"Rock stars courted for curling reality show"
Bon Jovi, Springsteen, said to be closet curlers, courted for NBC series that could lead to the Olympics
geezes... curling is nearly as bad as golfing!
even is bon jovi is on this piece-o-crap, it's going to fail and fail miserably...
Monday, February 11, 2008
bang for your buck
"Gun-shaped bottle causes stir"
forget about the accompanying story (even though it's slightly amusing), i was more interested in the liquor itself!
what an awesome bottle! i want one, i want one, I WANT ONE! lot's of special present-giving ocassions are fast approaching: valentine's day, family day, daylight savings, st. partrick's day, good friday, easter monday, april fool's day, my birthday... all those holidays - totally appropriate to give alcohol for! especially alcohol in sub machine gun shaped bottles!
not only is there tequila but also vodka!
forget about the accompanying story (even though it's slightly amusing), i was more interested in the liquor itself!
what an awesome bottle! i want one, i want one, I WANT ONE! lot's of special present-giving ocassions are fast approaching: valentine's day, family day, daylight savings, st. partrick's day, good friday, easter monday, april fool's day, my birthday... all those holidays - totally appropriate to give alcohol for! especially alcohol in sub machine gun shaped bottles!
not only is there tequila but also vodka!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
what the what?
where can i get me one of these?i heard they're the latest thing in milan this year...
Friday, February 8, 2008
daily dose of gross...
don't even ask how i found out about this but...
this is pretty gross...
it's a weight loss product called alli... (to be clear, i am in no way endorsing this product or any weight loss product - they all give me the heeby-geebies!)
blah blah blah all over the site about it being a "plan" and a "lifestyle change" and "being comfortable with yourself" and "safe, effective weight loss"
apparently, "it works in your digestive system, not in your heart or brain" (and by the way i'm going to be using a lot of "quotes" in this one because i find the language they use on the website ever so amusing... you can feel free to make the "air quotes" as many times as you want.)
here's the scoop:
The active ingredient in alli attaches to some of the natural enzymes in the digestive system, preventing them from breaking down about a quarter of the fat you eat. Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. in fact, you may recognized it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
eww... so it tinkers with your insides... and you get to examine the results in the toilet... charming. MUCH better than picking from a selection of delicious pre-portioned meals or running on the treadmill 3 times a week.
there's more: alli doesn't work very well with high fat diets... so even before you start this product they instruct you to begin cutting back the fat in your diet... they're so specific as to say 15 grams of fat per meal is best. you should also continue to cut the fat from your diet while you're on "the plan." so, for their miracle non-diet pill to work, you have to diet yourself. is the pill even doing anything? you're eating healthier... that'll lose you a fair amount of weight right there! but please still but the pills because THEY are what's really making you shed the pounds. however, the non-fat is important because it can help you reduce the "treatment effects"...
so if you had a peep at the website, it's all nice colours, rounded text, gentle language... all is all a very soothing website to put you at ease and make you more comfortable reading about/using this product. calm, like bunnies hopping about in a sunny field with corn flowers and jauntily painted easter eggs strewn artfully about... hop little bunny, hop!
then, flash to satanic flames, bunnies impaled on stalactites, ominous music, maniacal cackling... BOOMING EVIL VOICE: Treatment effects may include: gas with oily spotting, looses stools, more frequent stools that may be hard to control!!!
flash back to the happy, hoppy bunnies in the sunny field... Lah lah lah... All is well! You're on a plan, you're feeling healthier, you're taking control of your life!
the amusement that follows in the "how to manage treatment effects" section is hysterical!
~ While no one like experiencing treatment effects, thy might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings. --> EAT WHAT I SAY OR DIE! DIE OF AWFUL PUBLIC HUMILIATION!!! security guards aren't really scary but if he threatened me with exploding diarrhea i would definitely take him seriously!
~ You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.
i'm not sure why anyone in their right minds would take this... or how anyone could read/write all the stuff on this website and still take themselves seriously! i just thought i'd share with you all so you could have a wicked awesome day! hopefully, with no oily gas...
cheers!
this is pretty gross...
it's a weight loss product called alli... (to be clear, i am in no way endorsing this product or any weight loss product - they all give me the heeby-geebies!)blah blah blah all over the site about it being a "plan" and a "lifestyle change" and "being comfortable with yourself" and "safe, effective weight loss"
apparently, "it works in your digestive system, not in your heart or brain" (and by the way i'm going to be using a lot of "quotes" in this one because i find the language they use on the website ever so amusing... you can feel free to make the "air quotes" as many times as you want.)
here's the scoop:
The active ingredient in alli attaches to some of the natural enzymes in the digestive system, preventing them from breaking down about a quarter of the fat you eat. Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. in fact, you may recognized it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
eww... so it tinkers with your insides... and you get to examine the results in the toilet... charming. MUCH better than picking from a selection of delicious pre-portioned meals or running on the treadmill 3 times a week.
there's more: alli doesn't work very well with high fat diets... so even before you start this product they instruct you to begin cutting back the fat in your diet... they're so specific as to say 15 grams of fat per meal is best. you should also continue to cut the fat from your diet while you're on "the plan." so, for their miracle non-diet pill to work, you have to diet yourself. is the pill even doing anything? you're eating healthier... that'll lose you a fair amount of weight right there! but please still but the pills because THEY are what's really making you shed the pounds. however, the non-fat is important because it can help you reduce the "treatment effects"...
so if you had a peep at the website, it's all nice colours, rounded text, gentle language... all is all a very soothing website to put you at ease and make you more comfortable reading about/using this product. calm, like bunnies hopping about in a sunny field with corn flowers and jauntily painted easter eggs strewn artfully about... hop little bunny, hop!
then, flash to satanic flames, bunnies impaled on stalactites, ominous music, maniacal cackling... BOOMING EVIL VOICE: Treatment effects may include: gas with oily spotting, looses stools, more frequent stools that may be hard to control!!!
flash back to the happy, hoppy bunnies in the sunny field... Lah lah lah... All is well! You're on a plan, you're feeling healthier, you're taking control of your life!
the amusement that follows in the "how to manage treatment effects" section is hysterical!
~ While no one like experiencing treatment effects, thy might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings. --> EAT WHAT I SAY OR DIE! DIE OF AWFUL PUBLIC HUMILIATION!!! security guards aren't really scary but if he threatened me with exploding diarrhea i would definitely take him seriously!
~ You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.
i'm not sure why anyone in their right minds would take this... or how anyone could read/write all the stuff on this website and still take themselves seriously! i just thought i'd share with you all so you could have a wicked awesome day! hopefully, with no oily gas...
cheers!
everything will be simply ma-velous, dahling...
so in case you live under a rock, jennifer lopez is running about town in 4-inch stilettos looking about to pop any day now... she's aiming for a february 14th delivery date... ugh... how cliche... but that day is also important so she can "make the deadlines for the weekly magazine covers"!!!
i used to like... well maybe not like... maybe respect is a better word... i used to respect j.lo because she was such a dynamo (minus the acting... maid in manhatten? really?) but now i just keeping thinking she's getting a little crazier (the carziness could also be linked to her relationship with mark anthony but let's not get into that) with everyday of her pregnancy! diva diva DIVA! bitch seems like she's the first person ever in the world to have a baby and damned if it won't be spectacular!
first there was the ridiculousness of the CUSTOM COTURE HOSPITAL GOWNS!!! IN FOUR DIFFERENT COLOURS! because you know, you gotta have costume changes throughout the show or the fans will get unrurly... the website that slings this shit has a message that says Having a baby is an extraordinary experience and moms deserve to wear something better than an ordinary hospital gown. gag! there's a freaking apendaged watermelon sliding out of you with all manner of other bodily fluids! but by all means, by a $65 "whimsical" hospital gown and dirty it up good! you can frame it and put it on the wall in the nursery!
then there was the nurseries (yes, multiple. 3 in fact!) that cost more than GDP of some small countries! $1200,000 EACH!!! and AND there's the imported furniture... from france! with 18 karat gold on the legs and knobs! and and and... wait for it... the rooms even have crystal chandeliers! WTF??? gold and chandeliers? these are babies, right? she's no giving birth to the queen of england by any chance is she? with mark "i want to suck your bolld!" anthony's DNA in the mix, she'll be lucky if her spawn are as cute as the queen of england!
ugh... my babies are going to have cardboard boxes for cribs and i'm going to wear a garbage bag for delivery.
i used to like... well maybe not like... maybe respect is a better word... i used to respect j.lo because she was such a dynamo (minus the acting... maid in manhatten? really?) but now i just keeping thinking she's getting a little crazier (the carziness could also be linked to her relationship with mark anthony but let's not get into that) with everyday of her pregnancy! diva diva DIVA! bitch seems like she's the first person ever in the world to have a baby and damned if it won't be spectacular!
first there was the ridiculousness of the CUSTOM COTURE HOSPITAL GOWNS!!! IN FOUR DIFFERENT COLOURS! because you know, you gotta have costume changes throughout the show or the fans will get unrurly... the website that slings this shit has a message that says Having a baby is an extraordinary experience and moms deserve to wear something better than an ordinary hospital gown. gag! there's a freaking apendaged watermelon sliding out of you with all manner of other bodily fluids! but by all means, by a $65 "whimsical" hospital gown and dirty it up good! you can frame it and put it on the wall in the nursery!
then there was the nurseries (yes, multiple. 3 in fact!) that cost more than GDP of some small countries! $1200,000 EACH!!! and AND there's the imported furniture... from france! with 18 karat gold on the legs and knobs! and and and... wait for it... the rooms even have crystal chandeliers! WTF??? gold and chandeliers? these are babies, right? she's no giving birth to the queen of england by any chance is she? with mark "i want to suck your bolld!" anthony's DNA in the mix, she'll be lucky if her spawn are as cute as the queen of england!
ugh... my babies are going to have cardboard boxes for cribs and i'm going to wear a garbage bag for delivery.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
picture of the week - feb. 7
wallace and his very manly purse...we found them in a mall when we went crazy cross-border shopping back before christmas!
they're so interesting... i'm undecided whether to be caught dead carrying one...
happy new job, wally!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
retching...
"WholesomeWear is a modest line of clothing for "wherever." Our WaterWear is the first to be introduced because the need for modesty is swimwear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existent. Swimwear that "highlights the face, rather than the body" includes an undergarment with bright colours at the neck and shoulders to draw the eye to the face. The spandex undergarment fits like a body suit, whole the loose fitting Taslan outer garment limits cling and adds modesty and style."
i don't know quite what it is about this line of "swimwear" but every time i'm reminded of it, i feel like puking. usually i'm so flabbergasted that these things exists i can barely gather my thoughts on the subject... i'm left stammering like an idiot and pulling my hair out in frustration! only a series of half questions ever manage to leave my mouth... wha...? why...? who would...? bwah...? but...?
how can anyone (female or male) be THAT ashamed of the female form??? it's like saying your body is hidious, please to cover so we don't have to see.
even bathing suits back in the 1920 were were less bulky than that!
and new bathing suits specifically designed for muslim women (possibly one of THE MOST conservative/modest cultures in the world) are pretty rockin'!! they are actually pretty and don't make me at all want to throw up at all! i'd wear this ages before hell officially froze over and i wore anything called a culotte swimmer!
the closest thing in history that compares to these abominations is possible a "bathing dress" from back in 1858 for crying out loud! back in the dark ages of women's rights! an ankle! ~*gasp!*~ at least this sucker is belted so it has some shape!
also, using the terms "scoop-necked romper" and "stylish" or "spandex" and "modest" in the same sentence is obviously some sort of gramatical error... maybe if you carried the 2?
and lastly, isn't this john travolta???
i don't know quite what it is about this line of "swimwear" but every time i'm reminded of it, i feel like puking. usually i'm so flabbergasted that these things exists i can barely gather my thoughts on the subject... i'm left stammering like an idiot and pulling my hair out in frustration! only a series of half questions ever manage to leave my mouth... wha...? why...? who would...? bwah...? but...?how can anyone (female or male) be THAT ashamed of the female form??? it's like saying your body is hidious, please to cover so we don't have to see.
even bathing suits back in the 1920 were were less bulky than that!
and new bathing suits specifically designed for muslim women (possibly one of THE MOST conservative/modest cultures in the world) are pretty rockin'!! they are actually pretty and don't make me at all want to throw up at all! i'd wear this ages before hell officially froze over and i wore anything called a culotte swimmer!the closest thing in history that compares to these abominations is possible a "bathing dress" from back in 1858 for crying out loud! back in the dark ages of women's rights! an ankle! ~*gasp!*~ at least this sucker is belted so it has some shape!also, using the terms "scoop-necked romper" and "stylish" or "spandex" and "modest" in the same sentence is obviously some sort of gramatical error... maybe if you carried the 2?and lastly, isn't this john travolta???
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
letter writing - feb. 5 08
dear whoever in the office with whom i must associate,
just because my "office" is situated in what one would traditionally call a hallway (i prefer the term one-sided cubicle) does not mean that you can just sneak up behind me and start talking to me.
first, it scares the living shit out of me when you do this because i can't see you coming (i face into the one wall of my cubicle) and you don't announce yourself; you just start talking about what you want/need (that's a whole other story... don't even get me started) me to do for you which brings us around to point number two.
don't automatically assume that i'm going to place your work at my highest priority. sure, it is rare that i have any pressing work to do but still... you know what that say about assuming... except that it mostly makes an ass out of only you. sometimes i'm working at something else and you come up and start talking to the back of my head and you expect me to just drop said something and suddenly pay full attention to you. yeah just launch right into it before i even have a chance to pay attention - that's an excellent strategy for getting me to know exactly what you want.
so please, when you come to my office, announce yourself and politely ask if i have the time would i mind working on this for you. it would make the office run a lot smoother... mostly because my spare time wouldn't be spent despising you. i have other more important things to do with my spare time.
rockets & rainbows,
jenn
just because my "office" is situated in what one would traditionally call a hallway (i prefer the term one-sided cubicle) does not mean that you can just sneak up behind me and start talking to me.
first, it scares the living shit out of me when you do this because i can't see you coming (i face into the one wall of my cubicle) and you don't announce yourself; you just start talking about what you want/need (that's a whole other story... don't even get me started) me to do for you which brings us around to point number two.
don't automatically assume that i'm going to place your work at my highest priority. sure, it is rare that i have any pressing work to do but still... you know what that say about assuming... except that it mostly makes an ass out of only you. sometimes i'm working at something else and you come up and start talking to the back of my head and you expect me to just drop said something and suddenly pay full attention to you. yeah just launch right into it before i even have a chance to pay attention - that's an excellent strategy for getting me to know exactly what you want.
so please, when you come to my office, announce yourself and politely ask if i have the time would i mind working on this for you. it would make the office run a lot smoother... mostly because my spare time wouldn't be spent despising you. i have other more important things to do with my spare time.
rockets & rainbows,
jenn
Monday, February 4, 2008
feeling old...
i know the irony of this is going to come around and bite me hard on the hind parts but here goes anyway...
my little sister was subjecting the family to watching much music just now... and i couldn't help thinking didn't much music used to be cool? i miss george strombolopolus, bill welychka, master t, and (god help us) even rick "sell-out" campanelli... i can't stand any of the current vjs... they make me want to claw my eyes out and stuff a couple dozen cotten balls in each of my ears! good sweet mike, mat babel has the musical credibility of a cheerio! i wonder how much make-up it takes to cover up the giant DOUCHE that's branded on his forehead.
