny as a perforated ulcer." (Geoff Pevere, Toronto Star)

The Number 23
~ "An accidental comedy starring a deadly serious Jim Carrey." (New York Times)

The Reaping
~ "Why were they...? Did she...? Couldn't he have just...? Since I have no intention of watching the movie two more times to sort it all out, I'm left disgruntled." (Chicago Sun-Times)

Happily N'Ever After
~ "All it lacks is wit, character and laughs." (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

svp monsieur, no fags...

"Smoking ban begins in France"

starting healthier in 2008... the whole of france has quitting smoking on their lists of new years resolutions.

a ban on smoking in public places went into effect today...

About a quarter of Frances's 60 million people smoke. [...] One in two regular smokers dies of a smoking-related illness here, and about 5,000 non-smokers die each year from secondhand smoke.

welcome to 2008!

merry new year and all that jazz...

now that we're all back from holidays, the tedium of work begins anew...
time to get back to blogging!