this is pretty gross...
it's a weight loss product called alli... (to be clear, i am in no way endorsing this product or any weight loss product - they all give me the heeby-geebies!)blah blah blah all over the site about it being a "plan" and a "lifestyle change" and "being comfortable with yourself" and "safe, effective weight loss"
apparently, "it works in your digestive system, not in your heart or brain" (and by the way i'm going to be using a lot of "quotes" in this one because i find the language they use on the website ever so amusing... you can feel free to make the "air quotes" as many times as you want.)
here's the scoop:
The active ingredient in alli attaches to some of the natural enzymes in the digestive system, preventing them from breaking down about a quarter of the fat you eat. Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. in fact, you may recognized it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
eww... so it tinkers with your insides... and you get to examine the results in the toilet... charming. MUCH better than picking from a selection of delicious pre-portioned meals or running on the treadmill 3 times a week.
there's more: alli doesn't work very well with high fat diets... so even before you start this product they instruct you to begin cutting back the fat in your diet... they're so specific as to say 15 grams of fat per meal is best. you should also continue to cut the fat from your diet while you're on "the plan." so, for their miracle non-diet pill to work, you have to diet yourself. is the pill even doing anything? you're eating healthier... that'll lose you a fair amount of weight right there! but please still but the pills because THEY are what's really making you shed the pounds. however, the non-fat is important because it can help you reduce the "treatment effects"...
so if you had a peep at the website, it's all nice colours, rounded text, gentle language... all is all a very soothing website to put you at ease and make you more comfortable reading about/using this product. calm, like bunnies hopping about in a sunny field with corn flowers and jauntily painted easter eggs strewn artfully about... hop little bunny, hop!
then, flash to satanic flames, bunnies impaled on stalactites, ominous music, maniacal cackling... BOOMING EVIL VOICE: Treatment effects may include: gas with oily spotting, looses stools, more frequent stools that may be hard to control!!!
flash back to the happy, hoppy bunnies in the sunny field... Lah lah lah... All is well! You're on a plan, you're feeling healthier, you're taking control of your life!
the amusement that follows in the "how to manage treatment effects" section is hysterical!
~ While no one like experiencing treatment effects, thy might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings. --> EAT WHAT I SAY OR DIE! DIE OF AWFUL PUBLIC HUMILIATION!!! security guards aren't really scary but if he threatened me with exploding diarrhea i would definitely take him seriously!
~ You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.
i'm not sure why anyone in their right minds would take this... or how anyone could read/write all the stuff on this website and still take themselves seriously! i just thought i'd share with you all so you could have a wicked awesome day! hopefully, with no oily gas...
cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment