my dream car

Driver of Motorized Beer Cooler Charged With Drunk Driving

NOOSA, Australia -- An Australian man caught driving a motorized cooler box [...] appeared in court charged with drunk driving, The Courier Mail reported Monday.

Christopher Ian Petrie, 23, faces charges of driving under the influence and driving without a license after police caught him on the makeshift vehicle, which was powered by a 50cc engine.

[...]

Petrie's lawyers won an adjournment from magistrate John Parker as they sough to establish "whether a motorized esky [cooler box] was in fact a motor vehicle."

An amused Parker inquired with Petrie about his cooler box's performance.

"How much beer can it hold?" he asked the defendant. Petrie told the court the cooler box could hold "at least a couple of cartons."

coffee? tea? pee?

Bloke pissing in reservoir prompts 8m gallon flush
'Do you want to drink pee?' asks Portland water official

puleeze! you take in more concentrated pee that this every time you go to the public swimming pool!

and why the big kafuffle about human pee? you don't even want to think about how much wild animal pee (and poo, don't forget about the poo!) is in there!

besides, doesn't the water go through some sort of processing plant before it gets to your pipes anyway?

i was on vacation somewhere up north one time and they found a dead deer in the reservoir and all they did was tell people to boil their water. no biggie...

way to overreact, oregon!

for the person who LITERALLY has everything

and because, who doesn't need one of these?

World's Most Expensive Beer Comes In Taxidermied Animal Koozies

getting drunk, martha stewart style

Germantown woman charged in vanilla DUI case

An officer noticed partially empty bottles of vanilla extract, labeled as 35 percent alcohol by volume, and Diet Coke in the front seat, and they said they smelled a strong vanilla odor on the woman's breath. A grocery receipt found in the vehicle listed two 8-once bottles of vanilla extract, purchased Wednesday.

also, isn't her mug shot just one of the greatest things ever?

false advertizing?

ingredients: water, glucose-fructose and/or sugar, concentrated pear juice, citric acid, natural flavours.

sounds like pear juice to me...

and yet, curiously enough, it comes with this label:
cherry? pineapple? grapes?
i don't remember any of those from the ingredient list... i suppose those are the 'natural' flavours of which they speak.

fruit punch?
well, yes, pear IS a fruit..
and technically there is no law stating fruit punch must be a combination of several different types of fruit juice...
but you know, sometime you just expect certain things.
i guess that'll teach me a thing or too about expecting!

over-saturation

so on a straight 10 minute drive on a single road from my mississauga office to find delicious, delicious booster juice, i encountered not one, not two, but THREE starbucks! two of which were drive-thrus within 2 minutes of each other!

near my markham office, there are 2 starbucks in the same plaza! granted, one is a a chapters and one is in a sobeys... but it's definitely still overkill.

all these starbucks locations seem even more crazy when you consider that they closed 600 of their US stores in 2008...

hannibal lecter's tea party

right, shopping list for teas:
~ black tea
~ chinese tea
~ green tea
~ oolong tea
~ white tea
~ roobois tea
~ eyelid tea
~ herbal tea

wait, what was that last one?
herbal tea?
no, the one before that...
roobois?
no...
oh, eyelid tea!

"While there really is no consensus on exactly where the earliest tea plants were grown in Asia and how people got the idea to drink it, there are a number of myths concerning how tea originated and why people started drinking it. One story says that a Buddhist monk named Bodhidharma, the founder of Chan Buddhism, was meditating for nine years, at which point, he fell asleep. The story says he was so upset that he cut off his own eyelids, which took root and grew into the first tea plants. Other versions of the story say that Buddha himself was the one who cut his eye lids off and started the first tea plants."

apparently, january is national hot tea month... so the folks over at neatorama have compiled a little story about all the great things about tea!

beer: the drink of intellectuals

buffalo theory
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that [...] is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

new best friend

never. done. drugs.

don't believe everything you read on the internets, kids...

potentially a bad decision

afternoon snack: chocolate milk and salt & vinegar chips

will the vinegar curdle the milk?
to avoid finding out, i will only consume one at a time... but which first??

feeling like ass never felt so good

remember my gripe about mid-week shows last week?
well, i have an addendum - REALLY don't do it!

but i have to admit, the show last night was ALMOST worth feeling this horrid... i have yet to empty my stomach contents orally so it's all still good int he hood. whether or not this breakfast sandwich i'm eating was a good idea is yet to be decided.

anyway, the show last night was USS at circa.
never failing to amaze, the guys were completely amped and they put on an amazing show. whatever they are on, everyone needs to get some of that! somewhere in the universe, stars are dying at an alarming rate due to the energy these guys are absorbing.
so this show was billed as a 'house party' and was sponsered by smirnoff... those damned sugary drinks (i'm looking at you smirnoff ice!) always make the next day so very taxing. especially when there are complimentary drinks involved... at first they were only offering their 'signature drinks' with the free drink tickets but by the end of the night, a ticket was good for any mixed vodka drink. if i was going to have a 'signature drink' i would definitely make something that was a little less disgusting. the one i ended up trying was this vodka/baileys/expresso thing that was so bitter that i pretty much gagged from the smell before it even hit my lips.
i guess sugary drinks do have their upside though... like keeping old people like myself awake until the band hits the stage at 12:30! friggin' eh! the show didn't finish until like 1:45! and then i wasn't in bed until like 3:00! not good news... i am SERIOUSLY thinking about having a nap under my desk at lunchtime. and one more at like 2:30... and then again at 3:30... and maybe another nap right about now too... that'd be nice!update: the first half of the breakfast sandwich was a good idea... the second half, not so much.

yes yes!

detroit - challenging oshawa for classiest city in the world.

"Food stamps swapped for booze, Viagra"

DETROIT (AP) — Viagra and pornography are not staples on the government’s food stamp list. But authorities say a Detroit store supplied them during a series of illegal deals.

Federal prosecutors filed fraud charges this week against three people who worked at Jefferson’s Liquor Palace.

The alleged scheme worked this way: Food stamp recipients would get cash from the store in exchange for swiping larger amounts off their electronic cards. The store would then be reimbursed by the U.S. Agriculture Department.

But in some transactions, the government the store provided informants Viagra, liquor and porn in exchange for swiping about $2,000 off food stamp cards.

The government says fraud at the store topped $130,000 over 21/2 years. The store is closed.

hey there good lookin'

i too hope to look this good when i'm 45 and addicted to meth...
you're still my role model lindsay!

ugh... why?

"Bud Light Lime demand outpacing supply"
Fan says finding the beer is like a rare superhero sighting

eww...
so here's an imagined conversation that must have gone down at THAT brainstorming meeting:

executive 1: what's a beer that no one is overly fond of?
executive 2: well that's easy - bud light!
E1: great, now how can we make that awful beer more broadly appealing?
E2: umm, well, lots of people, girl people, like those citrus-y cocktail drinks... maybe we could cash in on that?
E1: yeah, good idea... but which citrus should we use?
E2: well, if we add lemon it'll just taste like lemonade you left out in the sun in a plastic drum for a month or tow so we really shouldn't do that. how about lime?
E1: lime you say? bud light... lime... bud light lime... yeah, i like how that rolls off your tongue.
E2: bud light lime... BLL! kind of like BFF! BLL, your summer BFF! how's that for a marketing campaign?
E1: hmm... maybe that's taking it a little too far.