my little sister was subjecting the family to watching much music just now... and i couldn't help thinking didn't much music used to be cool? i miss george strombolopolus, bill welychka, master t, and (god help us) even rick "sell-out" campanelli... i can't stand any of the current vjs... they make me want to claw my eyes out and stuff a couple dozen cotten balls in each of my ears! good sweet mike, mat babel has the musical credibility of a cheerio! i wonder how much make-up it takes to cover up the giant DOUCHE that's branded on his forehead.
revelation...
good sweet mike!
the entire time i attended university (aside from my first year where i stayed in rez) i was staying in a highly illegal "rooming house"
rooming house - a living accommodation being rented by more than two persons who aren't members of a single family that would normally occupy the dwelling.
i know they can fit a lot of people into a house in university towns like waterloo but can they fit 18?!? the place with the most rooms i stayed in - a bungalow (including basement) with 7 rooms... but that also included 2 kitchens/eating areas and 2 bathrooms... AND it was one of the nicest places i stayed!
the entire time i attended university (aside from my first year where i stayed in rez) i was staying in a highly illegal "rooming house"
rooming house - a living accommodation being rented by more than two persons who aren't members of a single family that would normally occupy the dwelling.
i know they can fit a lot of people into a house in university towns like waterloo but can they fit 18?!? the place with the most rooms i stayed in - a bungalow (including basement) with 7 rooms... but that also included 2 kitchens/eating areas and 2 bathrooms... AND it was one of the nicest places i stayed!
news from i-don't-believe-it-ville...
so was the world turned on it's head this weekend or what???
first, the down and out leafs actually won a game! not to mention it was against their arch-rivals the ottawa senators! ottawa's been kicking our tails all season along with just about every other teams. hurray for wee small bits of hope...
speaking of wee small bits of hope, the underdog ny giants beat the pants off the not-so-perfect-season ne patriots on superbowl sunday! can you freaking believe that??? crazy... i didn't watch the superbowl or any of the foo-far-ah that goes along with it but i did tune into the last 10 seconds of it hoping that it would be over and a new episode of nip/tuck would be on like the tv guide erroneously told me would be the case.
first, the down and out leafs actually won a game! not to mention it was against their arch-rivals the ottawa senators! ottawa's been kicking our tails all season along with just about every other teams. hurray for wee small bits of hope...
speaking of wee small bits of hope, the underdog ny giants beat the pants off the not-so-perfect-season ne patriots on superbowl sunday! can you freaking believe that??? crazy... i didn't watch the superbowl or any of the foo-far-ah that goes along with it but i did tune into the last 10 seconds of it hoping that it would be over and a new episode of nip/tuck would be on like the tv guide erroneously told me would be the case.
Friday, February 1, 2008
things to wrack your brain over the weekend
i got one of those chain e-mails the other day entitled "questions that haunt me" and i figured that since i didn't really have anything else to write about today i'd share my favourites with you... (stolen content is the best content)
how is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
how is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
it's snow fun outside...
driving:
hey, asswad! it's snowing like the coming of the second (or third?) iceage (i think i just saw a polar bear wander by...) and your tailgating me?!? what kind of crazy fuck are you? where the hell are you rushing too???
working:
are the people at your office FUCKING INSANE?!? i rolled in like 25 minutes late today due to all the SNOW, shovelling (coming down faster than i could scoop it away!), cautious driving, a disabled traffic light at the major intersection right at the highway (i swear, the traffic people just purposly shut the light down when the weather's bad just to watch the traffic cams and laugh... AND does no one know what a 4-way stop is??? how fucking important do you think you are that you don't have to stop and wait your turn just like everyone else???) wait... where was i? oh yeah, i was a mere 25 minutes late because of a lintany of storm-related holdups and when i got here EVERYONE WAS ALREADY HERE!!! the people here take their work way too frigging seriously! through hell or high water... or raging winter storms. if i ever get to the point where i feel that i HAVE to come to work every single day possible please shoot me if i haven't already done it myself. better shoot me even if i've already done it - just for good measure.
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